Baywatch

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'D LIKE YOU DO SOMETHING

FOR ME RIGHT NOW.

IMAGINE THE BEACH WITHOUT THE PIER.

WITHOUT THE HOT DOGS, SKEE BALL, AND MERRY-GO-ROUND.

MY FAMILY, LIKE THE REST OF THE MERCHANTS HERE,

HAVE BEEN WORKING ON THIS PIER SINCE IT OPENED IN 1939.

YOU'RE STANDING ON 50 YEARS OF HARD WORK AND FOND MEMORIES.

-NOT TO MENTION CORRODED PLANKS AND BATTERED PILINGS.

BUT IF WE DON'T RAISE ANOTHER $50,000 DOLLARS

BEFORE MIDNIGHT SUNDAY,

THOSE CONSTRUCTION WORKERS WILL ALL LAY DOWN THEIR HAMMERS--

-YOU DON'T THINK IT'S WORTH SAVING?

-I DON'T CARE ONE WAY OR THE OTHER.

I GET PAID NO MATTER WHAT, BUT I'D RATHER IT GOES

'CAUSE OF MY WRECKING BALL,

AND NOT SOME WHACKO STUNT WITH AN ARMORED CAR.

I TAKE IT YOU'RE NOT A FAN.

-I WOULDN'T PARK A 20,000-POUND ARMORED CAR HERE.

-WE'VE RAISED 100,000 DOLLARS SO FAR,

WHICH YOU CAN SEE ALL WEEKEND IN THE ARMORED CAR.

-I GOT ONE OF MY GUYS UNDER THE PIER.

HE'S CHECKING THINGS OUT RIGHT NOW.

-INCLUDING THE FIVE BUCKS YOU PAY

TO HAVE YOUR PICTURE TAKEN WITH THE MONEY.

SO REACH DEEP IN YOUR POCKETS AND HELP OUT AN OLD FRIEND,

THE BEACHFRONT PIER.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU. APPRECIATE IT.

-THIS IS GOING TO BE A TERRIFIC PICTURE.

I LOOK GREAT SURROUNDED BY MONEY.

DON'T WE ALL?

-I DON'T GET IT, MITCH. PEOPLE HAVE BEEN LINING UP ALL DAY.

EVERYONE LOVES THE PIER.

BESIDES, HOW OFTEN DO YOU GET THIS CLOSE TO A HUNDRED GRAND?

I'M LUCKY TO GET NEXT TO TWO TENS.

THERE'S YOUR ANSWER. BESIDES, IT HELPS THE PIER.

-YEAH, IT DOES HELP. YES, IT HELPS THE PIER.

YEAH.

THAT'S MY SON.

LUCKY BOY.

IT'S THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME,

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

YEAH, DAD, I LOOK GREAT.

I HAVE TO ADD THIS TO MY COLLECTION.

COLLECTION?

-OH, YEAH, HE'S GOT PICTURES WITH EVERYBODY.

PRESIDENT REAGAN, JIMMY AND TAMMY BAKER.

DALAI LAMA, ALF.

HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

-I GOT A MAN DOWN THERE. YOU GOT A BETTER IDEA?

JUST TAKE IT EASY.

-BAYWATCH, THIS IS GARNER. BEACHFRONT PIER.

WE GOT A WORKER IN THE WATER. REQUESTING LIFEGUARD BACKUP.

VOLLEYBALL. SEE YOU, BEACH.

MIXED, DOUBLES.

I KNOW YOU WERE A PRO ONCE.

SURE, YOU'RE A LITTLE OUT OF PRACTICE NOW,

BUT I CAN CARRY US.

10,000 BUCKS FOR THE WINNERS.

-I'M RETIRED. I ONLY PLAY FOR FUN.

-HEY, WHAT COULD BE MORE FUN THAN WINNING MONEY?

NO.

OKAY.

WHAT COULD BE MORE FUN THAN TRASHING YOUR OLD PARTNER?

CHRIS BARRON IS FAVORED TO WIN.

BUT THEY HAVEN'T SEEN US YET, HAVE THEY?

-YEAH, YEAH, I'M COMING, I'M COMING.

I WOKE YOU UP, DIDN'T I?

-OH, IT'S OKAY, I GOTTA GET UP IN THREE HOURS ANYWAY.

GREAT, LET'S GO FOR A RUN.

-JILL, IT'S FOUR O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING.

I KNOW. WE GOT TIME TO MAKE IT

TO TOPANGA AND BACK BEFORE MORNING WORKOUT.

I SAW THE POSTERS.

CHRIS IS BACK.

HE'S SUCH A--

I'LL GET THE COFFEE STARTED.

- VERMIN.

WE WERE A TEAM.

YOU SURE WERE.

HOTTEST VOLLEYBALL DOUBLES ON THE CIRCUIT.

-HE HAD AN AFFAIR, MITCH. DID I TELL YOU ABOUT THAT?

OH, YES.

SUCH A WORM.

I WONDER IF HE HAS THE GUTS TO FACE ME NOW

AFTER ALL THIS TIME.

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

YOU GOT THE GUTS TO FACE HIM?

-I'VE BEEN REHEARSING THE MOMENT JUST IN CASE.

WANT TO SEE IT?

SURE.

PRETEND LIKE YOU'RE CHRIS.

OKAY. HI.

OW! THAT'S PERFECT.

THAT'S RIGHT TO THE POINT.

MAYBE THE COFFEE'S READY NOW.

I'M SORRY, MITCH, I GOTTA GO.

I'VE GOT A LOT OF TENSION I GOTTA WORK OFF.

OH, OKAY.

THANKS FOR THE VISIT.

ANYTIME.

BYE.

YOU HAVEN'T CHANGED.

LET ME GUESS YOUR NEXT LINE.

"YOU'RE STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AS EVER."

-LOOK, JILL, I DIDN'T COME HERE TO RUIN YOUR DAY.

IT'S JUST THAT I HAVEN'T BEEN BACK HERE SINCE WE SPLIT UP.

AND NOW THAT I'M HERE,

ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS US.

THERE WERE GOOD TIMES, JILL.

LOTS OF THEM.

YOU REALLY HURT ME.

-YEAH, WELL, THERE WAS PLENTY OF HURT TO GO AROUND.

-YEAH, WELL, I GUESS I WASN'T PERFECT, EITHER.

YOU WERE CLOSE ENOUGH FOR ME.

I'VE MISSED YOU.

I KNEW YOU'D COME BACK SOMEDAY.

WITH THOSE BROWN EYES, THOSE SMOOTH LINES,

AND A BUNCH OF "I'M-SORRY"S AND "LET ME MAKE IT UP"S.

MAYBE NEXT WEEKEND.

-IT'S A TIME-SHARE. SOMEBODY ELSE IS IN THERE NEXT WEEKEND.

SINCE WHEN HAVE YOU HAD A CROWDED SOCIAL SCHEDULE?

I'M GOING TO CATALINA.

OH.

WELL, I CAN LIVE WITH CATALINA.

DO A LITTLE SNORKELING--

UH, SHAUNI.

SORRY, IT'S GUYS ONLY. YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.

YOU'RE JOKING.

SO IT'S MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU TO SPEND A WEEKEND WITH THE GUYS

THAN A ROMANTIC WEEKEND WITH ME.

I NEVER SAID IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT.

BUT YOU DON'T WANNA BE WITH ME.

YOU DON'T?

BUTT OUT.

SHAUNI, LOOK, THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO

WITH MY NOT WANTING TO BE WITH YOU.

-THEN WHAT DOES IT HAVE TO DO WITH?

IT HAS TO DO WITH GUYS.

SOMETIMES GUYS JUST GOTTA BE GUYS.

IT'S A TRIBAL THING.

DOES THE PHRASE "INSENSITIVE SLUG" MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?

HEY.

SHAUNI, I'M FREE.

-SHUT UP. LISTEN, SHAUNI, LISTEN.

YOU MAKE TOO BIG A DEAL OUT OF THIS, REALLY.

IT'S A SIMPLE WEEKEND. A LITTLE MALE BONDING.

DRINK A LITTLE BEER, TALK ABOUT IMPORTANT ISSUES,

LIKE HOOP SHOTS AND THREE POINT PLAYS.

SURE BEATS SPENDING TIME WITH ME, HUH?

-COME ON, SHAUNI, WE'RE NOT TALKING A MONTH.

WE'RE TALKING A WEEKEND. TWO SHORT DAYS, 26 MILES AWAY.

COME ON, WE'LL HAVE PLENTY OF WEEKENDS TOGETHER,

JUST NOT THIS ONE, ALL RIGHT?

IT'S NICE TO KNOW WHERE I STAND

ON YOUR LIST OF PRIORITIES.

RIGHT SMACK AT THE BOTTOM.

SHAUNI, COME--

HEY, MY TOWEL.

SHAUNI, COME ON.

HEY.

-FINALLY LEARNED HOW TO HANDLE WOMEN, HUH?

THIS IS A WORTHY CAUSE.

JUST FIVE DOLLARS. HELP SAVE THE PIER.

COME GET YOUR PICTURES.

HAVE YOUR PICTURE TAKEN WITH ALL THAT MONEY.