Baby Daddy

Morning, Tuck.

Hey, did you hear that weird high-pitched shriek last night?

Kind of like a... a cat dying?

Where's my cuddle bear?

Oh, there you are!

That's the one.

Oh. Ben, hi.

I don't suppose you'd believe

I was just down here borrowing a cup of sugar?

Even though I kind of was.

Just so you know,

I'm not normally the kind of girl

that does this sort of thing, but ever since my divorce,

I've just been trying to get out there more.

But ironically, out there is really just the fourth floor.

I'm so lucky to have my Tuckle-bear.

I would be totally lost without him.

Dude, how do you put up with her voice?

Oh.

I'm sorry, did you say something?

Asked and answered.

So, are you and Sondra dating again?

Dating? Please.

She knocks on the pipes whenever her ex has the kid

and comes down to be Tucked into bed.

Okay. Good to know.

Is it? No. No, not at all.

Hello?

Yeah, this is Ben.

What?

Uh, yeah.

Let me see if I can find her. Thanks.

Dude, something's wrong with Riley.

She didn't show up to work today. Here.

Apparently, I'm still her emergency contact.

Hey, well, if she's not dead, we need milk.

But actually, we need it either way!

Riley? Are you here?

Whoa! Oh!

Oh, good, you're okay.

Baby Daddy - 05x06 - Never Ben Jealous

I just don't understand why you're her emergency contact.

And I just don't understand why you don't understand

how an alarm clock works!

Oh, my God, I am so late.

Dude, it's just an emergency contact.

Calm down. It's not like my name is tattooed on her ass.

Although it could have been.

We were in a relationship.

Relationship?

That's kind of a stretch, isn't it?

Uh, no. We dated.

So?

She dated a lot of people.

This, this is a relationship.

Oh, so what you're saying is that what I had with Riley doesn't count?

Yeah, kinda.

Oh, I see what this is.

Yeah, you're just jealous of what we had.

Oh, so I'm jealous of nothing? Got it.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'd like to say goodbye to my girlfriend.

She's probably just in a rush to change her emergency contact.

"All I can say

is Realtor Bonnie Wheeler found me my dream home."

There you go, Emma.

Your very first online review.

If this doesn't drum up more listings,

Grandma's gonna need you to tap dance in a bear suit

while I hand out fliers in Times Square.

Hey, Danny, oh, my gosh.

I have some amazing news.

Okay, get this.

Out of all of the associates, I was asked to give

the retirement speech for Bernard Bender,

one of the firm's founding partners!

- That's cool! - Bigger.

- That's amazing! - Bigger.

I am so proud of you!

Are you talking about

the legendary real estate attorney, Bernard Bender?

The King of Condos?

The Crown of Downtown?

The Lord of Slumlords?

Where are you going with this?

Oh, my God, if I could get him as a client...

And we're there. No.

No, no, no, no.

Mrs. Wheeler, please.

He is a sweet,

darling, old man who occasionally mistakes me

for his daughter... Put those away!

- Okay, fine! - All right?

No.

You have to promise me that you will stay away from him.

What?

I just want to meet him...

shake his wallet... hand!

I mean hand! Totally his hand.

Okay, fine.

I promise to stay away from him.

- Good. Thank you. - Yeah.

All right, I am gonna go work on my speech.

I will... I'll see you later, Danny?

Bye!

What?

I'm just trying to figure out the loophole.

See, you promised to stay away from him,

but you didn't promise that he'd stay away from you!

Oh, my God, you are my son.

Come here. I'm sorry.

Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben, Ben!

We've got a problem.

Is it that my best friend likes

to walk around town carrying a stuffed bear?

Because I accept you anyway.

Though I'd rather you get rid of the bear.

No. And this was a gift...

from Sondra.

Happy one month anniversary, Tuckle-bear!

Dude, she thinks we're dating!

Why would she want to ruin a good thing

with actual feelings?

What am I supposed to do now?

Here's a thought.

Next time she bangs on the pipes, don't bang back.

Well, what about my pipes?

Hey, Tuck...

you think Riley and I had something, right?

Really?

We can't have one conversation about me?

It's like Danny wants to pretend that what I had

with Riley didn't even exist.

Well, I guess I understand that.

It's kind of like when I gave my cousin my bike,

and he wouldn't even let me ride it once in a while.

I just know that if the roles were reversed,

I would have the decency to be jealous of him.

They are, and you are.

No, I am not! But he will be!

Hey, guys! How's it goin'?

Riles, I just got a text from Abbey and Steve.

Oh!

Yeah, they were just saying how much they miss us

at Couples-Only Game Night,

which you only get to go to if you're a couple.

Well, we should have them over!

I love games!

Oh, my God, how much fun would that be?

Ben you have their number, right?

It's in my phone.

Oh, my God.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

And that's why I have dual citizenship in Guam!

So...

Mrs. Wheeler.

Mr. Bender, hi.

What an odd, why-am-I-not-surprised surprise.

What are you doing here?

Oh, it's a funny story.

Do you wanna tell it?

- Eh. - Okay, yeah, I'll tell it.

So I came by to meet you for lunch...

We weren't having lunch.

I know. I forgot to invite you.

And on my way out,

Bendy here practically ran me over,

and somehow, I ended up in his lap.

Well, you know, one thing led to another,

and he insisted on taking me out to lunch,

so, well, here we are.

So you kidnapped him.

Isn't she hilarious?

She's hilarious!

Ha!

Oh, my God, I love your laugh.

It's done.

Sondra will not be bothering us anymore.

If you need help burying the body, count me out.

I hurt my back yesterday.

No, man. I told her the truth.

That I wasn't interested

in anything more than a physical relationship.

Tucker, women don't want to hear the truth.

Well, I mean, I guess they probably do,

but it's just safer not to.

Dude, but she just kept going on and on about how

we're so right for each other and how she feels so betrayed.

I mean, at least that's what I think she said.

I had my earplugs in.

God, some people just don't know how to move on.

Oh!

That's what I should do!

And we're back to you.

I'm gonna show Danny

that Riley hasn't completely moved on!

But she has.

- Well, you don't know that. - But I do.

You know what?

I'm gonna find some old photos of us together,