Man Seeking Woman

What's this bar we're going to tonight?

- Eh, some place Liz picked. - Yeah, you know the address?

Uh, she texted it to me.

- It's just in my phone there. - Thanks, bro.

_

Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

"Preparing for anal sex." Dude!

Whoa, no, no, no.

That's... that's a very... that's personal.

Are you and Lucy thinking about...

- It's just between us, so... - Joshua!

- I am so proud of you, man. - Thanks.

I mean, it's just something we're talking about vaguely.

Shh, shh, shh, this is my best friend

taking the big leap with the woman he loves.

I-I always knew this day would come.

- I just didn't know when. - Thanks, man.

It just... the timing just feels right.

You know? I just... I can't picture

- doing it with anyone else, so... - OMG.

Look at me. I got goose bumps all over.

So, what, you did the whole

- "ask the dad" thing? - What?

- No. - Dude, you have to ask the dad

for his blessing. It's tradition.

Yeah?

I mean, it just seems kind of

like a personal thing with Lucy and me.

- No. - Dude, asking the dad is classy.

Trust me. Any chick would back me up.

- Ask Liz. - No!

I-I don't wanna ask my sister about this.

First of all, mazel.

Secondly, Josh is right.

Asking for her father's permission is sexist

- and outdated. - Exactly.

I mean, it's... it's kind of creepy, right?

It's totally creepy.

If Lucy wants to take this step with you, it is up to her.

You don't need to beg an old man's approval.

- See? - Thank you.

- Now, that said... - Oh, no.

Mm.

Aren't her parents kind of old-fashioned?

Kinda.

- Then you have to ask. - Yes.

- Oh, good day, Mr. Parker. - How are you?

- I see you looking at my rifle. - Yeah.

Can't blame you. She's a beauty.

Lethal, but a beauty. Yes, sir.

Take care of your rifle, it'll take care of you.

- I learned that in the Marines. - Oh.

You learn a lot in the Marines.

You learn to kill, to end life.

You learn what it's like to see the light go out in a man's eyes

moments after you shot him close up.

In a way, you learn to love it.

Uh, yeah, that's, uh, neat. Uh, thank you for your service.

Have a seat.

Let's hear it, Josh. What can I do ya for?

Well, um, Mr. Parker,

uh, as... as I'm sure you know,

I-I care a great deal for your daughter.

I'm... I'm crazy about her. I... I love her.

I love her with everything in me,

and, uh,

I-I would very much like if, um...

sorry.

Um...

it... it would... it would make me

the happiest man... in the world,

um, if I could have anal sex with your daughter.

Mr. Parker, cou... did you hear what I said or...

You dare come in here,

into my home,

ask me that,

and not call me Dad?

Oh!

Josh, course, you have my blessing.

Oh, my God, thank you too, sir.

Hey, Carolyn, get in here!

- Did he ask the question? - Just now.

Oh, my God.

I had a feeling that you would.

Oh, yeah...

God, that was brave of you, son.

Really brave. Yes, I remember

when I had to ask Carolyn's father.

Boy, I was nervous. Sweating bullets.

- Yeah. - He grilled me.

Josh, can you call us the minute you do it?

- Oh, absolutely. - And if you could possibly,

possibly manage it, pictures.

- Yeah, of course, Mrs. Parker. - For Pete's sakes,

call me Carolyn.

You're about to my daughter

in till your falls off.

Oh, and, uh...

I-I would also like to ask, uh, Lucy to marry me.

- Oh, cool. - Whatever.

Go for it.

Ah!

Here you are, sir.

There it is. That's the one.

Ah, thank you so much for your help.

You truly are a master of jewels.

I can't believe

I'm finally gonna ask her to marry me.

- You got something big planned? - I got a little something

up my sleeve for this weekend.

Good for you. So many guys blow it.

Uh-huh.

You know, you only get one shot

- at a romantic moment like this. - Yep.

One shot for the rest of your life.

Yeah, I'm aware. Can I just have the bag?

You know, the last thing you wanna do is squander it.

I really think you're being overly dramatic.

Uh, it's not that much pressure.

Male narrator: In the most anticipated event of the year,

it's all... been leading... up... to... this.

"Josh's Proposal." Coming this weekend.

crowd: Josh! Josh! Josh! Josh!

Josh! Josh! Josh! Josh!

How cool was that?

Well, we have a special guest with us today.

He's a guy we all know

is gonna knock this proposal out of the park.

Please welcome Josh!

Oh, holy shit.

I love you! I love you!

Josh, buddy, uh, can you leak anything

about the proposal this weekend?

Uh, give us some spoilers. I mean, we need to know

how it's going down.

I don't know

if I should.

Just tell us a little something.

All right, okay.

Maybe... maybe I could just,

you know, divulge a wee bit of info.

- Yeah? - You know... yeah.

Well, this is amazing.

All right, uh, two words:

low-key.

Uh, so the plan is to surprise Lucy at breakfast.

Uh, I'm gonna make her,

uh, eggs and pecan pancakes,

uh, which is her favorite,

uh, breakfast.

Uh, uh, when she's done eating,

uh, said breakfast,

I'll ask her, uh, "Do you want seconds?"

And when she goes, "Yeah,"

I'll give her a plate with the ring on it,

and I'll go,

"Hope you like carats."

Because, uh, you know, carrots are a vegetable

that you could eat, but it also re... refers

- to the caliber of the diamonds. - Yeah.

What?

Okay, I guess we'll open it up to questions.

- Yeah, hi! - Yeah, okay.

- Yeah, hi. - Hi, I came from Tampa.

- Oh, cool. - 400 miles.

I drove.

Well, uh, thank you for making the trip up.

Uh, this proposal...

is...

it's not good.

It's poorly conceived.

It's a sad rehash

of 1,000 proposals I've seen before.

I think we can all say it's... it's a let down.

Oh, well, I mean, I just... obviously, I disagree.

Bungee jumping, skydiving, flash mob,

these are all better ideas than your idea

and I just came up with them off the top of my head.

Who green-lit this, huh?

Jar Jar Binks dickhole?

Listen. I'm doing the best I can.

Doesn't feel like that.

It feels like the Holocaust.

Hey. Whoa.

You are ruining millions of people's lives.

Oh, I see.

I mean, this is bullshit!

- As much as I agree with you... - What?

I think you better sit down.

Yeah, I think you should sit down.

That's a good idea 'cause I like to sit down

when I get .

- There's a kitchen nearby. - Yeah?

- I'd sneak out through there. - Understood.

Yeah. I'll cover for you.

- Go. - Okay.

Pecan pancakes and eggs.

- You are so sweet for cooking. - Oh, of course, yeah.

- I love you. - Thank you.

- I'll do the dishes. - I... uh, thanks.