Grace and Frankie

How do you break something you don't even use?

Hi, you've reached Frankie. You know what to do.

Hey, Frankie...

But in case you don't, in a moment or so,

you're going to hear a beeping noise.

- OK... - That's your cue to record a message,

which I will later play and return at my leisure.

- Frankie... - Hola!

Este es el teléfono del Frankie.

Oh, for the love of...

Hey, girl. Um...

I just... I'm calling to see if you're up yet.

And, uh, there's just one little thing that I want to talk to you about.

Don't worry, it's not about the dishwasher.

Jefferson Starship, Sol!

- What are you doing here? - I'm sorry. I was just...

resting here.

All night.

You told him.

I did. I did.

Oh, God. What happened?

Well, I slept on your patio.

- Are you OK? - No. It was terrible.

He was so shocked. So hurt.

And then so furious.

Like he wanted to push me down the stairs.

You told him at the top of the stairs?

No, we were in the kitchen. It's just the way he looked at me.

What have I done?

Oh.

No.

Damn my Christ-like capacity for compassion.

I'm sorry, Sol.

- I am. - I don't know what to do.

Me neither. It's a lot for 8:16 in the morning.

Let's go inside. We're gonna need some java.

- What's in the mug? - Butterscotch pudding.

Well, Frankie, what happened this time?

Were you trying to see if you could fit in there?

Or did you stand on the door to see into the neighbor's outdoor shower?

If you must know, I was very tired and I forgot which way it opens from.

But right now we have bigger fish to fry.

I'm the fish.

He spent the night on our patio.

- I told Robert. - You didn't.

I had to.

But he's barely over his heart attack.

Trust me, if you'd been there you would have done the same thing.

I couldn't go one more minute with that lie between us.

So you just left him there alone?

Well, he started shouting

"get out, get out, get out."

I didn't know what to do,

so I started reciting this poem I referenced in my vows.

Oh, good Lord, no.

"The varietals of orchids are as varied as the varietals of my love."

Sol, that was not a good poem.

It was a very, very, very bad choice.

I have to go back. I have to at least check on him.

No, not you. You can't. He won't even let you in the door.

- I have to do something. - I'll go make sure he's OK.

- For right now, you just stay here. - Oh!

Can I say that I'm concerned about the "stay here" part?

I hate to ask, but if you're going, could you please get my wallet?

I ran out without it. It's right on the table in the foyer.

Sure.

It's salmon-colored raffia woven in the shape of a tortoise.

- I remember. - It says "Chill Out" on it.

- I remember. - You're sure you're OK doing this?

I've learned to live with a very flexible definition of "OK."

You just hug yourself for a second.

I will be right back.

- You can't leave me here with Sol. - Take it easy.

Once I know that Robert's still standing and I've removed some sharp objects,

I'll grab Sol's children's wallet and come right home.

I haven't seen Sol since that karmic shit-storm at the hospital

and now I'm supposed to hang out with him in my kitchen?

Once I get him his credit card, he'll be the exclusive responsibility

- of JW Marriott. - But until then...

You're gonna be fine, Frankie. You can do this. Go paint.

You love high school talent shows, there's always one of those going on.

- OK, I'll look. - OK. First, fix my dishwasher.

- I remember this thing was always... - No, no, no.

- I don't need you to do that. - Frankie,

I'll be out of here as soon as I can.

In the meantime, I was just trying to be useful.

Can I make you some tea?

Oh, well... No, no. Leave it.

- That's how Grace likes it. - Are you OK?

Well, no. I would actually like some tea.

But if you make it, then I'll decide that we also need toast,

- which we will inevitably put jam on. - I'm actually not very hungry, but...

And if we're doing a continental breakfast,

the next thing you know, we'll have Parade magazine out

and we'll be laughing at those people who want to know where Urkel went

and I cannot dance that toxic merengue with you again.

- OK. I get it. - I've got to get out of here.

There you are.

I brought you a croissant.

Well, most of a croissant. I ate some of it driving around looking for you.

This is a big place.

Oh, I didn't know you were coming over.

I didn't either. And I suddenly found myself in the car

driving over to see my... my special man-friend.

I'm always happy to see you, but, uh,

I'm kind of in the middle of something here.

What kind of something? Can I help?

No, no. I've got it covered.

What... What's in there? Are you hiding something?

Of course not.

Well, then why won't you let me go in?

Well, it's, um... It's just a bad time.

Why? Is this a meth lab?

Are you building a Japanese fighting robot?

Is it a woman?

Frankie, come on.

Then just tell me the truth. I can't take any more secrets and lies.

All right. Come on.

Come on. It's OK.

Creepy.

This is what I'm doing.

Archery? You secretly run a summer camp?

You steal from the rich and give to the poor?

That is a noble pursuit. But no.

Then what am I looking at here?

There's a boar who's been eating my chickens and my melons

and my bicycle pump.

So you're gonna kill him?

- That's the plan. - Thank heaven. I thought, uh,

maybe a farmer's daughter might pop out of the hay.

Wait a minute. You're hunting?

No, this is horrible. I have a huge problem with this.

Exactly why I tried to keep it from you.

Oh, yeah, that was really smart.

Yeah.

What can I do for you?

Are you hungry?

- Not really. - You have to eat.

Come on, Dad. Something healthy?

Something greasy? Huh? Huh?

The neighbors said we can use their address

for all the pizza places that have blackballed Mom.

It's OK, Bud.

I had a banana.

Dad, I'm so sorry.

- Do you want to talk about it? - I'm not sure I'm ready to.

OK. Well, let's talk about that.

I really appreciate your coming over,

but there's really nothing you can do for me.

No, no, no, I'm not leaving you hanging in that chair.

This is the Lifetime movie where I walk out the door

thinking you're OK and then you're Heather Locklear in a red dress

stepping in front of a bus.

- What was that? - It's nothing, it's nothing.

It's something. It's something with the McCarthy divorce.

But don't worry, I'm taking care of it.

Wait, I thought they were going to settle.

Little hiccup. She shot him.

- What? - Just in the foot.

- OK? Don't worry about it. - Oh, God, was he cheating?

I know Robert doesn't have a gun, but they're so easy to get.

OK, you really should not be dealing with acrimonious divorces right now.

Oh, my God, work. I've got to prepare the deposition for Monday.

Dad. I got it.

I'll take care of everything.

That's right. You just get in your chair. And swing.

Knock things over.

- Grace. - Robert.

- How are you? - This isn't a good time.

Well, I-I know. I came to see if you were OK.

How did you kno... Of course.

He's with Frankie. Where else would he be?

- Is that all you have to say? Huh? - What else is there?

Unless you came here to gloat.

Don't be shitty with me.

I was actually worried about how you were doing.

How do you think I'm doing?

Well, you know what, I have a pretty good idea how you were doing.

You think one night of betrayal is bad? Try 20 years of, what,

- two to three betrayals a week... - I know! I get it, Grace.

I do not have the moral high ground.

Well, then why are you acting like you do?

Because he knew I could forgive almost anything but this, with her.

Oh, get over yourself.

Sol did a stupid emotional Sol thing.

And married me 24 hours after he did the stupid thing he did!

He wanted to tell you, but I wouldn't let him.

Not before you went into surgery.

- So you knew? - Yes. Everyone did.

Why... What does it matter now?

It doesn't anymore. It's over.

Thank you very much for coming. As you can see, I'm fine.

Oh, there you go. There's the Robert I know.

Closed down, shut off, just like every time we fought when we were married.

This isn't that. I'm right and he's wrong.

Oh, of course. You won the argument.

You always do. You're a great lawyer.

But every time you won with me, you just proved

you cared more about the argument than you did about me.

And I hated you for it.