Psych

What are you doing?

My book report.

How's that possible?

Didn't you just start this book, like, a half an hour ago?

Yeah, I read the flap and then the first chapter,

Then I totally figured out the ending, so it's cool.

Well, how do you know that you're right?

Because you taught me how to draw conclusions.

Shawn, you know what you're doing, don't you?

Yep. Banking a whole afternoon of video game time.

No.

You're operating on incomplete information.

It's sloppy, and one day,

You're gonna find yourself embarrassed by it.

Dad, please, it's pretty obvious

To figure out what's gonna happen.

Wilbur's gonna win the pig ribbon,

And he and Charlotte are gonna live happily ever after.

All right, I'll tell you what.

If you get an "A" on that report,

I'm gonna take you to Disneyland.

Sweet!

Good luck, kiddo.

You were doing exactly what I'm doing now

When you poisoned...

Mr. Camfini's pizza.

Think about what you want on this pizza.

It's the last one you'll eat

Before you go to prison... For murder.

I could also do a calzone.

It's the same basic principle, right?

Where's the pineapple?

You guys don't have any pineapple?

- Shawn, Shawn. - Dad?

You gotta stop.

I've made a pizza before. I know what I'm doing.

Shawn, you've got the wrong guy.

He's the only one in the world

Who couldn't possibly have done this.

Didn't you ever read the case file?

Yeah, I read th--

Went over the summary and part of the first--

I don't have time to read case files, okay?

Shawn, medical alert bracelet.

The guy can't handle nuts.

What?

Shawn, the poison was dissolved in peanut oil.

His hands would look like baseball mitts

If he even got near that poison.

What'd I tell you?

Uh...

Okay! First of all, let me apologize

For this interruption of process.

I borrowed $5 from my father last week,

And he's decided that now

Would be an appropriate time to collect.

Well, here you go, pop.

Here's your five clams. Take it.

Buy your lotto tickets.

Waste it on false hopes, easy dreams.

Meanwhile, I will go back to doing what I do,

Which is working for a living.

Speaking of working for a living,

How can you, sir,

Stand there with a clean conscience,

While I accuse an innocent young man

Or murder, when it was in fact you--yes, you--

Who poisoned Mr. Camfini's pizza?

You did this?

Yes, I did.

I've had this place for 25 years.

I wasn't gonna let anyone

Sell off my place to some chain.

This is a family business.

Yeah, I know. I'm your nephew.

You were gonna let him take me?

You know what? My work here is done.

Jules, cuff him.

Lassie, finish topping that pizza.

[Mr. Vito and Sal arguing indistinctly]

I got here as fast as I could.

What did I miss?

Just me nailin' that guy.

Whoa! What are you talking about?

I nailed the guy.

How can you rewrite history like that?

You're talkin' to a guy

Who wrote a term paper on president Mitchell.

Shawn, the fact is,

I saved your ass in there once again.

It's not the first time.

Name another.

Are you kidding?

When don't you come to me for last-minute guidance?

Shh, shh, shh! Okay, okay.

I'm in a slump. Gimme a break.

I'll give you this one on a technicality.

But all the other stuff you do,

Don't you think that falls under fatherly duties?

Did that not sound like a thank you?

Hello. Walter Snowden.

I'd like to introduce myself

And say very impressive work.

Thanks, Walt. I'm Shawn Spencer.

This is my partner... Burton Guster.

Or should I say Ghee Buttersnaps

Or Lavender Gooms

Or Clementine Wooliesocks, perhaps?

Wow, this guy really is a fan.

A fan or a stalker.

Ghee Buttersnaps was said

On a secure military base with no one else around.

Well, let's just say I've been following your work

For quite a while now,

And this last is very impressive.

I thought you were going to accuse that first gentleman.

Would have been completely ridiculous.

All:

I wouldn't--I wouldn't say completely ridiculous.

I mean, he did have a douchey face, don't you think?

Well, I saw what you were up to.

You turned it around.

You created a false sense of security

For the real culprit,

And then you coerced a confession out of him.

I mean, that was just...

Brilliant.

Let's just say that I am amazing

And leave it at that.

Ah.

I'd like to offer you a job.

Thank you, but no, thank you.

He already has a job.

Now, this is for the both of you, actually.

I run a, well, fairly well-known

Private security firm,

And I'm working for a gentleman

Who is quite, uh, important.

You know, Walt,

Our jobs require that we go shirtless

At any given moment, and this, no offense,

Sounds a little dry.

Well, it's a two-week operation.

I'll offer you $8,500 a day.

Do the math.

Gus, do the math.

That's a lot of money.

So, um, what would we be doing exactly?

Oh, you'd be part of a prestigious think tank.

A think tank?

Yes, a hand-picked assembly of experts,

Who would be working with my client,

Mr. Ashton Bonaventure.

The billionaire businessman?

That's fantastic. I love that guy.

I love his mane.

Let me guess, he's looking for new product ideas.

Uh, no product ideas.

Well, he will be after I pitch him

The concept for the electric sponge.

This has nothing to do with any of his businesses.

So what will we be doing?

Preventing his assassination.

* *

* I know you know *

* that I'm not telling the truth *

* I know you know *

* they just don't have any proof *

* embrace the deception *

* learn how to bend *

* your worst inhibitions *

* tend to psych you out in the end *

* I know you know *

The latest threat on Mr. Bonaventure's life

Has been alarmingly precise.

It states he will not survive his speech

In Santa Barbara.

Any questions before we get in the room?

Yes. When will Gus and I be riding

In Mr. Bonaventure's hot air balloon?

Well, I don't even see where that is

A part of your duties.

I see.

Can I ride on the back of his jet ski

While he performs water doughnuts?

I don't see how that'll help protect him.

Mm-hmm. Will he at least leave the outgoing message

On my answering machine?

Look, Mr. Spencer, I believe in doing

Whatever it takes to stimulate the creative process,

Within limits, and to that effect,

I have addressed all of the items

On your contract rider.

- Rider? - Yes.

We have people looking

For your regulation-size trampoline,

The packs of big league chew,

And, of course, Mr. Guster's official NBA

"Let's blast it" air horn.

I didn't want one of those.