Parks and Recreation

EXCUSE ME.

ARE YOU LESLIE KNOPE? - YES.

WE ARE PART OF A GROUP

THAT TRIES TO IDENTIFY POTENTIAL CANDIDATES

FOR POLITICAL OFFICE HERE IN TOWN.

ARE YOU THEORETICALLY INTERESTED IN RUNNING FOR OFFICE?

ABSO-TOOT-LY I AM.

VERY SORRY THAT I JUST USED THAT WORD.

- BEFORE WE GO ANY FURTHER, I NEED YOU TO TELL ME

IS THERE A SCANDAL OUT THERE?

IS THERE ANYTHING AT ALL YOU NEED TO TELL US ABOUT YOUR LIFE?

NOPE.

WHO WERE THE SUITS?

- THEY WANT ME TO RUN FOR OFFICE.

- OH, MY GOD! LESLIE, YEA!

- I KNOW, RIGHT? YEA.

- YEA! - YEA!

- YEA! - YEA!

- WAIT, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN ABOUT YOU AND BEN?

I DON'T KNOW.

I THINK IT'S GONNA BE REALLY BAD.

- UH-OH. YOU JUST WANNA GO BACK TO SAYING "YEA"?

YES, PLEASE.

- OKAY, YEA. - YEA. YEA.

- KNOPE, FOLLOW ME. - JUST ONE SECOND.

- NOW! - RON, HEY!

WHOA! WHOA! WHOA, WHOA, WHOA! RON! RON, RON, RON, RON, RON!

WHAT'S GOING ON?

MY EX-WIFE TAMMY IS BACK.

- YEAH, I SAW HER IN THE COURTYARD.

- NO, MY OTHER EX-WIFE TAMMY. TAMMY ONE.

I HAVE ACCRUED 228 PERSONAL DAYS.

STARTING RIGHT NOW, I'M USING ALL OF THEM.

WHILE I'M GONE, YOU'RE IN CHARGE.

AH!

- ALSO, I KEEP A SIZABLE SUPPLY OF GROUND CHUCK IN MY DESK.

REMOVE IT OR IT WILL BEGIN TO SMELL.

GODSPEED.

- HI, RON. - MOVE!

WHOA!

AH, GEEZ.

*

- WARNING! HIGH LEVELS OF SWAGGER COMING THROUGH.

TOMMY HAVERFORD BACK IN THE PARKS DEPARTMENT.

ENTERTAINMENT720 HOCKEY JERSEY, ANYBODY?

BRANDED MOUSE PAD?

ENTERTAINMENT720 IS JUST A LITTLE MULTI-NATIONAL

ENTERTAINMENT COMPANY THAT I STARTED WITH MY BOY

JEAN-RALPHIO.

WHAT EXACTLY DO WE DO?

LET'S JUST SAY IT'S TOO HARD TO EXPLAIN.

DONNA, YOU LOOK AMAZING. HOW ARE THE KIDS?

- I DON'T HAVE KIDS. - WOW.

HOW LONG HAS IT BEEN? - THREE WEEKS.

- SO DID YOU GET A CHANCE TO LOOK

AT MY SAMPLE POSITION PAPERS?

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT MY STANCE ON EGYPTIAN DEBT RELIEF?

- UH, WELL, IT PROBABLY WON'T COME UP

IN A LOCAL CITY COUNCIL ELECTION.

BUT YOUR THOROUGHNESS, AS ALWAYS, IS IMPRESSIVE.

THANK YOU.

NOW, WE HAVE THREE MONTHS.

I THINK WE SHOULD START TALKING STRATEGY.

MY STRATEGY IS TO WIN.

I'VE BEEN DREAMING ABOUT RUNNING FOR PUBLIC OFFICE MY WHOLE LIFE.

WHILE OTHER GIRLS WERE PLAYING WITH BARBIES,

I WAS PLAYING WITH A GERALDINE FERRARO ACTION FIGURE

THAT I MADE MYSELF FROM A PICTURE OF HER THAT I GLUED

ONTO A POPSICLE STICK.

SEE YOU NEXT WEEK?

- OKAY, I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

HEY! WHAT--

- WHO WAS THAT? - UH...

LADY--JUST LADIES.

MEETING FOR THE LADIES' YACHT CLUB.

ANCHORS AWAY, LADIES. - WHAT?

JUST DON'T--

LADIES' YACHT CLUB?

- I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU HAVEN'T TOLD HIM YET.

- AFTER I TELL HIM, I'M RUNNING FOR OFFICE,

WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO BREAK UP.

- WHY CAN'T YOU JUST KEEP SNEAKING AROUND?

- ANN, YOU BEAUTIFUL, NAIVE, SOPHISTICATED, NEWBORN BABY.

WHAT?

- BEFORE, IF PEOPLE FOUND OUT, WE WOULD MAYBE LOSE OUR JOBS.

NOW, IF PEOPLE FIND OUT, IT'S GONNA BE A MAJOR SCANDAL.

MY CAMPAIGN WILL BE OVER BEFORE IT BEGINS.

- WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO? - I HAVE A PLAN.

AND IT'S REALLY GOOD.

I'M GONNA POSTPONE TELLING HIM

UNTIL YOU FIGURE OUT WHAT I'M SUPPOSED TO DO.

SO GET CRACKIN'.

HOW IS THIS ON ME?

- FINE! I'LL DO IT. GOD, WHO KEEPS EMAILING ME?

A PENIS. - WHAT?

OH, MY GOD.

OH--

IT'S EMAILING ME TOO.

- WHOEVER THIS IS SENT IT TO EVERY WOMAN

IN THE ENTIRE GOVERNMENT.

OH, MY GOD.

HE'S GONNA BE SO EMBARRASSED. I MEAN, THAT'S A CRAZY ACCIDENT.

- NO, ANDY, HE DID IT ON PURPOSE.

- YOU KNOW WHAT? RESPECT. THAT'S A BALLER MOVE.

PUN INTENDED.

EXCUSE ME.

- CHRIS, JERRY'S MAKING US LOOK AT DIRTY PICTURES

ON HIS COMPUTER.

- IT IS EXACTLY BECAUSE OF THAT LEWD PHOTO

THAT I AM HERE.

BEN AND I ARE LAUNCHING A FULL INVESTIGATION.

AND I WANT TO APOLOGIZE TO ALL THE WOMEN...

AND JERRY.

IF I COULD GO BACK IN TIME, AND CUT YOUR EYEBALLS OUT,

I WOULD.

- WOW, THAT IS SO SWEET. - THANK YOU.

- WE ARE GETTING A LOT OF MEDIA REQUESTS ABOUT THIS.

SO LESLIE, CAN YOU DO PERD HAPLEY?

HO! SHE CAN DO PERD HAPLEY.

HI-OH!

- SERIOUSLY, CAN YOU DO HIS TV SHOW?

OH, YEAH.

- ANDREW MY MAN-DREW, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO?

- I'M ABOUT TO DO AN EXPERIMENT WHERE I HUCK THIS AT THE WALL

AND SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

BUT THAT CAN WAIT. SHOE SHINE?

ANDY, I'M GONNA BE HONEST.

I CAME HERE TODAY TO TALK TO YOU.

NOW LOOK, YOU'RE ENTHUSIASTIC. YOU'RE HARD-WORKING.

YOU CAN LIFT HEAVY THINGS.

I THINK THERE MIGHT BE A PLACE FOR YOU

OVER AT ENTERTAINMENT720.

OH, MY GOD.

WHAT IS THAT?

IT'S MY COMPANY!

I DON'T KNOW, TOM.

I MEAN, I'M JUST NOW GETTING REALLY GOOD AT SHOE SHINING.

AND I MEAN, I'M STILL PRETTY BAD AT IT.

- LET ME ASK YOU THIS. ARE YOU LIVING YOUR DREAMS?

- I DON'T KNOW, TOM. - WELL, I'M LIVING MINE.

AND IF YOU WANNA LIVE YOURS, HERE'S MY CARD.

- IT'S IMPOSSIBLE TO READ. - BLACK PRINT, BLACK BACKGROUND.

IT'S THE COOLEST POSSIBLE COLOR SCHEME.

- YEAH. - IT'S ALSO A STRONG MAGNET.

SO DON'T PUT IT IN YOUR WALLET. IT WILL ERASE YOUR CREDIT CARDS,

GUARANTEED.

- DESTROY MY CREDIT CARDS. DEBT AND EVERYTHING?

- MR. MAYOR, I PROMISE YOU THAT WE WILL FIND THE OWNER

OF THAT WEINER

AND WE WILL PUNISH HIM. GOOD-BYE.

ANN PERKINS! - HEY.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHO TO COME TO WITH THIS,

BUT THAT PICTURE, UH--THERE'S SOMETHING VERY DISTURBING

ABOUT THE TESTICLES.

- I'VE ALWAYS FELT THE SAME WAY MYSELF.

THE TESTICLES ARE LIKE THE EARS OF THE GENITAL SYSTEM.

THEY SERVE A VERY IMPORTANT FUNCTION,

BUT THEY'RE NOT THAT GREAT TO LOOK AT.

- OKAY, WOW. NO, I WAS SPEAKING MEDICALLY.

THEY'RE ENLARGED.

I THINK THAT MAYBE THAT GUY IS SICK WITH SOMETHING--

PERHAPS, A HERNIA, OR MUMPS.

- ANN PERKINS! YOU REALLY KNOW YOUR TESTES.

THANK YOU?

- FOR A FEMALE PERSPECTIVE ON THIS SCANDAL,

WE TURN TO A WOMAN, LESLIE KNOPE.

I'M ABOUT TO ASK YOU A QUESTION RIGHT NOW

AND THAT QUESTION IS THIS.

THE LEWD PHOTO-- JUST HOW BIG A DEAL IS IT?

- WELL, FRANKLY, PERD, IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL.

IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

- I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

BUT IT HAD THE CADENCE OF A JOKE.

- WHEN MEN IN GOVERNMENT BEHAVE THIS WAY,

THEY BETRAY THE PUBLIC'S TRUST.

MAYBE IT'S TIME FOR MORE WOMEN TO BE IN CHARGE.

- THERE YOU HAVE IT, WHERE "IT" IS THE THING

LESLIE KNOPE JUST SAID ABOUT THIS SITUATION.

PERD HAP--

- HOW WAS THAT? WAS THAT OKAY?

- AMAZING. THAT SOUND BITE IS GOLD.

- YOU'RE GONNA GET GREAT FEEDBACK ON THIS,

AND WE THINK WE CAN CAPITALIZE.

YOU'RE GONNA ANNOUNCE YOUR CANDIDACY ON FRIDAY.

- FRIDAY. IN THREE MONTHS.

- NO, THIS FRIDAY. IS THAT OKAY?

- NO, YEAH. YES, IT IS GREAT.

OKAY, WE'LL DO THAT THEN NOW SOON.

AND, UM, I JUST HAVE SOMETHING I'VE BEEN POSTPONING FOR A WHILE

THAT I NEED TO DO, BUT I'LL DO IT NOW.

- GREAT. - GREAT.

YEA.

- I KNOW IT. HA HA. OKAY.

BEN? I NEED TO TALK TO YOU.

- THAT WAS MY BROTHER. HE JUST HAD A BABY GIRL.

- OH, MY GOD, THAT'S HORRIBLE. OR GOOD--FULL DISCLOSURE.

I DIDN'T LISTEN TO WHAT YOU JUST SAID.

I NEED TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT SOMETHING--

- OKAY, WELL, BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING,

LET ME JUST SHOW YOU WHAT I GOT AT DOUG'S DONUTS.