Happily

Hello?

Are you OK in there?

Fuck yeah!

Hey, guys.

I really gotta pee

and there's two jackasses in the bathroom

- screwing around. - That'd be Tom and Janet.

Yeah, you're better off peeing off the balcony.

- Really? - They'll be a while.

- Just... great. - There's good.

So, they've done this before?

Yeah, every time they come here.

What?

I mean, who am I to judge a young, dating couple

and their hormones, right?

- They're not young. - Yeah, and they're not dating.

Are they newlyweds or something?

No, they've been together 14 years.

Fuck off! Are you serious?

You're trying to tell me that a couple that's been married

- for 14 years... - Arthur!

This is Tom and Janet.

Arthur, is it?

It is. Nice to meet you.

Oh, I'm Janet. I'm his wife.

- Cool. - We've been married 14 years.

- I'm sorry? - Oh, when you walked up

you were saying something about a couple

that's been married 14 years?

I don't... I don't think I was

actually, I was maybe misheard.

- Arthur and I work together. - Oh, really?

God, that must be so much fun.

Yeah. It's fun as shit.

Unfortunately, we have to go.

Thank you for the invite. It was a great party.

- Drive safe. - Bye, guys.

Yeah.

Safe drive for you.

They're pod people.

- They're going home for round 2. - What?

That was just the pre-fuck.

- Bullshit! - Nope.

It's gotta be an act. I don't buy it.

I guarantee you, those people are just

as miserable as everybody else.

I fucking love you.

I fucking love you, too.

Karen texted me.

They wanna get dinner tonight.

You OK with that?

Sure.

Hey, babe? Can you make me an omelette?

Sure.

Hi, baby.

You cleaned!

And you did all the laundry.

Just trying to make things easier for my girl.

Long day?

I expected that.

A massage for me?

I didn't treat you right this morning.

Oh, that's

I never should have asked you to make that omelette.

I could've made that omelette.

Oh, babe.

Now, how about you lie down on the bed

and I'll make you feel better?

Well, there's another way you could make me feel better.

And that is...?

Did you get any writing done today?

Oh, yeah.

I finished a chapter.

I'm so proud of you.

Man, I'm hungry.

Oh, me too.

What do you wanna do for dinner?

Dinner!

Hey, guys.

Sorry we're late.

We lost track of time and...

You know how it is.

Yeah. No, no, we don't.

I could eat the whole fucking menu.

Some bread?

Thank you. Dinner was great.

We need to talk about this weekend.

Oh, yeah. We are very excited.

Thank you for inviting us.

It's gonna be great to get out of town for a little bit.

What is this?

That is your deposit.

I don't understand.

It seems that's there's one less room than we thought, so...

Less rooms?

Yeah. We're just one couple over.

We're really sorry that we have to do this.

Oh, no! It's no problem at all.

We can... we'll sleep on a couch or anywhere, really.

- We're easy. - No, no, no, no.

You guys... Too much money...

Don't worry about the money. We're fine.

- OK, well, I think... - Everyone hates you.

What?

Nobody hates us!

Why would they hate us?

Cos you're a fucking nightmare.

You really don't get it, do you?

Tom, before they brought the food out

you slipped a napkin over to your wife.

Maybe.

Did you write something on it?

No.

Janet, you were texting during dinner, right?

I don't know, I...

I would have to check.

It was your husband, wasn't it?

I'm sor... What was the question?

We have tolerated this ridiculous behaviour

for so long

but we can't do it anymore.

Ridiculous behaviour?

Oh, come on. You never fight.

You're always so happy, always in love.

You can't keep your hands off each other

for five goddamn seconds, and it's just so weird.

We love each other.

I mean, isn't that what people who love each other do?

You're fucking Martians, OK?

Is this how the whole group feels?

- Yes. - 100%, yes.

One thousand per cent.

Two thousand per cent.

I can see that you guys are upset.

But if you're unhappy

or there's something wrong with your marriage

that's not on us.

I love my wife.

She loves me.

She's my best friend.

I enjoy her company.

And I'm never gonna apologise for that.

We are not the weird ones.

You just grabbed his dick, didn't you?

What? No.

I dropped... I dropped something.

I did.

Babe, we're not the weird ones.

- No. - OK? They're not happy.

That has nothing to do with us.

You're right. You're right.

- We're cool. - Yeah, totally.

This is the way marriage is supposed to be.

- Absolutely. - Yeah.

We're not... Martians.

I love you.

Nicely done.

And...

coffee.

My Martian.

Maybe we could go see a movie tonight

after I get home...

Hello.

Can I help you?

Yes, ma'am. I work for the city.

Is there a problem?

There's a matter I need to discuss with you

and your husband.

Well... Can we do this later?

I'm on my way to work.

We cannot.

But I promise it will only take a moment of your time.

Come on in.

So, you work for the city?

I do not.

- Oh, but you... - I did say that

but I don't.

It was the only way you'd let me through the front door.

We are prepared to take full responsibility

for our mishap.

- Mishap? - Yes.

I think we're gonna need some kind of an explanation here.

You see, every few years

we encounter someone with a...

defect.

But two people with a malfunction

that...

that is what we call a rarity.

The law of diminished returns

is a biological defense mechanism.

Perception and enjoyment taper off as time goes by.

This is by design.

It is a primary element of your survival.

- Design? - Survival?

Yes.

You two, both of you, are...

missing this mechanism.

Bullshit.

You have sex every day

2.5 times a day on average.