A Map of the World

I used to think if you fell from grace,

it was the result of one stupendous error.

[grease sizzling, egg shell cracks]

Or else, an unfortunate accident.

After all... I was an outsider.

Uh-oh.

What did I know about farm life?

Get him off the table, please.

No!

Here. Make yourself useful.

Just eat your food. I'm not hungry!

Claire, what is this?

[woman groaning, baby grunts]

But when the fall happens,

it can happen anywhere.

And so, gradually,

you don't necessarily sense the motion.

[woman and baby making silly noises]

Ba! Ba!

There you go.

[baby giggling, stomping away]

You see, it takes at least two...

...and generally three things, to alter the course

of a life.

[baby screams, mom mock screams]

Sorry!

I hate you mom!

I know you do.

Stupid!

You slip around the truth once,

and then again,

and maybe one more time.

Until...

...there you are.

Feeling for a moment that it was sudden.

Mommy!

Your arrival, at the bottom of the heap.

Mommy!

[chain rattles, gate clanks shut]

Hi ladies!

Howard!

[pipes sucking air, cows mooing]

Oh, Howard, look.

Don't go! After today,

I'll be home all summer.

Don't go! Okay?

Don't go. Don't go. Don't go.

Claire...

- Don't go, don't go... - Jesus.

[little girl repeating continuously] Don't go...

Claire!

Woo!

Come on buddy. Wilma's here.

Don't go, don't go!

- Good morning. - Good morning!

Shoot. I meant to ask you,

can you stay late today?

[t.v; indistinct No, not today.

Edgar's got an appointment at the eye doctor.

He needs me

to drive him, you know how he is.

That's fine.

Next time, if you give me more warning...

I love the girls, and I'd do anything for you.

It's not a problem!

Girls, be good!

Wave goodbye...

Bye!

[skateboards scrape, kids yelling, talking]

There.

Muah!

All better. Ok?

There you go.

What is it this time, Robby?

Huh?

[birds chirping, indistinct conversation]

Are you sure it's okay?

It's more than okay. I'll pick up the girls.

Come by when you're done.

You'd think today would be a breeze, but no.

That Mackessy kid is working my nerves.

Oh not again.

That mother of his.

Spending her welfare checks at the racetrack.

Some people should be allowed to have children!

I gotta go.

What's he got?

Same thing he had when you sent him off the school

this morning. Please.

Come on, honey.

When you have children,

occasionally you have to

think of them first!

Mind your own goddamn business!

This is my business!

You know, I should thank you, Mrs. Mackessy...

It's your negligence that keeps me employed!

Shut up!

You, I'm warning you, if he comes to school sick

one time next year,

just one time!

I will have no choice but to report you!

Well I'll report you!

Yeah.

Get me out of here!

[school bell ringing, kids clamoring, cheering]

- Thank God! - Yeah!

There are some wicked things I'd like to do

to these kids. - Shh!

Careful, or I'll report ya.

Hello!

Hey, we'll be right down.

Make yourself at home.

Okay!

[Theresa in background with kids; indistinct]

Ready, set...

Go!

Oh, look how beautiful you two look!

Oh gosh. Muah!

- Look Mommy! - And you...

Oh my, look at you!

- Thanks a lot. - Oh, we had fun.

Oh.

Oh, Theresa?

- You missed a spot. - I did?

- Made you look. - Ha, that's very funny!

Thanks.

Okay girls,

time to go home. - Say bye-bye.

Bye! - Thanks for coming.

- Bye! Bye!

You want us to bring anything tonight?

Just you and your perfect family!

Bye!

I hadn't taken into consideration

how cold the whip cream would feel so...

...imagine my surprise

when he goes squealing down the hall like a pig,

and it completely shriveled up! I mean, it was so small.

Alice, is this necessary?

Well, and then to top it off he gets mad at me,

because he can't stand the thought of my spending

money on a dairy product when I can just

skim my own cream off the top of the milk pail.

More wine, Alice?

Oh no, I'm wasted.

Oh, what the hell! It's summer!

Fill 'er up.

Dan, tell them about the ice cubes

and the video you brought home.

- What! - Dan, you pervert.

A video, I had no idea.

Somebody stinks!

I wonder who it could be.

I think Dan is trying to change the subject.

Change your diaper, please.

Silly!

Wow.

- Oh I miss this age. - Don't go there.

Ugh, you can't possibly understand.

You don't have an Emma.

Yeah, but she's so independent.

She's so impossible.

Sometimes I don't even like her.

Mm.

Oh Lizzy, look at your legs!

Oh, she's gonna have great legs.

- You think? - Mm-hmm!

And when it finally comes out...

...it's just.... Oh, it's just

Howard! Howard!

- I don't miss it. - You don't?

No I don't.

Yeah, well that's funny because I seem to recall

just yesterday, somebody who looked just like you

begging me to help milk my cows.

Howard!

Leave him alone!