8 Simple Rules

-Hey, girls. -Both: Hey.

Wow. You went grocery shopping.

What a pleasant surprise!

We also did the wash.

Yes, and took out the trash.

That is so sweet.

You know, I'm not buying you cars.

We know.

We did it because we love you.

Seriously, I am not buying you a car.

Heeki keeki, moki.

Milaki, aliki.

Moki? Aliki? I remember that.

That's that secret language you made up when you were little.

Yes. I invented it.

Because she couldn't quite grasp

the one that everyone else was speaking.

Oon alaki.

That was so cute when you were five.

Mooku booku.

I said when you were five.

Now wait a minute.

You know, you only spoke that way

when you were up to something.

Mom, we're just playing around. Lighten up.

Yeah, we're just joking.

Oh, chips. Fork 'em over.

You guys did buy a lot of chips.

No vegetables?

The chips are potato and corn.

As I recall... vegetable.

So what did you do today, dad?

Oh, boy, I had a busy day.

I woke up,

I shaved...

And here we are.

I started to take a nap,

but Kerry and Bridget woke me up doing laundry.

Oh, grandpa, yeah. We're sorry about that.

So we got you some earplugs at the market.

Well, that's very considerate, girls.

I'm not buying you cars.

Just put those in, and...

you won't be able to hear any annoying sounds.

Hey, grandpa.

What's shaking besides your hands? Heh heh.

I can't hear him, but my sense of smell is heightened.

Hey, mom.

-Hi, honey. Where you been? -Putting up flyers.

Don't worry, we found grandpa.

He was in the basement the whole time.

I'm going into business.

Hmm. Car detailing: Inside and out, $10.

Call Rory, 'The Car Wash King'

I am 'The King'.

Yeah, well, the king's getting hosed, dude.

Cheap detail goes for at least 30 bucks.

And it's back-breaking work.

Believe me, I've watched those guys.

It just means Rory will get more customers.

Forget it. I'm not getting ripped off.

I'd better go get those flyers back before someone gets my...

Don't anybody get...

Home of the car wash king.

Motor homes? Sure, bring her on down.

How much for the best room in the hotel?

How much for the next best?

Next best?

Next best?

Oh, is that one indoors? We'll take that one.

Champagne?

-Do we like champagne, Kerry? -Oh, we love champagne.

Ohh; What's this about champagne?

I can't drink champagne. Can't you see I'm underage?

We've been getting calls like that all day.

And seeing little spots?

What, just me?

You know, girls, you're still not off the hook.

Mom, we're not doing anything, okay?

Moomoo boka naki?

Steeki poopoo kookoo!

What the hell is all that gibberish?

Cate, that is gibberish, isn't it?

Yes, dad, it's just nonsense that the girls made up

to keep secrets from Paul and me,

...like when they stole cookies.

But you two are up to something.

Dad, maybe you can help me figure it out.

We have cookies?

Don't worry, aunt Cate. I can figure this out.

It's no different from Army Intel,

putting the pieces together, cracking the code.

And then: Bam! Yeah, over here.

You're dragging the ace of spades

out of his little hidey-hole.

Oh, please.

Yes. I heard steeki poopoo.

Hmm. Sounds familiar.

I think it's a root word meaning 'to farm',

'to cultivate', 'to govern' and such.

You're a moron, C.J.

-Tootles! -Yeah, tootles.

Yes, tootles, tootles...

Possibly an adverb.

C.J.; You just keep working on that. -Yes.

Dad, they are up to something.

I know it.

I mean, shopping, laundry, cleaning?

Maybe they're just being sweet girls because you raised them right.

Oh, please.

Look, dad, a mom's instincts are never wrong.

Being a parent is a little like being a detective.

I'm going to get to the bottom of this.

Ehmm; Tootles. Tootle-loo. Tootle, tweedle...

Tweety bird! There's something.

Hey, Rory, how's the car detailing going?

-It sucks. I'm quitting. -No no no no no.

No grandson of mine ever quit at anything.

Well, no grandson of mine who's in my will.

Oh no! I was looking forward to the 'Basement Estate'.

Grandpa;

Detailing's way too much work for 10 measly bucks.

A man of his word meets his obligations.

Fine, I'll finish the cars I already have booked.

But then I'm hanging up my hose.

If you're gonna make the kid work his fingers to the bone,

at least you could volunteer to help.

I did help. I just gave him 'my man of his word speech'.

That is worth gold.

Sweet, another treasure I won't inherit.

C.J.;

Did you see that pile of change

that was in this guy's ashtray?

Hey, whoa.

The tone of your voice is very accusatory.

I didn't say you stole it.

You're looking at me like I did.

-Like you're eyeballing me. -Just put it back!

How's it going out there?

Oh, great.

I've been working 20 hours and I've made 20 whole dollars.

I made more than that in five minutes...

In something un-ashtray related.

Would you look at that?

You know what?

Works better if you're holding one of these.

A 59's studebaker power hawk.

This is the first new car I ever owned.

It turned as many heads as Laura.

Oh, the times your grandma and I had in this.

Jim and Laura in the backseat, getting down.

Jimbo the stud, down and dirty with Laura.

Gross.

Getting worked up thinking about grandma.

What are you doing?

Oh, I'm just gonna turn it over

and give a listen to that engine.

Hear that?

Uh-oh. You hear that pinging noise?

Yeah. Turn it off. Leave it alone.

I'll tell you what, guys; Eh...

Why don't you just take a break?

I'd be honored if you'd let me wash and wax this one.

Consider yourself honored.

Heh heh heh. Right on.

By the way, don't forget

Wax on,

Wax off.

Like 'Ralph Macchio'.

Remember in "The Karate Kid," he was the guy with the...

Oh, forget it.

Honey, are you affirming yourself in the shower?

Mom!

Well, I did your laundry.

I thought I'd put it away for you.

Thanks, mom.

Where's your sister?

Out. Back in an hour.

Okay.

Ah... Honey, are you okay with me putting your stuff away?

You know how I like to respect your privacy.

Love you for it, mom.

My suitcase?

Hotels?

Mom? What are you doing?

Uh, nothing, honey. Just the laundry.

You know; Mom stuff. Bridget said I could.

Bridget, get out here!

Gotta go.

And now on to the legs.

-Thanks for the burger, C.J. -Hey, don't thank me.

Thank the guy who left all his change in...

You're welcome.

I can't wait to get out of the car-detailing business

and get into where the real money is.

Night crawlers!

Grandpa; what did you do?

I took the engine apart.

Hey, did you find any spare change?

What? Are you insane?