Yellowstone

Morning, Gator.

Beautiful morning, Gator.

Where's Teeter?

Haven't seen her.

Teeter?

Teeter.

What's wrong?

Rattlesnake.

- -

- -Ryan, get your ass over here!

Shit. Hold it on the ground.

Stomp on its head, will you?

That was in your teepee?

In my bedroll, on my fucking chest.

You are one lucky cowpuncher.

So, when they talk about sleeping with serpents

in the Bible, hell does that mean?

It means that you left your flap open

and you weren't under your canvas.

This ain't Montana,

and you can't fucking sleep under the stars out here.

You need to zip your teepee tight, you got me?

Yes, sir.

Damn it.

Here, put that in your hatband

and tell everyone how you cheated fate.

You might've used up all your luck

-on that one, Teeter. - Fuck, I hope not.

-We just got here. - All right,

you need to go back in there and make sure there ain't any more.

You think there's more?

These things seek heat,

and you left the front door open.

You're goddamn right I think there could be more.

Now go on and get in there.

- -Fuck! There's another one!

Guess what.

Here's another.

Damn, boys. We're camped on a den.

Gator, get your ass over here.

You see that?

Want me to cook that thing up?

No, I don't want you to cook it up.

They're pretty good if you fry 'em.

Jake, get those, will you?

Shit.

Son of a bitch.

It's an old prairie dog town.

You camped us on a fucking snake den.

This time of year, they den up.

We'll wait for the sun to rise, and then we'll break camp.

You just watch where you're walking.

They're fucking everywhere.

I'm staying right fucking here till morning.

Y'all can call me whatever you want.

I ain't gonna call you nothing but smart.

Had dumber ideas.

Jesus! Is that another one?!

I swear, fellas,

these things are real good once you fry 'em up.

Tastes like alligator.

That's another thing that I don't want to see!

Or eat!

- -

Fuck.

[Miranda Lambert's "Locomotive" playing]

Great.

- -

[indistinct police radio chatter]

- -

Hmm, now, that's what I call cleavage.

And hiked up the skirt.

Oh, you are giving it to me with both barrels.

Any weapons in the vehicle?

Besides the two poking out of your dress?

No weapons.

Sure you know why I stopped you?

Yeah.

Where you headed in such a hurry?

I'm gonna go see my husband.

-And where's he? -Can I look at my phone?

You don't know the town where your husband is?

He's not in a town. He's at a ranch.

What ranch?

Um...

Four Sixes.

Really?

-Yeah, you heard of it? -This is Texas.

Kids study it in school.

Huh.

Tough to buy one of these on a cowboy's salary.

Yeah, well, I do the breadwinning.

Yeah.

You have that look about you.

Just 'cause there aren't a lot of cars on the road

doesn't mean there ain't other things on the road.

You hit a cow going 100, this is coming apart.

You with it.

Keep it under 80.

Yes, ma'am.

Tell your husband thank you for what he does.

Wait.

Why did you say that?

Why would you thank him?

I put the food on my table, too, but I don't grow it.

This is cattle country, ma'am.

We know what it takes to put a steak on the plate around here.

This looks exactly like where we were.

I told you, you just wander around in circles

till you curl up and die.

Is that what we just did?

Guys.

I don't see any holes.

Crazy woman.

You get that dex and Banamine?

Yeah, I got them both right here.

Good.

Here's one.

And there's two.

How long you think he's gonna be down?

I'd say a couple weeks, at least.

I'm gonna call Lloyd, gonna have him send some horses down.

-We only have one spare left. -No, no.

We can't afford to haul. I'll borrow one here.

Maybe we can help out with two-year-olds and train.

Who is that?

I don't know, maybe the oil company.

Well, they're not scared of driving fast,

I'll tell you that much.

You got to be fucking kidding me.

Jesus Christ, Beth.

Hi.

Oof, baby.

You need a bath.

How the hell did you find me here?

Uh, put a tag in your wallet.

-You did what? -AirTag.

It's a GPS tracker.

Just, uh, you know, if you wandered off

with some cowgirl, I could find you,

kill her, and then castrate you.

I can't help it, I'm a romantic.

Honey, I promise you, this is not a place for you.

This isn't camp by a stream.

This is suffer and survive.

-Mm-hmm. -You will hate it here.

Well, that's why I got us a hotel in Amarillo.

Honey, I cannot leave the boys and go sit

in an air-conditioned hotel room.

Suite, baby. We got a suite.

Okay, well, do you understand how this makes me look?

I can't be held up in town while the boys are doing work.

One night.

Maybe two.

Hi.

So, um, I'm kidnapping him for a couple of nights.

In exchange, next weekend, I'm gonna fly out

boyfriends, girlfriends.

Same hotel, same room.