Dude Bro Party Massacre III

This is "Dude Bro Party Massacre III."

What you doing, buddy?

You mowing the lawn?

D-u-u-ude!

Br-o-o-o-o!

P-a-a-arty!

Massacre!

Three.

Three times this week you've been in here,

and you've yet to tell me why you keep saying "massacre."

It was just so painful.

There was so much blood.

Brock... This is a safe place.

I need you to open up.

This is about those two previous mass murders

on Frat Row, isn't it?

I don't know if I can talk about that.

It's just... so painful.

Okay. I'll try.

The first party massacre started

with a panty raid gone wrong.

The sorority house mother was pissed.

No one taught her how to open doors.

But she learned.

And she was out for revenge.

Oh! Little help, bro?

Wh... Wha... Oh, no!

Road Doggie was her first victim.

Daddy's bro. Ugh...

Next, she went after Cindy and C-Trunk.

Oh, C-Trunk.

Oh, C-Trunk!

What's taking you bros so long to shower?!

But when she killed Coach Handsey,

- I had to wonder... - Aah!

...was she on our side?

Good throw.

- She wasn't! - Aah!

- Whoa! - Ohh!

She hunted us down!

Frat Row was no longer a street.

It was... a river... - Ohh! - ...of blood!

It was the death of Scooter that rallied us together.

Aah!

The house mother was dead, see?

And I became a full Delta Bi Theta.

But little did we know...

mother had a daughter.

Anyway, junior year, we raged even harder.

We thought we were gonna live forever.

And then fire... We were wrong.

Could you hold my hair back, bro?

Someone took her place.

Motherface.

The junior-year streaking contest was under way.

I was supposed to officiate,

but I couldn't go because I got pink eye.

That fart on my face saved my life.

Too bad I couldn't say the same for Jimmy Galoshes.

No one was safe from her wrath...

Yeah. "Areolas." Gonna masturbate.

...not even Little Spoon.

Aah.

Not Timmy and Tommy, the Birdstone twins.

Look, babe... no hands!

Not concert pianist Chaz Noodlemen.

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!

Not even our weed dealer.

There was no way to deal with the stress.

Aaaah!

Randall went on to have three kids.

He seems happy. I'm actually grabbing lunch

with him tomorrow.

But then she killed Dolphman.

It was Delta Bi genocide.

But in the end,

thanks to our good looks and bond of brotherhood,

the Delta Bis triumphed once more.

Looks like your flame... retarded.

I projected an air of cool, calm confidence,

'cause I'm Brock, you know?

But something in her eyes...

Something told me that nothing could stop Motherface.

...not even the grave.

Brock!

The serial killer known as Motherface is dead.

You told me you killed her yourself.

It's time you take your life...

...back.

Thank God my twin brother Brent

didn't want to get involved in the Greek system.

We used to be so close.

We haven't talked that much since we went

to different colleges, but I still...

feel him... like we have some sort of...

psychological connection.

Brock, I need you to tell me what you're most afraid of.

Besides seeing all my bros killed before my very eyes?

Yes, besides that.

Please, tell me everything.

I don't know.

After watching 17 of my best friends

get killed by some crazy lady,

I guess you could say I'm a little bit afraid of women.

Well, then it looks like we're gonna have to

cut this session short.

Oh, I thought we were making good progress.

Really? What are you doing?!

Aah! Damn it, Brock Chirino, you punk!

You're gonna kill someone with that thing!

No. Ernest, that's Brent Chirino,

Brock's twin brother.

He transferred here after Brock was killed

in that brutal freak accident. Oh.

You know I've been trying to work on my temper, Sebastian.

Brock was the coolest.

Hey, there goes that sexy Brent Chirino.

Too bad his twin brother died.

I would've loved to have been the meat

in that Chirino sandwich.

Yeah, at least Brock wore a helmet!

I'm looking at you, Brent!

If you're hiding any drugs in your butthole, missy,

I swear to God...

Brent... Look out!

Brent.

There's still time!

Unh!

You really threw me for a loop.

I was on the edge of my seat.

Say, aren't you that fella whose cool brother was murdered?

Whatever.

I don't want to talk about it.

Well, name's Nedry... Nedry Headcheese.

Chirino... Brent Chirino.

I think you'll find I have a lot to offer

as a best friend.

Whatever, man. I'm not here to make friends.

I'm here to find out who murdered my brother

and get revenge.

Say, isn't this the frat

your murdered brother belonged to?

Maybe we could pledge together,

find out what really happened to your brother.

I always thought... I promised myself

I would never join a fraternity.

I already had one brother.

I don't need any other brothers.

And that's why, even though a pack of wolves

took the use of my legs,

I decided to become a zoology major.

My whole family was once murdered by wolves.

Well, well, well...

If it isn't Brock Chirino, back from the dead.

Actually, I'm Brock's twin brother, Brent.

Weird.

Hey, you looking to pledge?

Great to have you aboard Delta Bi.

- Oh, I... - But I...

I understand, you know?

If you need some more time to get over

your brother's tragic death... No.

I'm done grieving.

I'm ready to party until my pants fall off.

Welcome to Delta Bi Theta.

I think you're gonna fit right in with the guys.

I'm Derek. I'm the friendliest guy you'll meet here.

Shut the fuck up, Derek!

Nice comeback, bro.

Don't mind the camera. That's Z.Q.

You should see the workout tapes he makes of us bros.

They're very... artistic.

- Hi. - Hello.

Come on. Let's go inside.

Siskel and Ebert say "Pizza Goblins"

is "family magic."

"Two thumbs way down."

Dragons fr...

Welcome to Delta Bi.

You'll see that the party never stops here.

That's Spike. He rages harder than any of us.

Classic Spike.

That there is Sizzler.

He's trying to pledge Delta Bi,

but he won't get in 'cause he's a vegetarian.

What?

This here is Samzy.

He has a lot of memories of your brother.

I made them just like you like them, Samzy... overhard.

- Pretty nice. - Overhard.

Like you, Samzy.

Sorry.

Samzy's a bit of a bitch.

Oh. That explains it.

This is Todd.

We call him T-O-Double-D for short.

He's pre-med. Smartest guy in the frat.

Ohh!

Jesus, Derek, not now!