Brooklyn Nine-Nine

We've busted murderers, we've taken down cartels.

But today we face the worst New York has to offer...

The fire department.

Fire marshal Boone, we meet again.

Detective Peralta, your fly's down.

I made you look. I didn't look.

And I'm wearing shorts, there is no fly.

That's not what your mom said.

You make no sense.

And now I'm inside your head.

Prepare to die.

Blue 52. Hut.

Yeah!

You don't have to dance every time.

True, but I choose to dance every time.

Whoo!

You have one play.

You give the ball to Jeffords,

and he runs it in.

I-I'd like to see you score one.

Good, 'cause you're about to see it.

You're about to see it straight to hell.

Hut, hut.

now, Terry.

Yeah!

I did it. I did it alone.

I'm the King of the world! Whoo!

Sync & corrections by Rafael UPD web dl sync snarry/

Peralta.

Captain Holt.

You look very... sad?

I can never tell.

Do you have a murder suspect to question?

He is in the interrogation room as we speak,

sitting and, I assume, stewing.

I put on a song that I think

sums up his situation nicely.

because, you see...

You got him, babe.

I understood the wordplay, yes.

Oh. I've been chasing this guy for three months.

I've got him dead to rights.

Fingerprints, witnesses, it's in the bag.

So I'm just gonna grab a healthy breakfast...

Are those gummy bears wrapped in a fruit roll-up?

Breakfast burrito, but yeah.

I pity your dentist.

Joke's on you. I don't have a dentist.

Jake, Jake.

Oh, this can't be good.

Major crimes division just called.

They're taking over your murder case.

The vulture is on his way here now.

No! Doesn't that guy

get tired of stealing our cases?

He took one from me and Rosa last week.

NYPD. Stop!

You made us run up ten flights of stairs.

It's over.

Thanks, guys. I got it from here.

Don't worry, we can stall him until you get the confession.

We rehearsed this, you guys. This isn't a drill.

Everyone know their assignments?

All right, hands in.

Commence operation: Broken feather.

And go!

Okay, Gus,

I don't have a lot of time.

I need your full, signed confession.

We have four minutes. We can do this.

But I'm not guilty. Listen to me, Gus.

We can do this, son.

Yo, is this a police station or a toilet?

'Cause all I see is turds.

Oh, Detective Pembroke.

Oh, no.

I spilled coffee on you by accident.

Lucky for you, this wipes off quickly.

This coat's made out of whale skin.

The vulture still flies. The vulture still flies.

Hey, Pembroke.

What do you say we go talk about a case in the break room?

Oh, yeah? What case is that?

The case of how you got so damn sexy.

God owed me a favor.

Case solved.

I told you, I didn't know the guy.

You're lying. We have pictures of you two.

Come on, we only have three minutes.

It's like you're not even trying to confess!

The vulture is coming.

We need more time.

Someone do something.

I got it. Tear gas.

Scully, Scully,

wrap my shirt around your face.

And out of the tear gas rises the Phoenix.

Hey, Peralta.

I got it from here.

All right, fine.

I'll just go then...

With this fully signed confession.

We did it, Gus! Whoo!

Suck it, vulture.

I killed that guy and his neighbor,

but you were too late.

Whoo! Wait, you killed his neighbor?

Amy, check it out.

Nice, you got it framed? Of course.

It commemorates our victory over the vulture,

the greatest day in human history.

Sorry the tear gas made you look like

a demon dog at the end of ghostbusters.

Brief me on the hotel robberies.

Helpful hint to the scientists that programmed you,

most humans say "hello"

at the beginning of a conversation.

Manager at the Prentiss hotel told us that

someone's been breaking into the rooms,

stolen over $100,000 in jewelry.

We're heading over there now.

Keep me updated. Another helpful hint...

Good-bye. It's learning.

What?

Man, an hour of footage, and we've got nothing.

I have to admit, I do love a thorough vacuumer.

I'm a little O.C.D.

What? No, you're not.

Whoop.

I can leave it there.

Totally. It doesn't bother me.

I know.

There it is.

All right, let's get started.

So we have good news, and we have bad news.

My Nana always said, "bad news first,

because the good news is probably a lie."

Fun fact, she made me cry a lot.

Good news is, the sting we set up

to catch deadbeats went great.

Name's Bill Voss, just got this thing in the mail,

said I won a free Bahamas cruise!

Congratulations, Bill.

You have six outstanding warrants for credit fraud.

Oh, man, can't it wait till I get back from the Bahamas?

I won a cruise.

You're not very bright, are you, Bill?

Now I know you'd all prefer to go to a bar,

drink beer, and eat chips of various textures.

But our compstat numbers are due tomorrow morning,

so I need these arrests on the books today.

Darn it. I had a belly dancing class.

Tonight was Egyptian undulation.

Oh, show us some moves.

Sure. Dismissed.

First batch of arrest files is done-zo Washington.

There's only three files here.

It's been an hour. Yeah, I know.

It has not been a productive morning.

For example, somebody

used the toaster in front of Boyle.

No. No, no, no, no. Tommy?

And then Boyle spent 30 minutes

lecturing him on how to make a sandwich.

I'd describe the work flow today

as dismal with a tiny, little splash of pathetic.

Get me out of here, man.

I'm worried.

The compstat numbers are due tomorrow at 9:00 A.M.,

but at this rate, we won't be finished

until your daughters are grown and married.

I may have a solution.

We need to compstat the office.

What is compstat?

It's just using data

to identify problem spots in the neighborhood.

Now, I have been taking notes

on points of friction in this office for years.

The red areas are places where no work gets done.

If we can fix these problems

without anyone knowing what we're doing,

we will finish on time.

Are you saying you want to secretly perform

scientific experiments on your friends

and coworkers to increase efficiency?

Yes.

Sounds fun, let's do it.

Hey, hand me some peanuts. I'm snacky.

I have something I need to talk to you about.

I might get a promotion to major crimes.

They asked me to come in and interview for a job.

What?

You're gonna go work for the vulture?

Have you forgotten how awful he is?

The Vladimir putin collection?

Yeah, 70 bucks a pair.

And they only increase in value.

I guess that's your new best friend now, Santiago.

Emphasis on "iago," backstabber.

I'm surprised you've read othello.