I Married a Witch

If

And may this be the fate...

Of all the witches, war/oaks, and sorcerers...

Who attempt to work their evil magic...

Within the township limits of roxford.

The book of exorcism, please.

Mayest thou and thy kind...

Be condemned forever to eternal flames...

Never to return to the neighborhood of roxford.

And now, while we prepare for the extinction...

Of the father of this witch...

The old sorcerer who attempted to come to her aid...

There will be a short intermission.

- - Popped maize.

Get yourfresh Indian popped maize, tuppence a poke.

It's buttered, it's hot, it's fresh.

An anti-witch charm in every poke. Tuppence, please.

Popped maize. Here we are. It's buttered, it's fresh.

Popped maize, master wooley'?

What has got into thee, Jonathan?

- What? - Dost doubt she was a witch?

I should never have accused her if I were not sure.

And her father.

Unquestionably a sorcerer.

Mother, if thou hadst seen what I saw.

We both saw our cows turn pink, then blue...

And our sheep dancing a minuet.

- But thou didst not see Jennifer. - Jennifer?

She told me her name when she chased me into the hayloft.

She was young and beautifully fair...

Fairer than all women that ever were.

How didst not tell that to the judges?

Because I could never describe her beauty.

What happened in the hayloft, Jonathan?

She brought her golden tresses...

Close to my face and whispered...

“Jonathan wooley, thou hast denounced me as a witch.

For that thou shalt be accursed.

Thou and thy children and thy children's children...

All will be under the same curse.”

What was the curse?

I and all my descendants...

Will be unhappy in love.

The marriages we make will be disastrous until...

Yes?

- 'Tis too wicked to tell thee, mother. - Rubbish!

Thou art in love with purity Sykes and even betrothed to her.

- Aye, mother. - And purity is a woman among thousands.

Aye, mother, she is that.

Jonathan, wouldst leave thy future wife sit there all alone?

- What ails him, mistress wooley? - Ah, purity.

You will find he is a dreamer.

He needs only a firm hand.

Jonathan, I must ask thee to be more attentive.

In the future — - look!

The oak tree. 'Twill be planted over their ashes.

- Why? - To hold the evil spirits...

Shh! — prisoner in its roots...

Thus keeping their wicked powers from surviving.

I hope.

And this is the tree which was planted over their ashes.

The witches' spirits, of course...

Are imprisoned in its roots.

Imprisoned forever.

Martha...

I have the honor to...

_ to _ - are you proposing to me?

Yes, Martha.

Oh, Nathaniel!

What was that?

Fort sumter fired upon!

War declared between the states!

Nancy — Nancy, control yourself. Control yourself.

Drop your hand. I wish to throw this vase!

Master wooley, did you hear? War!

Where is the nearest recruitin' office?

Running off to war like a coward!

- -

If

I'm not talking about the whole house at the moment. It's that living room!

- -

Estelle! Now — now, listen to me!

Estelle!

Estelle. Estelle, please.

- What? - Miss Masterson?

Please. Hold it.

One more.

Papa, I'm leaving.

Smile.

Will you try to be more pleasant? At least until after the wedding.

Fellow members of the roxford count/y club...

Dr. White's proposing another toast.

I realize that lo vebirds...

Would like to be out on the veranda whispering sweet nothings.

After a certain ceremony tomorrow...

They will have all the rest of their lives for billing and cooing.

- Mostly billing. -

But if the voters have any sense at all, they will insist...

That the first four years of the honeymoon be spent in the governor's mansion!

Go ahead. You might pick up a few more votes.

- We want woo/ey/ - We want woo/ey/

We want wooley! We want wooley!

I see getting married...

As well as trying to get elected, calls for speeches.

I can truly say...

That a new life is beginning for me.

Ladies and gentlemen, it's just a storm.

Ladies and gentlemen...

While at the moment, the future seems a little dark...

- - You see?

One never knows what the next moment will bring.

- -

Where am I? What's happened?

A miracle! An infernal miracle!

We're free again. Free at last!

- Who speaketh? - 'Tis I, thy father, Daniel.

But thou hast no substance.

Nor hast thou, Jennifer. We are smoke — witches' smoke.

But our evil spirits have survived.

'Twill be sweet to plague the human race again.

First we'll visit the cornfield and ruin the crop.

'Tis always a good way to limber up.

Look, father. The cornfield is no longer there.

Well, we must expect a few changes...

In 270 years.

Were our spirits in the wood that long?

Aye. I counted the tree rings.

See? They've built a new house.

It seems all ablaze. Is it on fire?

Not yet!

What's knittin', kitten? You like to cut a rug?

Let's ditch these ickies. How about goin' to heaven in yourjalopy?

That's solid, Jackson. Now you're cookin' on the front burner.

What language is that, father?

I don't know, but we'll learn it.

If

See how they dance today.

They stand so close.

Well, well, well. Things have changed.

I never thought I'd see clothes like that in new england.

These cannot be the descendants...

Of the puritans we knew.

There's something that hasn't changed...

In 270 years.

Keep thy mind on our business!

'Twould be nice to have lips...

Lips to whisper lies...

Lips to kiss a man and make him suffer.

Father, why cannot I have lips and eyes and hair?

- - Careful. Someone's coming.

Quick! Do as I do!

These bottles — We'll hide in them.

Quick! Quick, quick, quick, quick, quick!

Whee!

Are you all right, Jennifer?

'Tis full of bubbles in here. They tickle!

My bottle has the tang of maple rum!

Look, father!

Come closer, man, so I can see thee better.

Riddle-Dee-Dee, riddle-Dee-Doe...

Get thee hence and stub thy toe.

There was something familiar about that face.

Could we follow him?

- What'll it be, Mr. Wooley? - The same — bourbon.

Yes, sir, Mr. Wooley.

Wooley! I knew I recognized those features.

Well, well, well.

A descendant of the man who had us burned.

No wonder he looks so unhappy.

I put a curse upon his family.

Well, I thought lovebirds always flew around in pairs.

Estelle's talking politics.

- What's the matter? Election jitters? - No.

How can I lose, with Masterson and all his papers in back of me?

My future father-in-law has never backed a loser.

If he spoils his record this time, I'll have to hock my stethoscope.

You're betting on a sure thing, Dudley. He isn't missing a trick. Look at that.

Posters at a private party.

The whole marriage is just another campaign stunt to him...

Insisting we hold it the day before the election...

So I'll get a good publicity break on election day.

Wallace, I think you've had enough to drink.

- Now, estelle — - I'd like to go home.

Yes, dear. Can we drop you, Dudley?

Yes, thanks.

The curse is working.

She has the look of a shrew!

Here, Tom.

Jennifer, what's that curse thou wast chattering about?

Each wooley must marry the wrong woman.

Ha! What a curse!

Eve/y man who marries...

Marries the wrong woman.

True suffering cometh...

When a man is in love with the woman he cannot marry.

Father, suppose a man were in love with a witch.

With me. I would not marry him.

Ha! Ooh, pardon me.

I need air.

J“ for tonight I'll merry, merry be j“