Average Joe

Come on! Come on! Come on!

Come on, boys! Let's go faster!

Let's go! Let's go! Let's go!

Get alongside it!

Can you picture it?

I mean, what a way to start the movie, right?

Except... it's not exactly how it happened.

All right, boys! It's camel tonight!

I wasn't wearing the Jockey underwear.

-Joe! -What? It's the truth.

Well, you can't tell them that.

That's why I added the Jockey underwear.

Look, if you're serious

about turning this into a movie...

that last thing I want

is it making me out to be some sort of choir boy.

I mean, you ask anybody who knows me,

I was a hellion of a kid

who nobody wanted.

I was always in trouble, or causing it.

So...

...if you told me that saying a prayer on the 50-yard line

was the thing that was gonna get me

in the biggest fight of my life,

you can't tell me that God doesn't have a sense of humor.

We don't-- we don't know how this thing's gonna play out.

I mean, we're still waiting to see

if the Supreme Court is even gonna hear the case.

But...

whatever happens,

the one thing everyone needs to know is that...

it's all her fault.

What?

That... that is not true.

You're being way too humble.

You're the one who taught me that there are still things

worth fighting for.

You ready?

I had just gotten kicked out of Jefferson.

Oh, wait. Maybe it was Baldwin.

No, it was Jefferson. Baldwin was later.

Oh, that's right. That's right. Thanks, hon.

What'd you do this time?

Put Ex-Lax in Ms. Jakobiak's coffee.

Awesome!

Yeah, man. She gave me three detentions last week.

She deserved it.

-Wanna come over for dinner? -Yeah.

My mom's making tuna casserole.

-What's wrong? -Look. Over there. It's her.

The new girl.

She was in my class today.

What?

I'm gonna marry her.

Joey, you've gotta go over there

and tell her that I love her.

Why can't you just go do it?

Come on! Go over there and see if she likes me, okay?

Fine.

As I walked up the drive,

I swear, time slowed down

like one of those cheesy romance movies.

Wait.

That's not even close to how it happened.

-It's not? -No.

That's exactly how I remember it.

No. No, what I remember is...

I was playing in the yard,

minding my own business, when...

Will you marry me?

You're creepy.

Mom!

Okay. Maybe you're right.

But you can decide later which way to film it.

Well? What'd she say?

I'm gonna marry her.

What? No. I am!

See, I told you. It was my very first fight.

All because of Denise.

Off my lawn!

Hey! Hey!

Get off my lawn!

Got it?

Did you miss naptime? Okay.

So, why don't you focus on dinner?

We'll go to bed afterwards.

It's okay.

What happened?

Got in a fight with Chris.

Joseph Anthony Kennedy!

You're gettin' mud all over my clean floors!

So when my birth mother gave me up for adoption,

she was told I was going to an older, wealthy couple

who lived on a farm and couldn't have kids.

As you can see, that was a big lie.

Just eat.

Oh, I hated school.

Hated it.

So I found other ways to educate myself.

Yep. I was a pool hustler.

Good game.

-For a 20% cut... -Thanks.

...the bartender was happy to look the other way.

Best math class I ever had.

While it lasted.

Get out.

When no one in the church directory would take me in,

my mom found a family friend

who offered a more... hands-on approach.

Let's go.

Bring your gear, boy.

You small and deaf?

I said bring your gear!

Who taught you how to use a knife?

We got lines to pull yet.

-Move it. -I'm trying!

-You talkin' back to me, boy? -I said I'm trying!

And I said you're talking back to me, boy!

Maybe nobody ever taught you any respect.

You ungrateful little bastard.

-Never disrespect me. -No. No. No!

What did I say?!

Never disrespect!

Oh, my heavens.

-Joey. -Jesus, Mary and Joseph, son.

My mom swore she didn't know.

But it didn't matter.

Something inside me had changed.

And no one would ever

knock me around like that again.

Not without a fight.

All you do is you stay at home all day!

I-I'm sorry.

Can I come in?

You... like grape?

They're my favorite.

Mine, too.

Thanks.

What happened to your eye?

My sister hit me with a Barbie doll.

Does it hurt?

Nah.

Can I ask you something?

Does it work?

What?

Praying.

I saw you through the door.

I hope so.

Don't worry.

We're safe in here.

You still think I'm creepy?

I guess you're not so bad.

Joe claims he fell in love with me at first sight.

It was his letters that made me fall in love with him.

They let me see the real Joe.

The one that wasn't always in trouble.

He has this sweet side that most people don't get to see.

Oh, I'm sure those letters are super cheesy.

No, they weren't!

No, they-they were what got me through those nights.

Knowing that... that you were there...

as much as you could be.

This is an expulsion, not a suspension.

Do you know the difference in those two words?

-Yeah, but is this necessary? -Just take care of it.

How 'bout you and me go camping this weekend?

Just the two of us.

Really?

You're not...

you're not mad at me?

No.

Yeah...

-That'd be cool. -Right.

We spent two whole days together,

cooking over a campfire,

looking up at the stars.

It was the first time I ever felt

like he was really my dad.

What's Mom doing?

Joey... there's something I gotta tell you.

What's going on?

Going on a little trip.

Mom, we just got back.

You're sending me away?

I thought we had a good time.

Joey, you're outta control.

It's the fighting, the suspensions.

And now you're getting expelled again?

You brought this on yourself.

Joey, get back here!

Please come back.

If he tries to hurt you...

...write to me. I'll find a way back. Okay?

I'm gonna marry you, remember?

Wait. Just a second.

-Joey, come on! -Just let him say goodbye.

I wish we'd never adopted him.

I'm sorry about the color.

I love the color.

Oh, what a moppy boy. Look at this kid.