Harley Quinn

Why don't you ever go to the commissary for lunch?

I know I'm not gonna like it.

But they change their menu every day.

How could you possibly know you don't like it?

I don't like that style of food preparation.

What does that even mean? "Style of food preparation"?

Don't worry.

Without any plants around,

she's just another weak, helpless woman.

Uh, who still has hands

and the goddamn Second Amendment.

Obviously I support background checks

and common sense gun laws.

There she is.

Hey you, stop! Hey!

Shit.

Trying to escape on surgery day.

Don't worry.

Insurance will cover it.

Obviously that was a joke.

Insurance would never pay for this.

I think we can all agree

they're the real villains, yeah?

I would agree with th--

Ugh, it's my fault she's in there.

I can't even imagine what they're doing to her.

You don't think it's, like, torture, right?

I don't think it's like torture.

That's motherfuckin' torture right there.

Screw this. I'm gettin' her out.

That is a lot of big boys with guns,

and you're one petite young woman with a bat.

They aren't gonna come at you one at a time.

That's not how that shit work!

Mmm, that's actually standard goon operating procedure.

Excuse me.

I'm so dang lost and so--

Oh, they're doing the "all at once" way now.

You know what you need?

More bat? More crew.

Hello, Gotham. Riddler here.

Sorry to interrupt your football match,

but I've hidden a bomb somewhere in Gotham.

Oh, but don't worry, Batman.

Here's a little riddle to help you find it.

You throw away the outside and cook the inside.

Then you eat the outside and throw away the--

You're doing great, boss.

Mmm.

You throw away the outside...

Oh, sorry.

Uh, you throw away the...

You throw away the outside and cook the inside--

What the hell are you doing?

I just have one tiny thought.

Maybe say, "Throw away the outside."

Do you see where I put the emphasis?

Did you just give me a fucking line reading?

We're live!

Yes, this guy!

Where's this guy when you're threatening Gotham with a riddle?

Go, now, while you feel it.

All right. You know what? Screw it. It's corn.

The bomb's at the corn factory. Cut the feed.

Uh, can I borrow Clayface for a minute?

Borrow? Take him, please.

Now, forever, be gone.

Hey, Clayface!

Hmm. Ms. Quinn. You look great.

Have you lost some clay?

Yes. I'm feeling very fulfilled.

My life is thick and rich.

Listen, I know I promised to take care of you guys,

instead, I left you out to dry.

You guys aren't just a crew to me.

You're the only family I've got.

You're thinking of the number 17.

Also, FYI he's banging his assistant Denise.

We are not family.

You're right. I didn't treat you like family.

Well, I did, but I treated you like my family treats people,

which is bad not good.

Now, Denise, do you know your boss' password?

And, yes, I heard you,

but I'm passive aggressively not responding.

All I'm asking for is a second chance.

When I got to the Legion of Doom,

I forgot that the only reason I was there

was because of you guys.

But I won't forget again.

So, what do you say?

No. No.

Never gonna happen. No? Ivy's kidnapped!

What? Not Ivy.

We got to save her. Yeah.

Where the hell did you learn how to give a speech?

You put your thesis statement at the motherfuckin' top.

Sorry, sorry, sorry!

Look, Ivy needs us, and I can't do it on my own.

We'll help you, Harley.

Yay! For Ivy.

Still yay. And then we never

want to see you again, all right?

Less yay, but more yay than I had this morning.

What's happening? What's shakin'? We pullin' a caper?

What? No. Where the hell you been?

We broke up a week ago.

What? We broke up? I'm devastated.

I thought this was my forever crew.

What the hell are you talkin' about?

You've never been in the crew.

But you can come help rescue Ivy.

Hi-ya! You won't regret this, Harley baby.

I'll do the driving! I'm an excellent...

Driver!

Hey! Get out of the... Ugh, you schmuck.

Come on! If you don't wanna die,

get out of the road!

Don't throw up, don't throw up.

Don't throw up!

Stop verbalizing it.

You're going to make me--

I do not know how you live with yourself.

Holy shit!

Hey, how you doing, buddy boy?

Where do you want me to set up the pretzel wrapped wieners?

Pretzel-wrapped wieners!

Oh, boy! What's the occasion?

It's a big thank you from the boss

for all your hard work.

Oh, that is just...

You think they don't notice, but they notice.

Mmm.

It's like eating my childhood.

Here, let these guys in.

Who wants a pretzel-wrapped wiener?

Like a glove.

Holy shit! It's true!

Pretzel-wrapped wieners!

Gentlemen and Psycho, begin phase two.

There she is.

Congratulations, Mom, you're going to give birth

to the destruction of Gotham.

My pheromones.

What did you do with them?

Oh, I'd love to show you,

but by the time I unleash it,

you'll be too busy screaming.

Oh, no, fear toxin.

Didn't see that coming.

Hey, shithead, poisons don't work on me.

That's, like, literally my thing.

Which is why I used your DNA

to engineer a special blend just for you.

Was it fun henching for Riddler?

I heard his breath smells,

but the person who told me that had nasty breath,

so he could be an unreliable source.

Guys, shut it.

We can't find Ivy if we can't hear her.

That's her! Follow me!

Oh, my God! What'd they do to her?

I fear they've poisoned Ivy.

Nothing?

Should've saved that for a lower-stakes situation.

Ive, it's okay, we're here!

Actually, it's not okay.

The fear toxin's destroying her brain.

Unless we do something soon,

she's gonna be stuck like this forever.

Don't worry. I know just how to save her.

Why the fuck did you do that?

I had to knock her out so we can get into her brain,

like I was knocked out when you went into mine.

Uh, no.

You just happened to be knocked out before.

So, really, all you've done is punch your friend in the face, you idiot.

Oh, well, whoops.

All right, let's get in there and fix her up.

Also, let's not mention the whole face punchin' thingy.

Let's go! But if we go in her brain,

that'd leave our bodies out here all cute and unprotected.

I'll protect your cute bodies.

No, no. Last time you were alone with our cute bodies,

you tried to burn them.

Hey, hey, hey, I could've done much worse.

Come on, get in her noggin.

Evie's counting on ya.

Ivy. It's Ivy!

All right, we're going in. Sy's stayin'.

Hot dog!

Holy shit.

The fear toxin has activated

all of Ivy's biggest fears.

Hey, guys, over here.

Wow, what a beautiful day to meet some new friends.

I'm so lucky.

Tht was incredibly violent.