The L Word - Fifth Season

It's a scorcher out there, folks.

According to the National Weather Service,

we won't get released from the triple-digit heat

until sometime early next week.

You boys are ready? Okay, let's get that camera on set.

Did you load the 500T?

It gets against rules to make us work under this kind of heat.

- Try to stay hydrated. - Yeah. Thanks, buddy.

Water?

He has what?

- Uh, it's an Elmo. - A what?

An Elmo tattoo.

What grown man gets Elmo tattooed on his ass?

How long is it gonna take to cover?

You know, in this heat, it's hard to get the makeup to ??? to his butt chicks.

- It's all running down his crack. - Oh, look.

Maybe the character would have an Elmo ass tattooed.

- And then we wont have to cover it. - No.

- No. - Alright.

Okay, here we go. Let's lock it up. And...

Roll sound, please.

69, take 1. Mark.

And...

action!

- What's going on? - What?

- Come on! - What is... What the fuck is this?

I think, I think we're having a power failure.

- What? - Shit!

Shit, shit, shit!

- Back on, back on. - Okay.

Okay. Listen up, everybody.

So Cal Edison is doing the rolling blackouts again.

So let's shoot while we can.

Let's have fun, all squeeze!

Alright, you heard her.

You want a blast?

Yeah, please. Thank you.

Apparently this is earthquake weather.

Go ahead, bitch, bring it on.

- You're okay? - Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I'll get over it.

- Thank you. - 69, take 2. Mark.

And action.

Okay. Cut, cut, cut.

Hey, you guys?

It's actually... that's not... That's not the scene.

Okay? This is an obligatory fuck. You don't wanna fuck him.

You don't like having sex with this guy, okay?

Okay, but... I mean,

he's been my boyfriend for like three years, right? I mean,

why would I hate having sex with him now?

- Yes. That's what I was kinda thinking too. - Thanks, Fallon, I got this.

'Cause you're in love with Karina, okay?

You probably don't like having sex with that guy.

Just because I like women doesn't mean I have to hate men. I mean,

come on, Jenny, is this a man-hating movie?

It's not a man-hating film,

but the scene as written

is about the experience of being force to have sex

with this guy,

when the night before, you've just had the most beautiful, mind-blowing sex.

With a woman.

Now this

hairy guy is just pounding you, like unh unh unh...

What does that do? It hurts. You want to cry.

Is that okay with you?

- Yeah? - Yeah, okay. Thank you.

Its that okay? Thanks. Thanks.

Alright, let's go now.

Very good then. Let's lock it up, please.

- And roll sound. - So to speak.

Thanks.

Shhh. Settle, settle.

69, take 3. Mark.

Action.

Okay. Cut, cut.

Okay, it looks like you love fucking this guy.

You don't like fucking him, okay?

Do you understand that?

Hang on a sec.

Look at me.

Did you fuck him?

Can I have my uh... Can we just...

lock it up? Thanks.

Listen to me, okay?

Please.

I was drunk, it was after the party.

It meant nothing, okay? It was a mistake.

I understand.

- You feel pressured. - I mean, they're pressuring me,

and they're making their scene in a heterosexual sex M.O. now,

and I swear to God, Jenny, I wish it was you

and I'm so sorry, and I will never do it again.

Thanks. Can I just, uh,

a minute

with him?

Thanks.

Hey, Fallon? Can I just talk to you for a sec?

- Yeah, yeah. What? What is it? - Hey.

I just wanted to talk to you about fucking your co-star.

Do you realize how irresponsible

- and destructive that is? - I didn't think it was...

It's unprofessional, okay?

You've tampered with the chemestry

between the two of you.

It is a vile

and despicable act.

Alright?

You're fired.

- What? - Get outta here.

- With this fucking black, I can't... - Get the fuck out of my set.

Fuck this shit!

So, I called Joey Manhohand, I said "Go ahead,

take us to Court,

'cause you've got a final bust offer on the table.

And no judge in California is gonna let you walk away with anything,

like we were stipulating.

You're gonna take one look at your client,

and you're gonna say,

"Put your socks, old man,

go back to work.

- Stop wighting like a girl". - Wighting like a girl.

Leonard always wighted like a girl.

- What did Joey say? - He caved.

- Yes. - Oh, it made him sweat like a pig.

Even more than I'm sweating right now in this blasted heat.

And we should have documents to sign tomorrow.

I'd love Molly to meet you. She's having second thoughts about law school.

- She wants to take a semester off. - I thought Molly was on Leonard's camp.

She's just so angry. You would be such an inspiration for her.

If you and I were still... I mean, if I

- hadn't been so foolish... - Oh, you made your choice.

- I accepted it. Didn't I? - Yeah.

You gave me my space to run around like a crazy adolescent.

Okay, Phyllis. I want you to listen to me.

It's understandable, given that we've just had this little triumph together,

and given how smoldering hot

the two of us were in the sack...

It's understandable that you might be feeling

a tiny bit amorous towards me right now.

I'm just trying to stand by my convictions here, m'dear.

But you are making it awfully difficult in that sweet

little slip of a frock.

Sweetie...

Joyce...

You're sitting on my shirt.

- What? - You're sitting on my shirt.

Let it go.

This is it.

I had to fight some old snooty woman at the Bodega for the last of it,

but I got it! Yes!

This hot-ass earthquake weather, man, just makes people mean. Just meeeean.

Hey Kit, are you going to that, uh,

- sit-down anything? - I don't know. You know,

I don't trust 'em. I do not trust those SheBar bitches

coming up in here with some ol' mobster crap.

I mean, let me read this to you:

"We request your presence at a sit-down

to mediate grievances and lesbo turf.

At the SheBar. Lunch will be served". Are these bitches crazy?

Alright. I know. Oh, thanks.

And everyone got one of those. Me too.

I met 'em once, when I was stoned.

Why do they want you to go?

No idea.

They must be workin' some angle.

Well, maybe you should come with me.

Protect me. Just in case.

Well, you have to go to the sit-down, Kit. For sure.

You know, hear what they have to say.

You know, negociation works sometimes, Kit.

Okay, alright. But at the first sign of bullshit, I walk.

Listen to me, okay?

Stop! Stop! Alright! You can't fire Greg.

You can't fire him! Are you listenning to me?!

Do you know what the fuck you're doing?!

It's William on the phone for you.

Jenny, you have to take this. He's calling from Dubai.

Monsieur,

- you ???. It's nothing. - Give me a break.

Don't worry about it.

Everything's gonna be fine.

Fine?

She just fired the only male lead actor

in our fucking movie. It's not fine, Adele.

I know.

Right now, he's telling her to march right back in,

apologize to Greg and rehire him.

William? And she'll listen to him?

Yeah.

I think Jenny will listen to him.

Fuck.

- Oh, my God... - Excuse me.

I'm wandering if any of you

have seen

dumbshit actor boy around?

- No? No one's seen him? Adele? - Yeah?

Could you, uh, find Mr. Fallon for me?

- Yeah. Sure. - Thanks.

I can see

that you're talking about me.