Hollywood Darlings

Christine, are you sure this is a bar?

Yes, come on. This way.

I know it just looks like a hardware store,

but I'm telling you, this is the hottest new thing:

pop-up club, yeah.

This week, it's here.

You're gonna thank me for this.

We're gonna have an amazing time.

Oh, that's definitely the bartender.

Come on. We're getting close.

Okay, guys, guys, I think this is the bouncer,

so just let me do the talking and be cool.

- Okay. - Okay.

- Hello. - Hey.

The password is "orgasm."

What?

For the club?

"Orgasm?"

This... is a hardware store.

Wait, you mean there's no, like, um, like...

There is no...

There's just hose, springs, screws.

I think he just called us hos.

Okay.

So sorry to bother you.

Have a very nice night.

I think we're just... It's gonna be down the street.

- Ladies, come with me. - I'm gonna kill you.

- Double fisting? - Mm.

How can you have two coffees?

I'm the one with the youngest kid here.

It's not two coffees.

This is a quad espresso.

- This is a black coffee. - Mm.

- Wow, that's intense. - Ugh.

Kenzie!

Kenzie, play nicely with your brother.

I am so exhausted.

I had that "Fuller House" wrap party last night.

- Ohh. - Yeah.

I was up way too late.

It was like, 2:00, in the morning. I mean, I...

- 2:00 in the morning? - Yeah.

Oh, my God, I cannot do those nights anymore.

I am paying for it. Mm-mm, no.

At least you had a wrap party to go to for a hit show.

"Fuller House," that is doing gangbusters.

Gosh, everybody's doing a reboot.

You guys, I should really get the gang back together.

I have a meeting with a TV network in a couple of days.

They just want to hear some ideas.

And I was gonna pitch maybe

getting "Step by Step" back together.

It might be a really good idea.

Right?

You gotta be, like, a go-getter in this business

if you want to have any kind of longevity.

I had to get very proactive over the years,

you know, pitching my own TV shows.

Just gotta take your own balls in your own hands...

and run with them.

Speaking of reboot, I should totally

get myself back out there.

I mean, it's been so long.

I think I've, like, forgotten how to do it.

You know, I'm going to this producer's party this week.

He's got, like, five shows on the table right now.

And there's a ton of people there that you should meet,

so why don't you come with me?

Sounds like fun. What time does it start?

Like, um, 10:00.

- Ooh. - 10:00?

I mean, that's past my bedtime.

You got it. You can totally do it.

I can do this. We can do this.

- Totally. - We can totally do this.

Good luck. I'm gonna be in bed.

Oh, so sweet.

So excited to pitch you guys some new TV show ideas.

Thanks so much for having me back.

Yeah, of course.

Everything you did last time was great.

Just a little too soft, maybe something...

A little edgier

but still, like, with a sprinkle of wholesome, you know?

Okay.

Square peg, round hole.

Okay. Um...

Stuff that's really out of the box, yet...

Still inside the box but still being outside of the box.

Um, well, I, uh, have taken all those notes,

and I've kind of, you know, put them in a Crock-Pot, and,

- uh, I'll just get into it, so... - Great.

First show, it's a half hour, right?

Scripted comedy.

Think "ALF" meets "Sex and the City."

Okay.

This is like alien moves in with four sexy young singles.

And then it's "Sex and the City,"

so are the... is the puppet having sex with the...

Exactly, you're hitting the nail on the head here.

Oh. It feels as if it borders a little bit on, um,

uh, bestial... bestiality?

But very soft bestiality.

Kind of a little too edgy.

Just gives me that weird feeling inside.

Got it. Yes. Okay.

Um...

how about we go reality?

- I love reality. - Think about this.

Homeless beauty queens.

I-I don't know. Um...

We find some homeless women, okay?

We give them makeovers.

Where would you find the homeless people, though?

Are these actual homeless people?

Yeah, basically.

Yeah, I really love that.

I hate it.

Horrible.

All right, well, I got one more.

I mean, you're probably not gonna like it.

It is not outside the box and not very edgy

and has totally been done before.

Uh, but "Step by Step" reboot.

I really like that.

Really?

- Yeah! - Yeah.

- Okay. - I-I think it's great.

- I totally love it. - Wow, okay.

- Mm-hmm. - '90s are in.

- Great. - Yeah.

I think it... Critical: you got to get the cast.

Absolutely.

- Um, you... - Staci Keanan.

- Uh... - Patrick Duffy, right?

- Suzanne Somers. - Of course.

I think you'd have to have those three

- to lock this in. - Yeah, absolutely.

Well, then... and I... and obviously I would be in it too.

Yeah, so you'd be the friend that drops by?

No, I'd probably just play my character.

Allie.

Al.

If you can get the cast locked up,

I don't see any reason we couldn't green-light this,

I mean, in the next couple of weeks.

- Like, tomorrow. - Tomorrow.

Yeah, no, I can talk to them.

I'm sure that they'd be down. I mean, you know.

Let me get them together, and, um,

I'll see you at the table read.

Oh, I'm so happy you could come to lunch.

I haven't heard from you in so long.

I know. I mean, I'm sor...

With the baby, you know?

You know, the first thing I thought was,

there's a marriage problem or something.

Or a money problem.

Don't ever call me when you have a money problem.

Okay.

So tell me.

You're buying me lunch. Why?

Well, I just... you know, I wanted to get together.

It's been a while, you know.

- No, you didn't. - I did.

Listen, I have a little pitch for you.

Aha.

- I was just thinking... - What?

All these shows are doing reboots.

My friend Jodie, this "Fuller House" thing...

- Oh, I know it. - Megahit.

I think we should get a reboot going.

- Yeah. - They should be doing our show,

"Step by Step."

I did a reboot thing.

I get that.

Yeah, I mean, I did "Dallas."

- Right. - Yeah.

That was very lucrative.

Basically, it's like getting paid

to have a family reunion, hmm?

Ooh, you're selling, selling, selling.

I am.

I mean, it's a great idea,

you know, but I'm kind of happy up north.

Come on. Think about it.

You think they would fly me down

if I only worked maybe three days a week?

Totally.

And I don't have to memorize all the lines?

No. We'll get you cue cards.

- We'll... we'll dub your mouth. - That'd be kind of funny.

We'll do Japanese-style, doesn't matter. Right?

And I don't have to do the physical things?

No. We'll put you in a chair.

- Get paid a bucket of money. - Right.

And don't work with Staci.

What?

Just not work with Staci.