Two Weeks

Testing, testing. One, two. One, two.

Okay, that's good. Ready, Mom?

Okay, how do you want me to sit?

Any way you want. I'm just glad you're finally doing this.

All right. Go ahead. Start.

Great. So, why...

You're just gonna ask me questions, right?

Hence the "why." All right.

I guess I better be careful answering

if this is gonna be how you remember me.

Mr. Bergman?

Mr. Bergman?

Your coffee.

Oh, right.

Thanks.

Is it okay?

Mmm.

You'd hardly know it was instant.

Hey. Hey.

When are the boys coming?

Uh, Barry's flying the redeye tonight,

and Matthew's driving, so I guess two days.

And, uh, he's not alone.

Welcome to Wilmington International Airport.

Oh, great.

For your security, do not leave...

How's she doing?

Sick. In pain. She nods off a lot.

You better start reading. Mmm.

There's an instruction manual?

You're gonna wanna read it.

Well, just too bad nobody ever comes back

and tells these guys if they got it right.

That's me.

Holy shit!

Well, if we study the literature,

maybe we can grow from this experience.

Absolutely. Yeah. I own the whole Good Tragedy series.

Enjoy your Parasitic Infection,

Making the Most of Incest, that was a good one.

I especially enjoyed Congratulations! Your Child's an Addict.

Will you just read it? Oh, give me a break, Em.

This whole thing sucks. Yeah, it does.

And I've been down here with Mom and Jim

all by myself all week watching it happen.

And I don't have anyone else to talk to,

and so I went to a bookstore.

Sorry.

Yeah, I know you've been working really hard, okay?

And I will read the book.

Okay.

They must have been happy to see you.

Yeah, they are.

I mean, there's only the two of them,

and they really need the help.

No, I meant the bookstore.

Fuck you, Keith.

This is News 6 at 11:00.

Southeastern North Carolina's most watched 11:00 newscast.

Another missing persons case tonight with a Blaine County connection.

Mom? Keith's here.

Hi, Mom. Hi, honey.

Glad you could come.

I had to get a few things settled.

Take care of a little business, remember?

Yes, I remember.

You're my oldest son,

the one who called me every day this week.

Yeah, I was just... I'm dying, not senile.

Yes, Mother. Don't "Yes, Mother" me.

Hand me the clicker.

Thanks.

All right.

Go get settled.

Why did you fire your first oncologist?

You wanna know that for posterity?

I'm a trained film professional.

I'll ask the questions, you answer them, okay?

Well, when I asked him how I was gonna die,

he said my intestines would clog up

and I'd puke myself to death.

Which turns out to be true.

But I figured, for $275 a visit,

I deserved a little better bedside manner than that.

I'll be out for the 9:30 conference call this morning,

but I'll be available on my cell.

Leave the "B" calls on voicemail.

Tell Swisher I need her Cisco report by 3:30,

that's 3:30 p.m. my time, by email,

and I'll call you if I think of anything else.

I'll be back as soon as I can. Later.

You forgot to tell them how to wipe their asses.

So, is it front to back or back to front?

Either way is fine. I like employees to have a little autonomy.

Do Mom and Jim have DSL?

No. No.

Well, listen, I'll stay as long as I can, but I'm really busy.

What time is it?

On the West Coast, it's 5:45 a.m. Up and at 'em, tiger.

Thanks for waking me.

Mmm-hmm.

You see Mom? Not yet.

In that case, thanks for waking me first.

I'll see her.

I'll see her. I'm just waiting,

you know, to see if she feels up to it.

If who feels up to it?

Keith, come on, you know I hate all that stuff.

That's what being here is all about,

blood, IVs, puking.

Yeah.

Listen, they're playing your song.

A little help here!

Let's walk to the bathroom.

I'm so sorry. Here. Shh. No, stop it.

Hi, Barry.

Mom.

Thanks for coming. Wouldn't miss it.

Hey, Barry. Hey, Em.

Can you clean up the bed?

Sure.

My cowboy sheets.

Awesome.

How's it going? Almost done.

You set in here? Sure.

Keith, she's puking up shit.

Yeah.

Look, the honest to God truth,

I'm down here because my mother's dying.

I want you to do this for her.

Yeah, it's like her last wish, something she never had.

Yeah, she really wants highspeed Internet access.

No good. She'll be dead by then.

Is there some kind of rush fee I can pay?

Oh, this whole dying-mother thing

really motivates people.

It's too bad you can only use it once. Do you think?

Here you go.

What's this? A cheat sheet from the hospice.

"The stages of dying."

They're coming tomorrow. We have to be ready.

Haven't you seen the bumper stickers, "One day at a time"?

That's my philosophy.

You Hollywood guys, always in and out of rehab.

You make me sick. What is it, booze again?

It may be AA, but it's also Zen.

Be in the moment.

Nothing happens until it happens.

I can't affect the future, so I choose not to worry about it.

That's called denial. Exactly.

In LA we call it Zen.

Kind of a mystical, far-Eastern denial.

You know, alcoholics can be like that.

Well, I'm not an alcoholic. Well, not yet.

I know it's hard, just listen.

"Death is a natural process.

"It is normal to feel emotional."

Bullshit.

When it's my turn,

they're gonna have to carry me out kicking and screaming.

Denial. Total.

No. You said that I would have the table...

I said you could have the car,

not the dining room table.

It's an heirloom.

What am I gonna eat on?

Mom, none of us really want the...

Hush, hush, hush, hush.

What about the armoire?

We bought that together.

Give it to Emily.

All right, then I get to keep the table? Done.

Fine. Write that down.

I just wanna make sure you all get your fair share.

What's next?

So, I read about a new clinical trial

on the Web yesterday.

Now, I know it's a long shot, but I emailed them.

And I thought maybe we'll get a hit

before hospice comes.

Keith.

Then I got into this chat group

that reviews local hospices,

so I know which nurses to look out for.

Then... Keith.

Honey, you can't problem-solve your way out of this one.

Well, I was just doing what I can.

It's kind of a...

Zen thing.

I know, Emily told me.

Okay.

Tell me the story of my birth.

What story?

The one you tell me every year

when you call me on my birthday.

I don't. Yeah, you do.

I do? How boring.

Okay. Um...

Well, you were my first baby and you had a very big head,

which is not a good combo.