Der Rebell

Fuck this fuckin’ guy.

Comedian asshole.

Which one?

Ronnie Wilkis?

Who’s that?

I made it up.

No, he means Casey Louistein, right?

He said that thing about Trump.

- Yeah, shithead, half a clown telling me how to vote, like he knows anything?

- I don't think he was trying to tell you how to vote.

I think he just-- He wanted you to think--

No, no, no.

Just tell your dumb jokes and shut the fuck up so that grown folks can talk.

- I hate when celebrities think that anybody cares about what they think.

So fucking annoying. - Bourbon on the rocks.

Oh, I don't know how to vote!

I need Casey Louistein to come from on high

and tell me who's Hitler, 'cause everyone's Hitler.

I need a Hollywood sodomite to let me know what's what.

Sodomite, sodomite.

What does that come from?

From, uh, Sodom.

Yeah, Sodom and Gomorrah.

But I don't-- I never knew that story, like, I don't know what that story was.

- You don't know the story of Sodom and Gomorrah?

Not really.

- That's how we know homos should burn, according to the Bible.

Oh.

- I don't think that, but the Bible, that's where it teaches us about--

- What's that story? What's Sodom and Gomorrah?

- You know, it's Abraham, the father of Israel and his brother Lot,

and they're picking a place to live, right?

They each-- I don't know why they have to live in separate spots,

but they can't live near each other,

so Abraham picks the wilderness, where good folks live in tents, right?

Away from sin and what have you.

And then Lot, uh, I think 'cause his wife likes fancy things,

he goes to Sodom, which is--

You know, it's like a gay neighborhood, so it's nice, right?

I’m not really clear on what Gomorrah did wrong.

I know sodomy is where we get butt fucking from.

It's just wrong hole usage, so Gomorrah, who--

That must have been ten times worse, 'cause they don't even bring them up.

But Lot moved to Sodom, and you know, it's the biggest city

and these people can't use the right hole to save their lives,

and as you know, God cares deeply about that,

so he goes to Abraham and he goes, I gotta tell you,

where your brother lives, I mean, it's crazy,

they are just fucking anything and everything

and I'm gonna just have to burn it with fire.

That's how bad it's getting, you know?

And Abraham goes, Lord, please, don't--

Don't murder everyone in the city, you know?

What if there's just 20-- 20 righteous men?

Twenty righteous men, don't kill them.

And God goes, all right, hold on, I'm gonna check.

Nope. There's not.

And then Abraham goes, okay, 10.

He Jews God down

and God ain't having it and he goes, nah, there's not even 10.

He goes, but cheer up, I'm gonna save your brother and his family,

and what God does is send two angels disguised as travelers, okay?

And they're gonna get Lot out before the big, you know, droning.

The biblical droning, let's call it.

So, uh, so they show up and they're explaining to Lot what's happening,

and all of a sudden, there's a knock at the door and it's the entire city.

Like, the whole--

Every man and boy in the city, like every single one has shown up

and surrounded the house and they say,

hey, Lot, you know those guys that just came into your house?

Those two strangers?

Send 'em out, because we're gonna all fuck 'em.

- No. - Yeah.

- Horace: This is in the Bible? - I’m paraphrasing it, but it's--

They're gonna fuck 'em. Yeah, I don't-- I don't get it either.

I don't know if that's like the last...

Maybe they've just all fucked so much that there's not a new hole in town,

but I don't know when Lot moved in

how he got past that gauntlet of dicks that apparently--

Anyway, so Lot goes--

Now, this is also important, because besides how we know homos are bad,

according to the Bible, this is also how we know

that a straight man's asshole virginity is much more sacred

and precious than like your garbage pussy, okay?

Not you-- - You said my pussy is garbage?

- Well, no, all pussy is garbage, just in the eyes of God.

Not to me, I like it.

But I’m just saying, in the Bible, your--

To compare-- just an asshole hair of mine is worthless,

and that's in the story,

so they go send these guys out and Lot goes, oh, my God, don't--

Please don't fuck our guests.

All of you.

And he goes, look, take my two daughters.

- No. - He has two daughters, yeah.

He goes, take my two--

'Cause I know you guys gotta rape something, right?

So at least get it in the right hole.

I mean, actually, fuck 'em wherever you want,

but just please don't harm these two guys I've never met before.

So-- - That happened to my uncle.

- Well, so things looked pretty grim, you know, for those angels.

- Yeah, so-- - And the angels say, let's--

Now we're gonna step in, and they strike everyone blind, the whole--

Every man in the city and boy, blind.

And then they keep looking for the angels even though they're blind.

That's one of my favorite parts and they're like, where...

Where are those angels? I gotta have 'em.

And the angels lead Lot and his family out of the city,

'cause now there's time to explode,

and they go listen, this-- Don't even look back.

We're just gonna run straight outta here,

do not look back, whatever you do.

Don't take any of your stuff, we're just getting the hell out.

So they all are running, and then Lot's wife,

because she misses her stuff or whatever,

she turns around, like wistfully, as they're running,

and turns into a pillar of salt.

Yeah. This dumb cunt can't--

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. Watch that!

Watch what?

We don't say that word in here.

That's where you draw the line?

Yeah, don't say that word in here.

- You don't say it? - No, I don't say it.

Okay, well, let me say it for you.

Cunt! - Okay.

- Okay, okay... - You know what? Get outta here.

Hey, hey, hey, hey....

- Get out-- Get outta here right--

- She's not serious, right? - Don't look at him!

Listen to me. Get outta here right now.

- Sylvie, we don't do that. What are you doing?

Turn around and get out of here.

What the fuck, man?

Maybe go, Kurt.

- 'Cause I said "cunt," you're throwing me out?

- All right. - I am throwing you out.

- Maybe you should just go. Just-- - And don't come back.

- Whoa, whoa. - No, no, come on, he can come--

- Turn around! - We don't-- He's not banned.

- No, he can leave to cool you off, but he's not--

- All right. Fine, cool.

- Just go, Kurt. - All right.

- Come back later. - Yeah, no, I get it.

Cunt!

What the fuck?

That was intense.

Uh, hi.

Excuse me.

- Yeah, Pete there is the bartender. He can help you.

- No. I was just wondering, um...

Yeah?

- How you doing? - How-- How am I doing?

- Yeah, yeah. It's, uh...

You know, it's a nice day.

Sure.

- I’m just want-- I just wanted to start a conversation.

Ah. No, thank you.

Well, don't just say no.

I mean, please.

- Okay, what do you-- what do you want?

Well, that's a great question.

- Okay, well, like I said, um, I have work to do here.

Uh...

All right, I think you're very beautiful

and I think you're exciting

and I’d like to have a convers-s-sation with you.

Well, uh, see, I am working,

and so no, I really don't want to have a conversation.

You have cancer?

- Are you kidding me? - No, no, I--

I really wanted to know because I think it's really, really sexy.

- That I have cancer? - Yes.

I find it very erotic.

Uh, I mean, you're like--

Well, it's not that I think you're dying,

but it's like, you body is flirting with death.

That's sexy. - Really.

- Yeah. - So what-- what is sexy about that?

I don't know.

I-- I-- I don't know, it's just, uh, uh...

I use-- I work in a hospital.

Doing what?

- I clean. - Okay.

- Yeah, and-- and-- and, um, I used to just clean this one floor

and then they started sending me to the cancer ward

and I started seeing all these ladies with cancer,

and it really gave me a very special arousal.

I mean, I don't want to be off-f-fensive to you.

- Ah, you don't. Good.

Am I offending you?

Well, you're not impressing me.

- Oh, it's not that I would think the cancer is the only thing

I find attractive about you.

- Ah, well, that's a relief. Excuse me, will you?

Horace. - Sure.

- Yeah. - Is this right?

What's that?

I am looking at the beer invoices.