The Unicorn

I just wanted to tell you that Anna is coming to Ben

- and Michelle's party. - I'm Anna, by the way.

- You're Delia's Anna? - And you're Delia's Wade.

This was the most amazing night ever.

I thought so, too.

- Uh, hello. - Hey.

- It's gonna be a little weird. - It's super weird.

I'm really sorry about what happened the other day with Grace.

That's not how I wanted you two to meet.

Is she okay?

Yeah, she's fine. I caught her making out with this boy

a few months back, so we're even.

- Wow, I run with a fast crowd. - A very fast crowd.

Aw! Sorry.

Ooh, Life Savers. Can I have an orange one?

Uh, you know what?

- Take the roll. I got to get back. - All right.

Those pustules won't pop themselves.

You know, second thought, you take those.

- All right. - Okay.

Aw!

Ah. Wow.

- Things are going well, I see? - Yes,

but it's tough. You know, I'd like to see her more,

but I've-I've really had to put on the brakes

after what happened with the girls.

Okay, you listen to me.

She is damn near perfect for you, and you cannot blow this.

I don't think you know how much I have invested

in this relationship.

I know, Delia, and-and I'm sorry.

- Okay. - Wait.

Why am I apologizing to you?

Uh, Wade, what's going on with your garage?

- It's a mess. - Well, it's not that bad.

Oh, it's bad.

I could hardly make it to the fridge.

Haven't you seen Hoarders? You could be on it.

Uh, well, I'll, uh, I'll get to it when I have some time.

No time like the present.

Wade, she's trying to get you to have

a yard sale so she can sell our stuff there, too.

Well, why don't you just have a yard sale at your house?

'Cause we can't.

The neighbors complained about how many yard sales she has.

There's a whole thread about it on that neighborhood app.

That neighborhood app is a bunch of racists.

Okay, that may be true, but they also help find lost cats.

I'll go get my own beer.

So you're just asking to have a yard sale at my house?

How does Saturday 8:00 a.m. sound?

- Really early. - Trust me,

- it's a great way to make money. - Oh, that's good,

so you can take out your gross doctor girlfriend.

Come on, Natalie. I mean, you haven't even met her yet.

I don't need to meet her. She's a Gemini.

That was the last beer?

Cheers.

Dad, here's the stuff I want to sell.

I don't play with them anyway.

Of course you don't play with them, they're your brother's.

This isn't.

Boy, put that stuff back.

Hold on.

What are these doing here?

I know, I know, it's your precious vinyl,

but these are duplicates.

You have three copies of James Brown's

Merry Christmas Album.

But it's got 11 funky Christmas hits.

Why keep any of this when you can just stream it?

Because streaming music is cold and soulless.

It's like I tell all my clients

when I'm putting in their systems,

vinyl is tactile, the sound is warm and present.

And listening to Digable Planets on anything else...

should be illegal.

And James Brown is staying.

Next Christmas is gonna be funky.

Hey, Nat. Come down here, check this out.

I got a new game. You know how I never let you

- play Aggravated Assault? - Yeah.

Well, uh, I realize that-that you're not a kid anymore,

and I thought maybe we could play and, uh,

and just kind of talk about things, you know?

Because, lately,

we haven't really had a chance to discuss

everything that's been going on and, you know,

what's going on in our hearts and how we feel and...

Oh, my God, I'm on fire.

H-How did you do that?

That was fun, Dad. Still hate Anna. Bye.

I mean, I tried to talk to Natalie on her level,

but she saw through me pretty quick.

She's just putting up a wall.

Well, yeah, 'cause she can see that you like Anna.

- Delia. - Yeah?

I've been looking everywhere for something to sell at this yard sale;

all I can find are these old glasses.

Okay, well, maybe you can sell those.

Yeah. I mean, I guess I could.

They're right eye -250, left eye +175.

I mean, that's got to fit somebody, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Anyway, this... nothing's gonna get better

until I can introduce Anna to the girls.

You know, maybe you should wait a little bit, you know,

until, you know, after...

Is that supposed to be sex?

- What-what kind of sex are you having? - Don't answer that.

Look, here's what I want to do:

I-I-I want them to meet on neutral ground.

- Let's do it here. Yeah. - Really?

We'll do, like, a whole dinner party for Anna.

Oh, Delia, thank you so much. Oh, that would be,

that would be so great. I-I just want something

- really casual and-and easy and-and fun. - Yeah.

Oh, yeah, so fun, so casual.

Casual, easy, and fun. That's Delia.

Hey, are you free for dinner on Friday night?

I am, and I would love

to go on a real date, just the two of us.

- Oh, man, me, too. - Yeah.

That's not what this is.

- Oh. - It's more of an awkward staged meeting

between you and two girls

who are determined to hate you.

- Wow. You are a hell of a salesman. - Yeah.

- I'm in. - Uh, yeah? Okay. All right.

Yes. Yes. All right.

Addie, honey, you ready to go?

- Yeah. - Okay. Wow.

Is this all the stuff you're gonna sell?

- No, this is everything we're gonna keep. - Really?

Guys, what're you gonna do with all this junk?

I mean, when was the last time you even used this?

When we went to Moonshine Mountain with Mom.

Ah. Yeah. Okay, but what about, uh,

what about this little tiny Minions costume?

I mean, you couldn't even fit into it anymore.

Mom made that for me out of an old raincoat.

Okay. Let's... Come here for a sec.

Um, I get what you're going through, okay?

Your dad dating Anna, it just feels like

things are changing really fast, right?

You want to hold on to Mom even more,

but Mom isn't in stuff, you know?

Stuff is just stuff. She's not any stuff.

Stuff comes, it goes, but...

Mom's right here.

She's always gonna be right here.

Well, I-I guess we could sell some of this stuff.

That's the spirit.

I know you guys can do this. Okay. All right.

- Okay. - Yeah?

Oh. Hi.

Thank you. Couldn't bring myself to do it.

Oh, yeah. Happy to.

Uh, so, uh, are we good for Friday?

- Oh, yes. I am so psyched. - Yeah, and you feel okay

about cooking for so many people?

I'm not cooking. I don't cook. I'm a doctor.

You know, I got to say, I'm really impressed

that a busy doctor like yourself still finds the time

to order this much food.

Well, I want things to be special for Anna.

I know.

Is that a special log cabin you're making out of egg rolls?

No. Oh, wait, am I? Oh, God. I don't know.

- Come on, come on. - Hey, Ben.

Forrest.

- Hi. - So, the yard sale is tomorrow.

- Yeah... - What do you got?

Here you go.

- That's it? - Yep.

Oh, I, uh, I actually found some, uh,

boxes in the back of my closet, too.

- What was in them? - Other empty boxes.

Guys, I scoured this entire house.

I-I don't own anything.

Nothing... seriously. Seriously, nothing.

And it made me think, like, what am I?

I used to have hobbies and-and interests.

- Yeah? - I don't know.

Have I organized myself out of existence?

- Hey, don't be so hard on yourself. - Okay, all right.

Tell me something that is special or unique about me.

Okay.

You're up.

Hey.

- Hi. - Wow, you look

- so beautiful. Uh... - Uh, thanks. Uh...

- Uh... um, uh, yeah. - Mmm.

So, uh, you-you ready for this?

Uh, not at all, but here I am, so that's...

- You're gonna do great. - Great.

Hey-hey, everybody.

- You remember Anna. Hey. - Hi.

- Hi. - Anna!

Oh, wow, what a spread.