LA to Vegas

- Ok. How about here? - No.

- And this one? - Uh-uh.

And this... Oh, yep. Okay.

Yeah. You have a serious abscess on tooth number 18.

How long has it been since you last saw the dentist?

- Um... four. - Months?

Years?

It's hard to find the time.

My job schedule is so unpredictable.

But my tooth has been killing me lately,

so my friend referred me here.

Really?

Your friend referred you here?

Well, she said you have great lollipops.

You are in luck. You've got the best dentist in our practice.

He's brilliant and gentle and handsome.

God, what I would give to have him in my mouth.

Oh... weird. That looks like a young...

Ronnie!

Nope.

Jackpot Airlines.

Northeast-bound to Las Vegas.

Cheers!

It's Ronnie!

What happened the other day?

Why did you run out on me?

I'm sorry, Artem. I was in shock.

I had no idea that when you're not gambling, you're a dentist.

I just assumed you were a guy who sold weird fruit

out the back of a tire store.

I'm sorry. Uh, did you say Artem is a dentist?

Yeah, pediatric dentist.

Here's my card.

Oh, the doll's head is there

so you remember I'm good with kids.

Well, this will be hard to ever, ever forget.

So when are you gonna reschedule?

No need. It's all fixed now.

Laughter and prayer.

It turns out, that's all you need.

Well, that's good it's better,

because if you still had that abscess,

flying now would be excruciating.

Uh... okay.

E-Excruciating how?

I'm asking for a friend.

At higher altitudes, trapped air in tooth expands

against the nerve, causing unbearable pain.

And I don't know why I'm telling you.

I should be telling this to your friend.

Are you this friend?

Damn it, you're fast.

I was captain of my high school hand-slap team.

No big deal.

No, Alan, that is a big deal.

I'm tired of you selling yourself short.

Hey. I had an idea.

This flight, why don't we keep our altitude, say,

below 10,000 feet?

Sorry, Ronnie. I don't tell this old girl how high to fly.

She tells me.

That's not how it works at all.

Alan, what did Dr. Becker say

about contradicting me in front of other people?

It's like, why do we go to therapy

if you're not even gonna try?

Beverage?

Hello, Bernard.

Captain Steve.

- Ow! - _

Ah, what is your face made of?

No, it's just "Steve" now, ever since I got suspended

for punching Captain Dave.

I lost everything that day.

My wife, my Miata, my mustache.

I didn't deserve it anymore,

so I shaved it off and buried it in the backyard.

Next to my dad.

Oh, I'm sorry for your losses.

So what are you doing here?

I'm going to Jackpot HQ to meet with the review board

about getting reinstated so I can get the life back

that you all took from me.

Well, we know you have a choice of airlines

when traveling to this or that disciplinary hearing,

so we thank you for choosing Jackpot.

Hey, that's weird. Uh, what are you doing?

Uh... I-I'm scanning my tooth on the WebMD app.

You're supposed to get an instant diagnosis.

And my tooth has... Lou Gehrig's disease.

Would it not be easier just to go to the dentist

every six months?

What am I, the Queen of England?

Every time I try to do something for myself, something comes up.

Like, I have to work an extra turn

or cover for a sick flight attendant.

Nichole gets it.

We're both active professionals on the go.

We don't have time for the dentist.

Oh, no. I go to the dentist every three months.

Teeth are very important to strippers.

It's the first thing customers notice.

No. Breasts.

It's breasts.

Ronnie, we have a problem.

Captain Steve is on the flight, and he's very bitter.

And not adorably bitter like a late-in-life Lena Horne.

Scary bitter like a late-in-life Bette Davis.

Love a reference from this century once in a while.

Hamilton.

This is not good. The last time

Captain Steve and Captain Dave were on a flight together,

it did not end well.

We can't let them anywhere near each other.

"We"? I've already done my part.

I identified the problem,

deflected it with a withering bon mot,

then kicked it over to you.

O-Okay, just don't let Dave anywhere near the cabin.

I'll try, but...

Oh, I'm sorry.

This just feels so good right now.

Hey there, passengers.

If you find yourself in Vegas on a Friday night,

why not celebrate the Sabbath the way Captain Dave does?

Praying the night away at Temple Beth Vegas,

where you'll find the best all-you-can-eat Oneg,

and the loosest slots this side of Haifa.

I'm gonna go do my rounds.

Kiss some hands and shake some babies.

Oh, hey, Bernie.

Hey.

What...?

Can I, uh... get through?

Um... you know what I just realized?

You never told me what it was like going vegan.

Oh, I am so glad you asked.

You see, Bern, if you stretch

the human digestive tract

and lay it next to that of a true omnivore,

like a grizzly bear, there's only one conclusion:

we're herbivores, my friend.

Can I get through?

Sorry, we're going to be doing beverage service indefinitely.

Why don't you sit down and go back to your... Doobie Brothers,

or whatever?

Doobie Brothers? Please.

This Discman only plays Seger.

Mainly 'cause it's been stuck closed since 2004.

Excuse me, miss.

Could I get a diet soda?

Uh-huh.

This is all foam.

Okay, you know what?

Why don't you just take the can?

Beverage service today is if you're thirsty.

We should have talked about that at the airport

and that is something.*

Of course after 8 days of no erections

I realized I needed some*

So, I came back in the stake.

And now, I*

Ah! Oh no!

We have a Ronnie down!

Make way, I'm a captain.

Make way, I'm a captain.

Captain Steve.

Captain Dave.

I'm okay.

Oh, crap.

What the hell are you doing

on my plane?

It's not your plane.

Your name isn't Dave Jackpot.

It is on several dating websites.

You don't know.

I know you ruined me the moment

you ran your weird face into my fist.

You're lucky that was a sucker punch.

If it had been a real fight, I would've given you

a one-way ticket to Pain Island.

you.

I'm standing right here. Now's your chance.

No, I'm on duty. Unlike some people,

I don't fight my passengers.

That's fine. I can wait till we land.

How long's your turnaround?

- An hour. - Perfect.

Gives me a half hour to warm up,

ten minutes to kick your ass

and 20 minutes to high-five all my fans.

That is, of course, unless you're scared.

The only thing I'm scared of is your naked under-nose.

Have some respect, and cover that thing up.

- It's on. - Oh, it's on.

Lost luggage room, 3:00 p.m.

Barring any weather delays.

Oh, of course.

- What's the wind shear at today? - About 20 knots.

That's not so bad.