Evil

In the name of the Father,

the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.

It's been one day since my last confession.

These are my sins.

I've been angry at my sister.

I failed to pray the rosary.

I got really mad

in line at the drug store.

...Son, the Holy Spirit.

It's been a month since my last confession.

These are my sins.

I hate my husband.

He puts dishes in the sink

even when I've told him 100 times

to put them in the dishwasher.

Then he doesn't take out the garbage.

He thinks it's women's work.

Well, what isn't women's work?

Welcome to the 6:00 a.m. mass.

Let us begin as we always do.

In the name of the Father,

the Son, Holy Spirit.

Amen.

Hello?

Hello.

May I help you?

Do you recognize me?

Victor LeConte?

Do you know what I do?

You work with the Vatican Secret Service.

The Entity.

There is no Entity, David.

There are merely... friends of the Vatican.

Some are ambassadors, some parish priests.

Some work in intelligence-- the CIA,

MI6, DGSE.

They offer information and assistance.

That's all. There's nothing mysterious about it.

Is this about RSM Fertility?

I have a question for you, David.

You're not going to answer my question.

Your question is irrelevant.

Why are you a priest?

To serve God.

What is that?

Your profile.

And do you believe that you are serving God here?

I don't know.

I don't know what God wants.

Would it surprise you to learn that I do know what God wants?

Yes.

God wants you to be a friend of the Vatican.

And... how do I do that?

Say yes.

To?

You want to do good in the world.

You want to fight evil.

And yet you're bored here.

And you're angry at yourself for being bored.

But you can't see the connection

between all of these poorly-attended masses,

all these confessions

and the evil in the world.

You're watching me?

We don't need to watch you.

There's something happening in New York that is evil.

As an assessor, you see it.

But it is not just supernatural.

It is also corporeal.

You will receive a call sometime in the next week,

asking you to perform a task.

- What task? - You will know

that it is from the Vatican because it will be preceded

by this phrase:

"Is est a Deo habetur."

- "And it is deemed by God." - You must perform

this task without question.. do you understand?

You're recruiting me?

I need you to say yes.

I need to tell the Monsignor.

No.

It was good to talk to you.

Wait.

You want a yes?

Yes.

And if you say yes, you cannot tell anyone.

Not the Monsignor,

not your nun friend, none of your secular associates.

If you say yes, you will be a friend of the Vatican.

And that is a burden.

But no one is forcing you to respond.

That is up to you.

So I did a little research, and to add

one more bedroom, it would be 80,000, all in.

- And the bathroom? - Mm-mmm.

Separate, 90,000.

- Another 90? - Uh-huh.

We're supposed to be selling the trekking business

for $85,000.

And we still owe...

80,000 on the mortgage.

Okay, so...

well, I just have to try and get a job that pays

what, in the range of 75,000?

My job pays 60,000, but...

it also pays for half the kids' tuition

and our health care.

We could save by sending the kids to public school.

Laura, please!

Mom, they have bomb threats

- at the public school. - Don't be melodramatic.

- She's not. It's true. - Mom, the sink is clogged

- again. - Don't touch it.

- Mom, I want my own room. - You want your own room?

- - Guys, guys,

guys, guys!

Unless you girls get jobs in the coal mines,

this is one for your parents.

- Okay? Okay. - I'm gonna pass on that.

- Okay, go upstairs. - You say no to everything.

- Good night. - Good night, now.

So I don't... do we just...

do we just hire a contractor and start in?

Yeah, we got to get the loans first.

- What about these earnings? - Oh, that's my mom

- paying 2,000 in the garage. - No.

- Oh, God, no. - No, I'm not advocating for it.

I'm saying that's, you know... strike that.

Okay, so I'm just gonna, I'm gonna try

get a higher price for the business.

Mom!

In the name of the Father, the Son, the Holy Spirit.

Forgive me father, for I have sinned.

Captain Kirk is Christ!

In the name of the Father, the Son...

Captain Kirk is Christ! -

"Captain Kirk is Christ."

Don't worry, I'm not asking you

to break the seal of confession.

I heard it from outside the oratory.

There was another youth filming it.

- Why? - The usual: social media.

It's not just our parish.

I've been hearing from other pastors

that are dealing with the same thing.

Consecrated hosts being stolen.

And this.

"Praise Wandering Jack."

- What's that? - No idea.

I can't find anything about it online, and some parents

are calling the school, worried about it.

Just have your assessors look into it.

- Look into what? - This meme.

This... blasphemy.

It's just kids.

It dies out on its own.

Or it's Slender Man.

A freshman committed suicide last week at St. Andre's.

His parents think he got caught up in something online.

Okay.

I heard Victor LeConte was here.

Really?

Did he approach you?

Me?

No.

What did he want?

No idea.

Tell me if he approaches you.

Certainly.

It's called what?

Wandering Jack.

It's supposedly some Internet meme.

- Well, there's no blood.

Mom, it was all blood before.

Well, it's gone now.

- What are you two doing? - Oh, um,

we're working on my toilet. So,

- this is a possession or... -

I don't know, uh...

I-I'll call you back. I got to get this.

Hello?

Hello?

I'll take a look at the pipes.

You might have something clogged up there.

That's okay, I can just call a plumber.

Wait, but I thought you said you couldn't afford a plumber,

- because we... - Oh, Laura.

I'll take a look tomorrow.

What did, uh, David call about?

Um, this thing online called...

Wandering Jack, Whistling Jack...

- Visiting Jack? - What?

The meme's called Visiting Jack.

Wait, wait, what is this?

It's this thing on the Internet

where you say his name three times...

No, no, if when you see him at night

- if there's a full moon. Yeah.