Drunken Master (醉拳)

"$500 for the death of Charlie Wei."

Hey, friend. Not bad style.

You should take it easy. You look done in.

Guess you must be the Four-Door Fist champion.

Charlie Wei?

I'm Charlie Wei. Your name, if you have one?

Sure, it's Thunderleg.

I've heard of his devil's kick. Of course, yeah.

Everyone knows in the kung fu world.

It's a method that's never been defeated yet.

And won't be.

I suppose I should warn you:

I've been given good money to kill you.

What the hell are you talking about? Someone's paid you to kill me?

I'll give you twice as much to kill him!

You could, only my honour comes first.

You must realise I'm paid to kill. The contract's sealed.

- So you must die. - Don't be so sure of that...

For Charlie Wei, champion of the Four-Door Fist,

has never yet been defeated.

I'll break every bone in your body...

...and send you to hell.

"Wong Kei-Ying Martial Art School"

Hup! Hup! Hup!

Hey! Hey! Ho! Ho!

Professor?

- What is it, master? - You'll finish the lesson.

- I have something to attend to. - Yes, sir. I will, sir.

Stop!

I'm now going to demonstrate.

The first lesson I will instruct you in...

...is the Five Animal Styles. - He's gone bonkers.

- Three-legged cat. - Four-eyed rat.

Let's get started.

Dragon Sees Tiger.

Tiger Rears. Snake's Tongue Darts Out.

Panther Sees Fire. White Crane Spreads Wings.

No, hold it, hold it.

There isn't any power in your wrist, boy.

How do you expect to make progress?

Well?

Huh? Huh?

Straighten it up.

I suppose you think that was real funny, pulling tricks on your teacher.

We'll see. Take that! And that!

- No! It wasn't me! - Who was it? Tell me.

Who was it?

Freddie did it.

Aaah!

So, Freddie Wong.

Now, just because your father is Master Wong...

...gives you no damn right to cause any trouble here.

Oh, balls. Who told you kung fu is just a good start?

Oh, so that's it? You mean to say my kung fu is lousy?

It's not as bad as that, but it isn't the greatest.

Oh? Suppose you show me exactly what's wrong with it.

Right. Just take a look at your Panther Sees Fire.

Well, what's wrong with it?

Look at that spread between your paws.

That's an open invite.

And that horse's stance is completely bowlegged.

I bet on one sweep that I...

There, you've been thrown, yeah?

Just wait.

Shut up! Shut up, you turkeys!

You'd like to test your teacher's kung fu, would you?

And magpies can't fly, can they?

I can stand almost anything, you bum!

But I've taken enough of this bullshit.

Right. Come on!

You're wide open. Do you know that, teacher?

What?

Come to you... ooh!

See how good his horse stance is?

Potbelly! Shut up!

Look, right foot.

Cheat, cheat, cheat!

Bastard!

Fresh roosters!

Get your fresh roosters here! Fresh roosters!

You know, Freddie? You're the cat's ass,

making old Crow Face dance like that.

He's always so full of bullshit.

He thinks he's God's gift to kung fu. Just to see him makes me puke.

- You sure made him dance. - You should have seen his face.

You sure did all of us a favour, that's for sure.

Gee!

- Gee, that's not bad. - So have some more then.

Dumbhead. I was talking about that chick there.

That perfect frame she's got. Yeah, sexy!

- How much? - That one is 76.

You mean that one in the red?

Imagine what it'd be like to be kissed by that chick.

Kissing her is for children.

I could get that broad to hug me.

- Come on! - She wouldn't.

- You wanna bet on it? - I'll bet you a whole dinner.

She's hot, that kind. She won't even take a second look at you.

- Come on. - All right.

A whole dinner then.

Watch.

He's in for trouble.

- What is it? - It's agony!

- Something's in my eye. - What's the matter?

Blow it out, please. Can't you help me?

Huh? Can you? Huh?

One more, huh?

- He did it! - Did you see that?

Thanks a lot. Hey, a snake! There!

It's all right. Don't be scared. I'll kill it.

- That's a technique. - Sure is.

I gotta try that on your sister.

On my sister?

Take it easy...

Thought you could come fresh with my daughter, did you?

Me, touch her? She was asking for it. Dumb bitch.

Mother!

Don't you try and deny it.

You just wanted to lay your filthy hands on her.

On her? That's a laugh. She's much too ugly for that.

Think you're real smart, huh?

Well, I'll teach you a lesson, boy.

So, you want to play at kung fu.

Try this!

- Gee, she's not joking! - Wow, the old bitch is tough!

Hey, guys, you gotta help me.

Some friends they make.

OK, you're nothing but a skinny old woman, so I'll let you win.

Fresh peas. Fresh...

Son of a...

What's your game, huh? Stumbling about like some drunken stooge.

Don't answer back there.

Hey, Jerry!

Come, who'll buy?

See, mister. Jade antique.

- Is it real? - But of course, sir.

It's an heirloom, mister. It's worth money, sir.

- How much is it? - $10.

That's very expensive. Come.

- Here. - Just 10 cents?

Hey!

- Mister, you can't give me this. - Hands off!

This wouldn't buy an old plate. You know that.

I couldn't sell such a valuable piece for only 10 cents.

You don't want to sell, you give me my money back.

But my jade!

That was all I had in the world, sir. Pay for it!

You expect payment from me? Take this!

Daddy, Daddy, are you all right?

Please, at least give me something.

Sure.

Daddy! Daddy!

What's wrong, old man, huh?

He smashed my jade, and he won't pay.

Shithead. Piss off.

- Think you're talking to your mother? - I'll see you rot in hell!

You'd better hand over this man's money.

Pay?

Not before I put you in the ground.

It's too bad you feel that way. Know why?

There's nothing been going right today, so you caught me in a bad mood.

Now, I'm gonna have to teach you how to pay.

You're mad, huh?

Ow! Oh, wow!

You almost killed me!

Hey!

Whoah! My knuckles were barely missed.

- This is for you. Now get going! - Thank you, sir.

That's enough. I'm dying.

Don't worry. You're safe. It's only the blunt side.

I have no intention of killing you...

...yet.

Please!

- That one really came close. - I beg of you!

And watch what you're doing.

Drop dead.

Now, begin to dance to my tune, or I'll make you sing for supper.

You're fortunate because it seems I do miss...

...although it's quite by accident.

Oh, please!

I chop, chop, chop this meat.

So then I slice, slice, slice.

And then I beat, beat, beat. Mix it all together!

It sure has brightened the day I met you.

You know this? It must be at least...

...10 years, brother, since we've seen each other.

And you hardly look a day older.

I would not have recognised my niece.

She isn't a bad girl...

...just a bit naive.

- And where is Freddie? - Oh, that young rascal.

He's a bit of a handful. Always out with his pals, getting into trouble.

Very grown up now. You won't recognise him.

By the way, you'll stay for a few days?

Freddie.

I say, Freddie, come and meet your aunt.

- Come on, lad. - I'll, er... Coming.

Say hello.

Hello, Auntie, cousin.

- Hello. - Hello, Freddie.