I Wanna Hold Your Hand

Hey. Mr. Sullivan.

Now, I know a lot of you are wondering about tomorrow night's show.

Just who are these youngsters from Liverpool who call themselves the Beatles?

Just what can we expect? Well, let me put it in perspective for you.

Now, here a few years ago, we had a young vocalist up on our stage by the name of Elvis Presley.

He, a few of you may remember... He caused quite a sensational reaction...

among the youngsters in our studio audience.

Well, tomorrow night, right here on our stage,

we're gonna have Elvis Presley times four!

I don't get paid enough for... All right. Simmer down.

Simmer down, simmer down.

All right. A few weeks ago I went to England, and I saw these four youngsters perform.

Both Sylvia and I agreed that what they do to an audience is truly remarkable.

So, I want you to be prepared for...

excessive screaming, hysteria,

hyperventilation, fainting,

fits, seizures, spasmodic convulsions,

even attempted suicides... all perfectly normal.

It merely means that these youngsters are enjoying themselves.

Now, I want you to remember that tomorrow night...

we're going out live, coast to coast,

to 90 million viewers in the United States and Canada.

So remember, nothing must interfere with our really big "shoe. "

# Oh, yeah, I'll tell you something #

#I think you'll understand #

# When I say that something #

#I want to hold your hand #

#I want to hold your hand #

#I want to hold your hand #

# Oh, please, say to me #

# You'll let me be your man #

#And please, say to me #

# You'll let me hold your hand #

#Now let me hold your hand #

#I want to hold your hand #

#And when I touch you I feel happy inside #

#It's such a feeling that my love #

#I can't hide, I can't hide #

#I can't hide #

# Yeah, you got that something #

#I think you'll understand #

# When I say that something #

#I want to hold your hand #

#I want to hold your hand #

# I want to hold your hand #

#And when I touch you #

# I feel happy inside #

#It's such a feeling that my love #

#I can't hide #

#I can't hide, I can't hide #

# Yeah, you got that something #

#I think you'll understand #

# When I feel that something #

#I want to hold your hand #

# I want hold your hand #

Rosie, I don't know why you're dragging me in here. I can't be spending any money on Beatle records.

Hey, listen. Stereo. Rosie, are you listening to me?

Come on, Pam. Rosie!

All right, baby, this is Murray the "K"with the number one song... Rosie, wait a minute.

Excuse me.

Rosie, did you hear what I said? I've gotta start saving my money for more important things.

I mean, for God's sakes, tomorrow night I'm getting... you know...

All right, I'll buy it for you as an elopement present. Shh!

Do you wanna tell the whole world? Anyway, if you're gonna get me something,

get me something practical that I can use, like Tupperware.

Aah! Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

It's Paul! Oh, I'm gonna die!

- Oh, my God! It's Paul! It's Paul! - Rosie...

- Oh, I'm gonna die right here! He's so cute, so sexy!

- He's cardboard. - #I know you never #

#Even try, girl #

Yeah. Yeah, well, I know it is.

Yeah. The Beatles are fakes!

It's all a plot... a plot to make you waste your money! Don't fall for It!

Herb, lemme... lemme call you back later, huh? It's a gimmick!

Oh, you don't really wanna buy these albums. You only think that you do.

Punch her out!

Rosie, you're not buying another one. It's not for me. It's for Pam.

Just to give away two tickets to The Ed Sullivan Show.

Did you hear me, baby? If you can answer this question: What's Ringo Starr's real name?

Are you listening to me? Did you hear what I said? Ohh!

#Please please me, whoa, yeah #

#Like I please you # And right now...

Janis, what are you doing?

You are picketing in my store. You are driving my customers away.

Why? All I see around this store is Beatle albums.

What about Bob Dylan? Joan Baez? How come they don't get equal floor space?

The Beatles sell. "Jane" Baez doesn't sell.

I deserve a little more respect from my own daughter.

You are embarrassing me. I'm embarrassing you?

I feel like I'm talking to a walking publicity stunt.

Hey, Janis! Janis, have you seen Rosie?

Hey, just a reminder... Rosie.

Rosie, that's your 12th busy signal! You're not gonna get through!

Rosie!

Rosie, I got somethin' to tell ya,

but I want you to promise me that you're not gonna scream...

and you're not gonna yell and you're not gonna faint.

Oh, my God, Grace. What? You promise?

I figured out a way to get into the Beatles' hotel.

Damn, Rosie! Control yourself!

There's still a hitch. We gotta raise $23.

Twenty-three dollars?

See, we have to hire a limo. A limousine.

It's the only thing that can pull up to the front of the Beatles' hotel without getting stopped by cops.

How much money you got? Uhh, I got three dollars worth of dimes.

That's not enough, Rosie. Damn!

But it's enough to hire a cab. We could drive up in a cab!

No, I already found out. The cops are checkin' the cabs.

See, we need a limo, and we need it tonight. I mean, I got a deadline to meet.

Yeah. Tonight? We can't go tonight.

Aren't you guys forgetting about something?

Aren't you forgetting about this? Oh, yeah. That.

This is my last night as a single woman. We were gonna do something special.

We were supposed to spend the night at Rosie's, and it was gonna be like my shower or something.

Oh, hey, Pam, what could be better than for all of us to drive up to the Beatles' hotel together...

and see the Beatles in person? Yeah! Right, Pam. How much money you got?

I'm about to be a married woman. I can't go chasing after the Beatles, and...

and it's not fair to Eddie. Pam, I want you to know something.

You don't seem to understand how important this is to me.

I mean... I mean, I have got to get through to the Beatles. My entire career depends on it.

If I could get exclusive pictures of the Beatles, I mean, they'd run my story on the front page of The Suburban!

I mean, I might even be able to sell it to Life magazine or something. Can you imagine that?

Jesus Christ. Gonna suffocate in here.

Hey, Janis.

Hey, Janis, you got any money? What do you want money for?

Don't worry. It's for a good cause. Grace, there's Larry Dubois.

So what? So don't you know who Larry Dubois is?

Yes, I do. He's the boy that threw up in biology.

His father's got lots of limousines. He's an undertaker.

Hi, Larry. I didn't know you played a musical instrument. Yeah.

You're so musical.

This is ridiculous. He'll never do it.

Uh, Larry, are you busy tonight? I don't know.

He'll do it.

# Oh, oh #

Ohh! I just ran over a casket.

What was it doing out with the garbage? Is that where it was?

Uh-huh. Ooh, sh... Oh, it's okay. It's one of those discontinued models my father's throwin' out.

You know, nobody was in it, so the garbage man'll come and pick it up.

Jesus, Larry, didn't you even take driver's ed, for goodness sakes?

I told you I didn't have a driver's license. All's I got is a permit.

Look, Grace, we just better turn around right now.

It's against the law to drive with a permit unless there is a licensed driver in the car.

I've got a license, Pamela. You do? But, Grace, I thought your birthday wasn't until...

You know, I don't have any insurance either. Relax, Larry.

Look, I have absolute confidence in your ability to handle machinery. Any kind of machinery.

I mean, I've seen you threading up those projectors in the A.V. Room.

You're just the best. Yeah, I'm pretty good on those Bell & Howells.

Yeah.

Rosie, are we gonna have to listen to the Beatles all the way to the city?

You know, I swear, Janis. Every time something popular comes along, you automatically think they can't be any good.

- I don't know why we let her come in the first place. - She's helping to pay for the gas, Rosie.

Besides, someone's gotta be there to speak the truth.

Say, Rosie, what do you think of my new sign?

I think it's disgusting. Who do you think's gonna look at that anyways?

- The press, Rosie, the press. - Hey, Larry, you like the Beatles, don't you?

- Yeah, they're all right. They got a good beat. - Oh, they're the greatest!

- I mean, gearest. Here, have a jelly baby. - A what?

Ajelly baby. You know, jelly beans. They call 'em jelly babies in England. It's the Beatles'favorite food.

You know what their favorite drink is? Coke, with a little bit of scotch.

What am I doing here? Eddie is gonna kill me. He's gonna kill me.

Eddie hates the Beatles. He's gonna think I'm immature. I just know it.

Do we have to hear about Eddie all the way into the city?

Pam, can I see your ring, please? Just for a minute?

Well, all right, but be careful with it.

Why do you keep it in your boobs for, Pam? You're gonna lose it that way. Do you want my mother to see it?

Pam, you're so lucky. Yeah, I guess.

No, I mean it. I'll probably never get one of these. Oh, don't be silly, Rosie. It's no big deal.

Yeah. Well, there's really only one guy I wanna marry anyways... Paul.

- Paul? Paul who? - Never mind. You don't know him.

Larry, I think we're being followed. Oh, God! Not the cops!

- Relax! - It's Tony Smerko!

#Yeah, yeah, yeah I wanna hold your glands #

Hey, Janis, how do you like my hairdo?

Oh, it's really fab! It makes you look like Paul!

Oh, you like it? You got it!

Hey, where you guys goin'? Oh, we're gonna go see the Beatles!

The Beatles? Aw, the Beatles are a bunch of crap. Hey, Janis, why don't you come with us?

We got a whole case of Miller's High Life here, the champagne of bottled beers!

What do you say, gorgeous? Here, open this one.

Aww, come on.

Janis! Hey!

Hey, pull up! A little closer.

Pull it closer. Pull it closer! Hey, Dubois, how ya doin'?

Pull it close. Pull it closer here! Are you crazy?

Hey, you don't mind if I... if I come along with you, now, do you?

Oh, I don't know, Tony. I haven't got no insurance or nothin'.

Aw, that's okay. Neither do I!

#I've been told when a boy kiss a girl #

What are you doin'? # Take a trip around the world #

#Hey, Hey # #Bop shoo wop, bop bop shoo wop #

#Hey, Hey # #Bop shoo wop, bop bop shoo wop #

#Hey, Hey # #Bop shoo wop #

#Bop bop shoo wop # #She say you do #

#Bop shoo wop #

#My girl says when I kiss her lips #

Damn it, Smerko, what are you tryin' to do? Kill us?

Hey, lighten up! No harm done here.

Everybody's in one piece. Huh!