Absolution

- Hey, Dad! -What do you want?

- Anything doing? -I beg your pardon?

Have you any odd jobs up at the school?

Chief cook, bottle washer, you know the kind of thing.

There are no current vacancies, and, if there are,

they're generally advertised in the local town journal,

which is ten miles away.

Are you the gaffer? Hey, how about a gardener?

I could do you a lovely rock garden, with alpine flowers and waterfalls.

I think we can look after ourselves very well, thank you.

Very good. And a Merry Christmas to you, too!

- In good voice, Colonel? -Doing my best, Father.

- Gale? -l'm enjoying it, Father.

Good, I'll see you in the rehearsal.

Straighten your tie, Gregory. You look like a lout.

Richard.

- Going to the rehearsals, Father? -Yes.

Down with the lights, please! One!

- One! It keeps sticking, Father.

Well, hang on, I'll be over with you in just a second.

Sit down, sit down.

Just a second. Now, what's the trouble, Black?

We went through all these cues yesterday.

- Everything all right? -More or less, Father.

Still a few technical hiccups.

Although I must say that our Lady Jane is coming along rather nicely.

Surprising choice.

Everybody behaving himself?

Sit down, sit down.

You look splendid, I must say.

How does it feel to be a soldier of the Queen?

Rather hot and uncomfortable, Father.

Father, are these the sort of uniforms they used to use in the Crimea?

Yes, yes. Intolerable during the day, I believe, but you'd be jolly grateful at night.

Hello, Father. How did you like the aria?

- Not too bad. -lt's awfully difficult, actually, Father.

I mean, singing and playing the cello at the same time.

There was one thing that I wanted to ask you, Father.

D0 you think I should sing it seriously?

Well, I mean, I do remember that it's a funny opera,

I mean, funny ha-ha, but, in actual fact,

Lady Jane's quite a sad character.

He's gone, Dyson.

"How to keep beauty, beauty, beauty, from vanishing away?

"O, is there no frowning of these wrinkles, ranked wrinkles deep down?

"No waving off of these most mournful messengers,

"still messengers, sad and stealing messengers of grey?

"No, there's none, there's none, O no, there's none,

"Nor can you long be, what you now are, called fair,

"D0 what you may do, what, do what you may,

"And wisdom is early to despair.

"So be beginning, be beginning to despair.

"O no, there's none, none, no, there's none. Be beginning..."

It's there.

"Be beginning to despair, despair, despair, despair, despair, despair."

Now, then. The poem may seem difficult at first,

but I think the meaning is clear. And the meaning is what?

- Um... beauty. Physical beauty. -Physical beauty, exactly.

And why the despair?

Urn... because, er... beauty's only been given to us

so that it can be taken away again.

Yes, yes, true. Because, after all, what are we but

a little blood, and a little flesh, and a collection of bones,

and, eventually, the skeleton, but even that dissolves,

and turns into dust, and vanishes into air.

"Into thin air", as Shakespeare says,

and we're left with nothing to give back.

And so what does... what's the answer in the poem?

That we should give beauty back to God.

Yes. While it's still ours to give.

Let's see the exact words.

"The flower of beauty, fleece of beauty, too too apt to, ah! to fleet,

"Never fleets more, fastened with the tenderest truth

"To its own best being and its loveliness of youth:

"it is an everlastingness of, O it is an all youth!"

-(KNOCKING) Yes?

- Father? -What is it?

Can we watch the World Cup on TV?

- No, not now. -But it's the semi-finals tonight, Father.

Rivellino's playing, and he's a very good Catholic.

Dyson, I said "not now", and I mean not now.

Yes, Father.

"O then, weary then why should we tread? O why are we so..."

What are you doing with that? Put it away.

Is it a genuine African spear, Father?

Yes, yes.

"Where kept? D0 but tell us where kept, where."

What a pig!

Yeah. Perhaps we could try again at half time.

I bet if Stanfield wanted to watch it, we could.

Oh, come on. We don't stand a chance with him in there.

"Dyson, I said 'not now', and I mean not now."

- No. -What's wrong?

Should have moved Rook to Bishop 6.

Why don't you jump out of a ten-storey window?

See? What did I tell you?

That's the problem, you see. Leaving your queen exposed...

Feeling nice and spiritual, Stanfield?

Been polishing your halo?

Don't you want to watch the football, Stanfield?

Come on, Benjie!

Benjie?

- Benjie? -Yes, what's your problem, Arthur?

Here's the Dennis Wheatley I was telling you about. It's very good.

Is it? Oh. Thanks a lot.

What was he going on about tonight, Benjie?

Oh, usual exhilarating stuff.

Pus and bones. It's very pleasant.

I don't mind about missing the football, Benjie.

Why the hell should I care what you mind about, Arthur?

How's it going?

Fine, thanks.

- Morning, Father. -Good morning.

- Shall I put your vestments out, Father? -Very good of you. Thank you.

Morning.

- Morning, lads! -Morning!

The sun's singing, the birds are shining.

Shut up!

Gregory, get in the queue, and shut up.

Peterson, have you got any razor blades?

You can borrow my razor if you like.

All right, come on, you lot. Get a move on!

Steel, don't forget you're on the altar this morning.

And you, Fitch, so get a move on.

- Everything all right? -Those two embarrassing bastards.

Oh, well, that's to be expected.

ALL". X Et cum spiritu tuo X

Dominus vobiscum. - Et cum spiritu tuo.

I couldn't have an extra sausage, could I, Mrs HP?

No you can't! I've got enough to worry me

without greedy boys asking for extra sausages.

- If you've got any complaints to make... ...with a bomb in the middle.

Morning, Benjie.

So, these boffins invented a thing called hang-jang-drop.

Now the idea of the bomb was they would launch it from a ship,

it would roll over the surface of the sea,

and come up on the beach with a great big explosion.

But, well, the only problem was,

when they launched it, it sank.

Would you like a roll, Father?

-"Arriving there first, the Beljay..." Belgiae.

"Bel-gye were fortunate in being able to choose

"the terrain from which they would face the Romans."

Very good. Now, who will give us the next thrilling instalment?

- Father! -Dyson.

Father, before translating the text,

I'd like to bring up the question of the Roman strategy.

- Translate, Dyson. -Yes, Father.

"They enclosed themselves in an earthworks twelve feet high.

"This position angered the Romans."

Father, I was wondering how come the Romans didn't build a siege ramp?

Dyson, translate. I don't want to waste time in a discussion on strategy

But, Father, why didn't they build a siege ramp?

Like they did at Masada, Father. Do you remember?

Continue with the translation.

“His constitutis rebus, nactus, nactus“, Dyson.

I'm sorry, Father, I think it's a very valid point of view.

- Nactus, Dyson. -If the Romans did build a siege ramp...

Will you translate "nactus" for me?!

I c-c-can't, Father.

I'm not surprised.

- Your head is too full of siege ramps. -(LAUGHTER)

Stanfield, you tell him.

Urn... "having obtained by chance", Father.

Exactly.

You will stay in detention this afternoon, Dyson.

You will write out the whole chapter, in Latin and in English.

And that is a punishment you have not obtained by chance.

Continue, Stanfield.

"This position angered the Romans, because the enemy,

"having obtained by chance

"the good fortune of overseeing the Roman position,

"now faced the difficult task of overcoming the obstacles

"that the enemy had placed in front of them."

Very good.