Raising Hope

Is that olive loaf? I want olive loaf.

It's not officially olive loaf,

but I smooshed together some olives and some meat.

You'll like it.

Hope's getting new baby clothes.

That guy who sells socks out of his trunk

in the drug store parking lot has fabric now.

Virginia, would you give her her pill today?

No. It's an even-numbered day. It's your turn.

Just shove it in her mouth.

She bites me.

I still have my mark from two days ago.

Figure it out.

Why do you have to make this so difficult?

Don't have a lot of other things going on.

Check it out.

"Yo, my parents named me Frank, 'cause they love

to shake me."

Let me do the lady.

"I'll take a quarter pound of the chicken salad."

But that's what she would probably say.

I know. That's why I said it.

Yeah...

You don't get what we're doing, do you?

Could an available sales associate

bring a nose hair clipper to the manager's office

for a price check?

I repeat... could an available sales associate...

Oh, good, you heard me.

What's with the funny voice?

It's Jimmy Stewart.

I had to disguise my voice because my ex-wife is in the store.

- What's she doing here? - I don't know.

Last time I saw her she was living in Phoenix with her new husband.

But between them closing the blinds

and me having to stay 100 yards away from her,

it wasn't worth flying there anymore.

Wait, is that Barney Jr.?

No, that's Trevor.

He's her son with Doug.

The man she left the man she left me for.

Any strays?

Let me take a shot. But I'm going to leave a couple.

You don't want her to think you care too much.

I need to look my best.

Gloria hasn't seen me since my gastric bypass.

I was skinny when we got married, but then I put on 200 pounds.

Got 'em.

Aw, Jimmy!

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Hey, release! Release!

Release.

That's puzzling.

Thursday's bite had more marks.

Did you lose a tooth?

Yeah. Last night.

I got into a bit of a tussle with a piece of Taffy

and I swallowed my back right molar.

- The gold one? - Yep.

So, uh, what are you going to do about that?

About what?

The tooth.

It's got to be worth a few hundred dollars.

You gonna, uh, go after it?

Oh, God, you're disgusting.

You want me to go through my poo?

It's worth hundreds of dollars.

Yeah, well, I'm 85 years old.

I'm not going to go through my poo to find a stupid tooth.

It's gone.

Mind if I go through it?

Yeah, I mind.

Stay the hell out of my poo.

It might not even be the gold one. Let me look again.

Oh!

We do have fun, don't we, Burt?

"Barney, you look great.

And I'm so glad to see you got rid of that second head."

"I'm Barney saying something funny."

"Look at me, I'm shaking hands with a boy.

"I sure am.

Shaking hands with a boy?"

Sabrina, can you take Trevor to the break room

to get him an official work shirt?

This young buck's joining the Howdy's team.

Well, welcome to Howdy's.

And just remember, if you're honest and you work hard,

you'll be mocked and ridiculed by all the other employees.

Gloria's divorced and thinking about moving back to town.

She wants to spend a little time together.

I need you guys to keep Trevor occupied.

I'm just worried he might be a little bit of a hmm-hmm blocker.

Hey, check us out.

I bought way too much fabric. We're twins.

Adorable.

Question... if Maw Maw swallowed a gold tooth

worth a couple hundred bucks and doesn't retrieve it,

potentially that makes it

a finders-keepers situation, right?

Oh, my God.

You're disgusting.

- Why? - We are not those people.

What people?

Poo going through people.

People so desperate they go through poo for a couple hundred dollars.

It's disgusting.

Well, so are all those rich jerk clients you talk about.

Always flushing money down the drain.

We would literally be flushing money down the drain.

Burt, I will steal coins from a fountain,

I'll even do clinical drug trials again,

as long as I'm not the placebo... I don't like feeling tricked,

but there is no amount of gold

that's worth rummaging through that lady's butt custard.

Oh, check it out.

"I like to stick my nose

in this chicken's butt 'cause it really relaxes me."

"I have to be careful. I can't sniff too hard

"or I'll suck this chicken right in my gigantic nose.

"I did that once with a cornish game hen.

I think it's still up there."

You're pretty good at this. What are you, like, 32, 33...?

- 34. - 34.

Hey, what's so funny?

Oh, we're just doing that thing that you stink at

where we make up what people are saying.

He made a pretty good joke about your big nose.

My nose is normal sized.

I'm sorry, what? I couldn't hear you over your nose.

Ooh.

Yeah, that... that joke's a stinker

even I could smell with my normal size nose.

Lean to the left, then lean to the right.

Oh, hey, Jimmy.

Trevor's teaching me how to Dougie.

You should try it. It's pretty easy.

But don't lean too far to the side,

'cause your nose might tip you over.

You know, like a construction crane.

Construction crane. You're hilarious.

He is, right? This nose stuff is good.

That young man has tapped into

a very rich area for comedy.

Hey, listen, we need to chat for a minute, just bro to bro.

I-I think you're funny, but I need you to back off

a smidge with the nose insults, okay?

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you were sensitive about it.

You've got a big nose, I've got big ears. It's no big deal.

Where I grew up, guys make fun of each other about that kind of stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. Yeah, of course.

It's only a thing because you're doing it in front of Sabrina.

And I, you know, I kind of like her.

Oh.

Mm-hmm, yeah. So...

Well, we have a bigger problem then.

- I kind of like her, too. - You're 13.

So? You have a big nose. We all have our faults.

I guess we'll just have to see which one she's willing to overlook.

Plus, I'm funny, and I can do the Dougie.

What up now, son? Whoo-whoo.

Whoa, somebody's been to the beauty saloon.

Gloria thought it made me look like Matthew McConaughey.

All right, all right, all right.

It's not as good as your Jimmy Stewart,

- but you keep working at it. - Yeah, well, I got to get going.

Gloria doesn't like me to dillydally,

when I'm supposed to be dallying her dilly.

If you know what I mean.

I think I do, but I wish I didn't.

Hey look, Jimmy's nose is here.

The rest of him should be coming along any minute.

Well, at least I don't have big ears, Dumbo.

You going to fly away with those big ears, big ears?

Plus, my parents aren't divorced.

What up now, son? Whoo-whoo.

My God, Jimmy?! Jimmy, he's just a kid.

No, it's fine.

A lot of people tease me about my big ears

and my parents' divorce.

I just... need to get stronger.

Hey, hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay.

What are you doing?

Just making sure the tooth's still in there.

What?

I started thinking about the hot tub.

How we found it 20 years ago,

and we've never had the money to buy a pump for it.

Every time we had any cash,

some expense would come up and we couldn't buy a luxury item.

Anyway, I was thinking, if we got that tooth and sold it,

we could finally fix the hot tub.

And then we could sit out here under the stars,

you and me together.

Just like we always dreamed of.

So you changed your mind.

Well, when I think of it as money, it feels wrong.

But if Maw Maw swallowed nights under the stars

that I could enjoy with you

I would go through her yucky-yuck to get it.

You would?