Baskets

No excuse for animal abuse!

No excuse for animal abuse!

- Excuse me... - Yeah, I just... No.

Is it true that this rodeo has been abusing animals?

I don't know what's going on at all.

- How's it going, jackass? - (horse neighs)

Hey, Eddie. Sorry about last night. Family thing.

What's with all the protestors outside? Is it because of the dung smell?

Rodeo is a mean thing.

- Ooh. - The bulls are mean.

Cowboys are meaner than shit.

And the audience, they can be meaner than anyone

if their cheap beer runs out.

That's why the rodeo needs you damn fool clowns.

Defuse situations.

Take people's mind off all the blood and gore out there

when some cowboy gets trashed by a bull.

And with you gone last night,

things just went to pure shit.

- Yeah, but Bingo was there last night. - Bingo is a number-two clown.

He wants to be number-one clown.

When a feller ain't comfortable in his position,

he's a dangerous animal.

What did he do?

First thing he does, he goes out there,

upchucks his moonshine lunch.

This old bull...

This old bull goes over there and gets all boozy eye

and puts his boozy eyes on old Bingo's fat-ass keg of swill

and says, "Mmm. That's where that good moonshine come from."

So he takes off after Bingo, and Bingo run.

Boy, he run like no chickenshit son of a bitch

ever run in his life.

Bingo runs into the bleachers.

That bull went right after him.

I ain't never seen a bull climb a fence like that.

Folks is just scrambling to get away. So I takes my gun out.

Blam! I shoot that bull right in the eyes.

- You did? - It was a damn shame.

That was a fine bull. I was aiming at Bingo's wide old butt crack.

Well, at least you didn't commit murder, you know?

You wronged me, Baskets.

But what Bingo did was worse. Got me to thinking.

I got some of my own personal accounts to be settled.

Could be maybe this old gun come in handy for one last thing.

- But you don't know where Bingo is, right? - Oh, I know where he's at.

Now, then. Your girlfriend, she's got a car, right?

Yeah, Martha has a car. Yeah, she'll take you.

- Come on, let's go. - I don't need to go, do I?

You and Martha go. I think the two of you could handle this.

You owe me, Baskets. We gotta do this.

Boycott! Boycott!

Hey, Eddie. Where we going? Gotta get some cowboy justice.

Okay, but where? If I put it in my map...

Down the road... Just drive.

There's a big tree on the right, you turn left.

Do you have, like, an address? 'Cause it's easier to set it and forget it

with an actual, like, a number.

'Cause if we... I can just...

Where are we going, Eddie? To a tree?

- It's up there. - (female voice, indistinct)

Shut up, lady!

Good to go.

- Did you put... - Yes!

Is there something weird going on?

We're going to do some unpleasant business,

and I don't want to talk about it.

Okay. Well...

Martha.

- Are you okay? - Hmm?

Chip, I'm sorry. I'm not good at charades.

I'm sorry. I can't...

The guy in the middle has a gun.

- Ed... Eddie? What? - (sighs)

- Pull over. I got to pee. - Okay.

Is that code for something?

Martha: What kind of gun do you think he has?

What difference does it make? That's the gun he's going to use to kill Bingo.

Well, shoot.

Does that make us complicit?

Or liable? Or is it libel?

- Possibly all three. I don't know. - (clicks tongue)

We probably could just leave old Pissagara Falls here.

Probably be peeing for three more hours. He won't even know we left.

Okay, let's go.

Couple more miles, we take a detour...

Eddie style.

Who's there? Eddie!

Is that you?

- Is that Bingo? - Maybe it's his sister.

Eddie!

- (mattress pounding) - (woman moaning)

- (Eddie shouting, indistinct) - (moaning continues)

- Whoa! - (woman laughs)

Oh, my goodness. That's about as much fun

as I had since the pig got loose.

Here's 40 dollars to help keep the lights on.

Oh, you are a gentleman as ever.

Well, that mattress is awful wet.

You and Martha want to use the sofa?

- For what? - No, thank you. We're good.

- How about a snack? - Snacks are good.

Yeah.

How are those beans?

Um, I'm not that big of a bean fan.

I can make you something else. Would you like some macaroni and cheese?

Yellow? White? Would you like that, honey?

I would. Yeah, I would love that.

No problem.

Oh, careful of that bourbon, honey.

It's meaner than Willie Nelson on a good day.

Is Willie Nelson mean?

Oh, you're so young, you wouldn't know.

- Wha... - Um, Willie Nelson...

One of the most dangerous singer-songwriters that ever

traveled these United States, isn't that so?

- That is, that's so. - And he is a dirty fighter.

- That's so, too. - Hmm.

Well, on his CD, he looks really nice in this picture.

That's all smoke and mirrors.

This is the real Willie Nelson she's talking about.

Hell, Willie Nelson's the one that messed up Roy Orbison's eyes,

threw cocaine right in them.

- No kidding. - Mm-hmm.

- Martha, shh. - That's how a dirty fighter does it.

They throw cocaine in your eyes.

Poor Roy. God.

Now don't you worry about Roy Orbison.

- (chuckles) - Roy got his own.

- He did. - He got his, didn't he?

- He did. - Yes, he did.

Hard to believe.

Well, you need to open your mind, Martha,

or your life's just gonna be shit. (chuckles)

I like you.

- I should stop. - (chuckles)

So where are you all headed?

We're gonna go with Eddie to kill one of his employees.

Same old Eddie.

Eddie's just a little boy that's pretending to be John Wayne.

But you're not a cowboy.

I'm a clown.

Oh, that is a fine trade. (pats leg)

It's honest work. Your mom must be so proud.

Oh, well, my mom ain't too proud of me, neither.

On account that you're a hooker?

Come here. Come here. Come here. Come on.

Clowns are brave.

Mm-hmm.

That's the truth.

Oh, Chip. He never has cash.

Does your friend take debit?

It's not a filling station, honey.

Well, it kind of is.

Take debit. (laughs)

- Did you ever have any kids, Thelma? - Nope. You?

- No. - Hmm.

Well, you still got a ring on your finger.

Not too late, you know?

Yeah, I wanted to start a family, but she up and left for Paris.

Oh...

Well, the whole California music scene

up and moved to Nashville when I wanted to have kids.

That's unfair, you would have been a great mom.

You're a good boy.

- Hi, there. - Hi. You Thelma?

- That I am. - Oh, you with another customer right now?

Do you mind giving us about five more minutes before you start sexing?

Well, I could, but I was told this is my time right now.

You're messing with my livelihood, baby boy.

Come on. Come on up, dear. Come on up.

Take my hand.

Don't mind the guests. They're very friendly.

- This is Martha. - Oh, hi. I'm Martha.

Hi, Martha.

- She seemed nice. - Thelma is an old friend of mine.

I have lots of friends on these roads.

This is fun. It reminds me of summer camp.

Did you ever go to camp? No. Did you?

- No. - Listen.

If something weird happens with Bingo, you're gonna have to call the cops, okay?

Well, Chip, you know I'm uncomfortable with the pigs.

Chip: Please.

I guess it'd be good for me to get out of my comfort zone.

Ow! Oh, God.

Oh, God, I got bit. Chip, I got bit by a snake.

- It's a gopher snake. - Oh, shit. Sorry.

About as poisonous as a paper cut.

Okay. I'm sorry for overreacting.

Ow! Oh, God. I got bit on my ankle.