Dying of Laughter (Muertos de risa)

DYING OF LAUGHTER

Wait a minute! Hey! Where are you going?

Hey! I need your I.D.!

They're heading for make-up.

They're here. My God.

-Who's here? -Who? Are you stupid? Them.

-Them? ReaIIy? -Of course, you fooI.

The genuine, the authentic, the two and onIy...

Nino and Bruno. They're in make-up.

What do we do?

-Nothing. What's wrong? -What's wrong?

The poIice are after them!

ReIax. I'II taIk to them.

No, not now. Come on, get out.

Who the fuck are these peopIe?

Good. Here we are. Together again.

The Iegendary Nino and Bruno, ready to hit the stage.

You're here to do the show, right?

ReIax, Ricky. Give us a second.

What about his hair?

Fuck it! We've got other probIems!

Let's go! Maria! Merche! Get out!

My boys, my boys.

I've dreamed of this for a Iong time.

After aII that has happened. Together again.

I'm reaIIy getting emotionaI.

Look. I have goosepimpIes.

Okay. Enough buIIshit.

We're going out that door

to put on the best New Year's show ever.

We'II kiII them with Iaughter.

-You ready? -When you are.

No, not now. No photos. CIear the way.

Come on.

Get ready. Let's go.

No, not now. After, after.

I have nothing to do with this. I was forced.

Open the door.

I can't. You see that red Iight? They're recording.

This is destruction of justice.

-Obstruction. -Don't correct me in pubIic!

Now we're accompIices. Open the door.

Fuck that. They can arrest them in haIf an hour.

Besides, where's their search warrant?

-That was a shot, man. -Everything's under controI.

It must be part of the show.

You see? It's a comedy program.

This show hasn't got any shooting.

You're right. Open the damn door.

What's going on in there?

They're fantastic. Everyone's Iaughing.

You fat shit.

I'd rather be fat than have bad breath.

It's not my breath, it's your feet.

You can't trust someone who never washes his feet.

CaII an ambuIance!

Oh shit!

PIease, everyone remain caIm. Stay in your seats.

It's aII right. It's aII part of the show.

WeII, this is the end.

I hate peopIe who say ''I toId you so'',

but I knew it wouId come to this.

I couId have even prevented it. Christ.

It was aII my idea. Even the names, Nino and Bruno.

They'd met before. At Ieast they say they had.

It aII began in a disco in a smaII town,

around 1972.

Nino was a singer.

One of those who copied popuIar songs.

But his weakness was Nino Bravo.

Free...

Iike the rising sun, I'm free...

Iike the sea.

Free...

Iike the bird that escapes from it's cage

and can finaIIy fIy.

Free...

Iike the winds that gather my sadness and grief,

I'II foIIow the truth and I'II finaIIy find freedom.

I'II show you freedom, you son of a bitch.

Free, Iike the rising sun, I'm free,

Iike the sea.

Free...

Iike the bird that escapes...

I'd never forget I owed you money.

Hey, watch your mouth.

I aIready fucking toId you I'd pay you back!

How much was it again? That much?

No, no. Whatever you say.

I'm no good with money.

Hey, you!

What's up, asshoIe?

No, nothing. I'II heIp you

take those to the tabIe.

Anything you want.

Go kiII somebody!

Thank you, thank you. And now...

for another masterpiece

by the great Nino Bravo.

For aII of you... NoeIia.

There's a girI who's the same

but different from the rest.

ReIax, man. Let me finish.

I toId you I had the money.

It's aImost as if I had it...

My friend's got it.

Yeah, I'm positive.

He gets paid today.

Yeah, tomorrow at 12. I'II be there.

...and I onIy know her name is NoeIia.

I've Iived for her for a Iong time,

and I onIy know her name is NoeIia.

-How's it going? -Weathering the storm.

We're out of Pacharan.

Give them whatever you've got and keep smiIing.

I don't want any troubIe.

It seems Iike

she's going to caII me,

then she runs away

without speaking.

I've dreamed of her

for a Iong time,

and I onIy know her name is

NoeIia.

I've Iived for her for a Iong time,

and I onIy know her name is

NoeIia.

NoeIia, NoeIia, NoeIia.

NoeIia, NoeIia...

He's kiIIed my girIfriend!

You kiIIed our company mascot.

-I can't fucking beIieve it. -You ruined our manoeuvers.

Bastardo, asesino!

I didn't touch it. I Iove animaIs.

Don't be smart, asshoIe.

Easy, now. Are you sure it's dead?

Maybe you shouId give it

mouth to mouth, you fuckhead.

What have you done?

It wasn't me. Maybe it had a heart attack.

ReIax, boys. Don't get excited. It was an accident.

Have a drink and caIm down. On the house.

What do you say?

Merry Christmas!

I'm going this way.

Don't worry, the insurance wiII cover it.

-What insurance? -That's true.

Come on, cheer up. It's no big deaI.

They onIy made you dance Iike that goat.

Though making you eat those fIowers...

EspeciaIIy the pIastic ones.

Shit, you didn't say how far away you Iived.

-Seven more kiIometers! -But it's downhiII.

I don't even know your name.

Joaquin MoIina. But they caII me Nino.

Yeah right, after Nino Bravo. I'm Jose Luis.

After your father?

No, I'm an orphan.

-Sorry. -It's aII right.

I bareIy remember. You said you Iive with your mother.

Not exactIy.

-Psycho! -That's Visir.

It's Iike Iiving aIone. Visir hates me.

So does my mother.

What's this?

Nothing... they're from my mom's Iingerie shop...

Leftovers from Iast season.

They don't fit beIow.

ReIax. You don't have to expIain.

Each to his own.

Listen, Jose Luis. I think we have to Ieave.

Why? We just got here.

My mother doesn't Iike strangers.

She'II try to take my socks off.

-It's not the first time. -Your socks?

My Iucky socks.

They're my good Iuck charm. Since I started singing.

-Which was...? -Two years and 9 months ago.

She hasn't spoken to me since.

You haven't taken those off in three years?

Never. Like the cross around my neck. They bring me Iuck.

Got you far, haven't they?

It sounds ridicuIous. But if I washed them,

they'd Iose their esoteric powers.

I have a pIan, so teII me what you think.

Tomorrow we're going to Madrid.

Madrid? Why?

To get you out of here, that's why. You can't stay here.

Besides, the cIub is going to be cIosed a whiIe.

But what wiII we do there?

You're a singer, right?

Yeah, but...

I have a friend from San IIdefonso SchooI...

That's where they sing...

The Iottery numbers. I did it twice... So this guy

did a casting for a TV show.

A ''castis''?

''Casting''. It's EngIish.

My EngIish is pretty basic.

HeIIo, good morning, arrivederci...