Slither

Whippoorwill flies about 27 miles an hour.

Hmm.

That what you thought it would have been?

Sure.

I'd have thought more like

31 or something.

Hmm.

32.

Goddamn, that's a pisser.

Normally, I could look at anything,

tell you exactly how fast it's going within 2 miles per hour.

That's fascinating.

I'm gonna...

Get the fuck out of the way, cocksucker!

Morning, Mayor.

Hi. How you all doing?

Easy come, easy go.

When Darwin said "fittest,"

he didn't necessarily mean the strongest,

or the most intelligent, or any one trait.

He merely meant those organisms most well-suited to their environments.

Now, we humans,

we think we're more fit, more evolved, because we're smarter.

But we're neophytes.

We've only been on this Earth two million years, give or take.

The cockroach, that fellow's been around 350 million years.

So, based on that, which of us is the more successful species?

A lot of folks build houses on unsafe ground.

Mmm-hmm.

The erosion in Cambodia is some of the worst.

My friends wanted to buy a house there, but...

Hey. Come on.

Hey, Grant.

- Okay. - Later, Hank.

He's teaching environmental studies.

He's gonna borrow one of my lesson plans.

Oh, I know what he wants to borrow, and I ain't lending.

Come on, you little varmint.

Cassidy, come.

That's it. Hey, can Cassie come over?

Did she say she was gonna be here?

Quit your lollygagging.

- Hi, sweetie. - See you guys later.

- Come on! - That's it.

Come here, sweetie. So you have a good day today?

Very nice. Hop on in there, baby.

Baby, when did you go to Jack in the Box?

That's one match I'll never get.

Ain't no mystery.

Starla's raised in them shanties off St. Luc. Dirt poor.

All she ever wanted was to be a lady.

Old Grant Grant, he's always been made of green.

- Gold digger, huh? - Oh, hell, Margaret.

Starla's mother left her. Her daddy's a drunk.

She's 17 years old.

Old Grant pulls up, big old Cadillac. House on the hill and college tuition.

What would you do?

- Blow. - Hell, if he had a 'gina,

- you'd have married him, too. - What's a 'gina?

It's a country.

You know, where Ginese people come from.

Learn to eavesdrop better.

Zach. Hell, your mother's waiting over there.

- What the hell you doing here? - Scoot, scoot.

Sugarplum, you coming to bed?

... why the crocodile has survived for millennia,

when so many similar species have gone extinct.

Oh, yeah.

You know what, baby?

I'm just not really in the mood.

Come on, baby doll. It's been a long time. We both need it.

I know. I'm just...

Baby, come on now. I don't just have some switch.

Sure you do.

Flick, flick.

- That's disrespectful. - Come on now. I'm just playing with you.

- Come on, honey. - No, come on, baby.

Why don't you just, you know, work one out for yourself there, darling?

Come on.

Honey, I'm just not in the mood. Can't you tell?

When the hell are you in the mood anyway?

Dang.

Where you going?

Out. For a walk.

Grant. Baby.

I...

Yeah. Hit me again there, killer.

Megan Montgomery's little sister.

- You're kidding me. - Nope.

Brenda.

My sister, Megan, she was a big fat old cow, and I'd be thinking,

"What does he see in her that ain't in me?"

Shit, come on now.

- You couldn't have been more than 10 or 11. - Hell, I was game.

I'll give you a ride, then. All right, come on.

Yee-haw! Giddyup.

- Come on. - Where we going, girl?

- Come on, you. - Where we going?

Get over here.

What'd I tell you?

I had a crush on you.

Will you look at that? Your initials, "B.M."

- Like a piece of shit. - Oh, shut up.

At least I don't got the same last name as the first.

- Oh, you're nothing but a little turd, girl. - Oh, stop!

- Stop, yourself. - Stop.

Wait. Wait, wait.

- Oh, Grant. - Oh, God. You gotta stop.

I can't.

Starla.

She gets real worried about me if I'm out too late.

I'm sorry. I gotta go. I...

Starla. Yeah, shit. Go.

What is it?

I don't know.

There's a trail.

Oh. Oh, that's gross.

- Come on. - Oh...

Come on. Grant.

- Come on. - Wait, wait, wait.

What the fuck?

God dog it!

Oh, God.

Grant.

Grant?

Grant.

Grant.

Grant, are you okay?

Grant.

You okay?

Meat.

Good morning, baby.

We haven't heard this song for a while.

I was hoping it could be a peace pipe.

I'm sorry about last night.

I don't mean to push you away.

Or make you feel rejected.

I do want to be a good wife.

You're crying.

Baby.

Baby, what's this?

It's just a little bug bite.

What are you so smiley about?

Nothing.

Grant and I had a good morning.

And it's been a while.

- Oh, you slut. - Janene.

Quiet.

You're a married woman.

It's Grant.

I don't know, he's like...

It was like he was discovering all these different parts of my body.

You know, like a little boy or something.

I'm telling you, this morning I sensed a real change in Grant.

Meat.

Meat. Meat.

- Howdy, Mr. Grant. - Oh, hey there, killer.

- What can I do you for? - Give me a couple of your rib eyes.

- How many you need? - Eight.

Know what? 10.

No, no, no. You know what?

Give me 14.

Having a party?

Yeah, yeah, something like that. Yeah.

It's a little surprise for the wife.

Grant. What's this lock doing on the door?

Baby, you drilled right into the frame. It's all busted up.

Sugarplum, you really think you should be asking so many questions

- when it's so close to your birthday? - My birthday's not for two months.

- That's close. - Not really.

Matter of opinion.

Grant, I'm jumping in the shower. Baby, we need to leave in 40 minutes.

What are you doing?

Nothing. I gotta...

I gotta go to work. I left something at work.

What? Grant, Deer Cheer starts in about an hour, and you promised me.

Gotta go! Gotta go to work. I'll meet you there!

I will never understand what joy a grown man gets

using a $1,000 weapon to blow the face off a cute little deer.

Yeah.

Surprised you're able to lift a mug, you've been carrying that torch for so long.

Oh, that reminds me of something I want to tell you.

- What's that? - Fuck you, fat ass.

Melvin, clean up the toilets. It stinks over here.

Okay, I'll be right there.

Look what you did, you fucking asshole!

Grant.

Damn, girl.

You are chocolate for the eyes.

I thought maybe you was dead after the other night.

I am dead. Don't I look it?

The old half-Mexican around?

At his mama's for the weekend. I'm all alone.

Besides this one.

Hey.

- Hi. - Scared you?

Hey, Bill.

- What you doing? - Oh, nothing. Just...

I'm trying to get a buzz on, but I can't.

I'm too buff. Got too much muscle mass.