An Ideal Host

Yes! Yes.

Oh my God, yes.

No.

Shit. What was it?

Is it the hands that... the hands are too much,

- I'll turn them down. - And the face.

- Okay. - And it's a little bit loud.

Well, you wanted bold choices.

Yeah, but you might have overshot the runway little bit.

Okay. Let's go again.

- From? - From the top.

I'm gonna get this, just walk me into it.

Okay.

- We're post-dinner... - Pre-dessert.

Everyone's a bit tipsy.

But not on the good wine yet.

Because we wanna sadly lower their expectations

before breaking out the expensive stuff.

- Right. - I'll sit back

and say something nice, like, that was great.

I'll offer to go and get dessert.

Say it.

I'll go and get dessert.

Good. Mara will offer to help.

- Thank you, Mara. - Be serious.

Thank you, Mara.

Good. Then say something like,

No, it's fine, I can do it myself

so that I can say...

yes, you can, but you don't have to.

Less is more.

There it is.

Mara will squeal.

Kyle will say something like, "Gross, guys,"

but inside he will be super jealous.

Kyle's plus one will not say anything because

he's probably still learning how to form full sentences.

And then Brett will call for quiet.

- Cause Brett's the best. - And then showtime.

Elizabeth.

Yes.

This is a surprise, I know.

Ten years together,

I bet you thought this day would never come.

Your patience is a quality I admire so much.

You always put other people's needs ahead of your own,

but today Liz, is all about you

and how much I love you.

Elizabeth Elroy,

will you do me the honor of becoming my wife?

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, my God. Yes.

- How is that? - Still has this hint of terror.

Okay.

What if I tried something like, um, like... like this.

Like, oh, I'm...

I'm so surprised I can't look at you, like...

and then that way people won't see the...

- Yeah. - Terror?

Yeah, that... that could work...

- that could work. - Great.

- We've got it. Cut, print. - Look maybe we could...

Hm?

No it's... it's fine, it's fine.

They're gonna love it.

- Yeah, of course they will. - They love us.

Right. Well, big day tomorrow.

I'm gonna hit the hay, you coming?

Oh, no. Not yet. Still got a lot of prep to do,

- so I'll be up for a while. - Oh, you make me feel guilty.

Goodnight.

Wow.

- You like it? - It's amazing.

- Is that... - Citrus and lavender.

I couldn't decide between them so I lit both,

and then I figured that was probably overkill.

So I threw them out and I went with a vanilla bean diffuser.

And you made place cards.

Plus a little schedule to keep things running smoothly.

"5:00 pm, tour the property.

5:30 pm, wine and cheese with sunset.

7:00 pm, dinner. 8:45 pm, dessert."

I like the winky emoji.

"9:30 pm, break out the good wine.

10:00 pm, games. 2:00 am, bedtime.

2:15 am, Clean and prep breakfast.

7:00 am, rise and shine breakfast time.

8:00 am, eat breakfast.

10:00 am, everybody goes home

wishing they were us."

And then we get to do it all again for your parents.

I'm glad we get a little practice run

before we hit that obstacle course.

Well, let's not worry about that right now.

Let's just worry about tonight.

I'm not worried. Everything's gonna be perfect.

We've planned it all. We've thought of everything.

What is it?

What's wrong?

It's from Kyle.

He says, "I'm sorry."

My God. Is he not coming?

I knew it. I knew the minute we moved down here,

people would start to abandon us, it's just...

No, it's worse.

Daisy's coming.

And I'd get home and there'd be bite marks all on

the inside of my mouth. So if you're wondering

why I never let you go down on me

when we were together, that's the reason.

- I wasn't, but thank you. - Just giving you

some advice, you don't have to take it.

- We were 16. - And?

- I've gotten better. - Says who?

- I do. - Anyway,

all I was saying is that it's been a long time.

We've all changed, and if Jack...

Oh, God give it up.

- What? - The Jiz.

- Jiz? - Jackson and Liz.

Yeah, we only ever hear from them when they're down

and out and they need a home crowd boost.

They seem really happy here.

My best guess is that they've

blown what little money they had left

on their latest #Blessed tour.

Or they read an article, that says that hobby plants

are the sexy new status symbol of the eco-friendly millennium

and they're looking for applause to justify their purchase.

You know, this is maybe why they didn't invite you.

- Are we're nearly there? - We're about to hit town.

You're gonna get to see where I grew up.

I really need to pee, do they have toilets there?

- Some of the buildings do, yeah. - I'm not stopping.

- Oh, take him to the pub. - Oh, fuck no.

Come on, I really wanna see it.

- Is it even open? - Uh, 3:00 pm

on a Saturday, it's gonna be the only thing open.

- We're really late. - To a party you're crashing.

Don't pretend like you have manners all of a sudden.

Oh my God, it is the saddest little place, you gonna love it.

Be quick.

- You're not coming? - Fuck no.

Come on.

You were right about this place.

Oh, look at that carpet.

Ah, we just need to use the bathroom.

It's all right. I used to live here.

Come on. Move, move, move, move, move, move, move, move.

- Is that blood? - Welcome to Wellworth.

Wh-why did you bring me here?

Just go quickly, we need to get out of here.

- This was a mistake. - Okay. But just... just...

- can you wait outside? - Sure.

Daisy?

- No. - Yeah, little Daisy Blakely.

- No. - Yeah, yeah,

- Ronnie's girl. - You're mistaken.

You're all grown up.

Uh, what brings you back here?

Hey, I'm sorry to hear about your dad.

I wasn't.

We... we all miss him here.

Come on.

- Let go of my arm. - Come on. Come on.

- Let go of my arm. - Darryl.

- Is he bothering you? - Yes.

Just trying to be friendly.

Darryl, get inside.

Come on, I'm done with this place.

Yeah, me too.

Did he say why she's coming?

Uh, I asked him but he hasn't replied.

Reception is cutting in and out.

It's really bad today.

When did you even see her last?

Do you remember last year when we had our going away dinner

before we went to Mombasa?

No, I don't think you invited me to that.

Well, you're lucky.

Daisy got hammered.

Surprise, surprise.

And made an absolute fool of herself.

She had the nerve to tell Liz

she's wasting her life with me.

- Huh. - I think the orphans of Mombasa

would disagree.

We haven't spoken since.

You know, I never really understood why

you guys were such good friends.

She was always such a weirdo at school.

Anyway, um, do you guys want to see

my photos from my trip to Bali?

Jackson, Brett's here.

What? You didn't tell me Brett was coming.

How do I look?

- Hey, mate. - Hey.

Good to see you.

How's it going?