Dick Dynamite: 1944

Los! Los!

Put her with the others.

Please don't kill them

Was?!

Who in FUCK said that?!

Was?!

It was you.

Don't kill them.

Well...

I don't know about you but...

that sounded rather like...

an order.

Come on!

Put them in the chamber!

Oh!

Watch this!

It's always my Favourite bit.

Nicole!

Nein!

Nicole!

Let her go!

Nicole!

Do you still want us not to kill the children?

Do something

they are nearly upon us.

What?!

Kill me

Kill me

Kill me

Ok.

You two

with me!

Men!

Kill the children.

You may laugh now

But there is a man

A legend

He will tear you apart from your anus to your sack

A man born with balls so big they thought it was twins

He's capable of bringing down your precious Reich with one smush of his fist.

The man.

The legend.

DICK DYNAMITE.

Isla flee!

Raus!

Fuck off!

You killed my men!

Now

I fuck you!

Go ahead Americunt!

Make

mein tag!

Tag

you're it!

It's excelent weather for dying

Or not to die

You...

you can't do this!

We're Americans!

We Americans take no shit!

and if you think you're gonna get away with this...

Guards!

You're wrong!

Shoot this pig shit swine!

Look at them all lined up like that.

I guess that's why they call it...

death row.

hahahaaa

You Germans aren't known for your sense of humor.

My jokes however

are perfectly executed.

Sorry about what happened to your boyfriend...

He had a na

What's the matter Neilson...

Your wife not washed your pants since Manchuria?

That was a long time ago Dick

and if it wasn't for me

you'd still be pig-deep in ballshit

from the Kwantung.

Still beats being a room mate of baldy here.

His farts could be bottled and sold as a weapon to the Nazi's.

Well it's good to see you've still got a sense of humor Dick.

Even the night before your execution.

Since when did killing Germans become a crime?

That and a fuck tonne of other shit

PROCTOR!

The mutilation of Joseph Mengele's genitals.

Three counts of unnecessary and ultra-violent torture. In one instance...

sewing a certain Colonel Wagners rectum shut...

and feeding him his own guard dogs.

Dick

we are offering you the deal of a lifetime.

We're gonna send you on a death-defying mission

that's going to overture your court martial.

Needless to say

this conversation never happened...

and if you make it back from said mission

Your record will be wiped clean and there will be no more catalog of these heinous crimes.

Isn't that right Dr. Proctor?

Well I have no recollections of any such events ever having taken place.

Personally Dick...

I'd like to thank you.

I think your actions are quite commendable.

The sheer...

volume of your fatalities

it does wonders for our troops moral.

If it were up to me

I'd give you a fucking medal.

And what if I say no?

It's a death sentence either way.

Oh and uh...

Dick

If you get to split Eva Braun in two...

Just promise me a sniff of your fingers.

What about me?!?

I landed behind enemy lines

without a parachute.

That mother fucker can't even fight sleep.

Smell my fingers mother fucker.

I already fucked Eva Braun.

EAT SHIT!!!

Dick Dynamite

I'm agent Steele.

Sheesh that's a hell of a handshake.

This here

is officer Wakoffski.

It's Wakowski.

If you don't mind gentlemen time is of the fucking essence.

Pardon my French.

Our intelligence team recently intercepted this film canister.

Many people died to bring us this.

What you're seeing here is the Nazis top secret blueprints

for what we are calling - the Uber Bomber.

Also known as...

We believe the Nazis are constructing the biggest jet propelled plane

the world has ever seen.

Capable of flying long range distances

the Uber Bomber can easily make it to the East Coast

and is carrying a payload capable

of flattening Manhattan.

Due to an increase in enemy activity just a few miles from here

British intelligence indicates that the enemy bomber

is being constructed along the Austrian/German border

where we will drop you and your team.

Unfortunately we can make our move until we have solid proof.

That's why we are sending in you and your team comprising of...

First up, the Alabama arsonist - Napalm Jeff.

Next up The loud arse mouth-piece that is Franky Jenetti, also know as 'Brooklyn.

son of the notorious prohibition gangster Vinnie Jenetti

he picked up his skills with a Tommy Gun at the age of six

Ruthlessly mowing down in cold blood the con artist known as Garry Crease.

Then we've got Tam 'The Bam' Tamson, the mad Scots Brigadier.

A vile rat of a man who specializes in torture tactics.

Although one whiff of his breath is usually enough to do the job.

Next up

Doctor Raymond Kirby

also known as 'Doc'.

Doc won a Victoria cross for stapling Prince Edwards foreskin

back on during the battle of Somme.

Next up...

Lucas from Tucas.

Mad as an otter but put a knife in his hands and he thinks he's Leonardo Da-fuckin' Vinci.

and lastly...

Mother-Fucker.

Despite having a high IQ of over 165 he possesses two words in his vocabulary.

'Mother'...

and 'fucker'.

Dick Dynamite... you and your dirty-half-a-dozen are gonna escort Wakoffski to the site

to get concrete evidence of the bomber and back again

before you can say Adolf's your auntie.

At oh-eight hundred hours, we're going to drop you sausage-side

where you are to liase with British agent

and defer all command to him.

The project is being overseen by a one 'Maximillion Stacker'

When it comes to unusurped violence - he is Hitlers right hand man

almost acting like his own personal Rottweiler.

That was the good news...

NOW

Listen up for the bad news

Get this

we believe that tomorrow...

is gonna be dick-day

If you don't already know there is a rogue group of German snipers

already operating in that area

referring to themselves

as 'The Black Wolf'.

These sick bastards collect body parts as trophies

and swap cigarettes as part of the sick competition.

Every day of the week...

they target a different limb

Last time

we had over 16 casualties in the area

All of them died as a result of their pain inflicted penises.

What a way to go.

The group are lead by the most dangerous sniper in Europe - known as 'Mutti'.

During a stand off with one of our top commandos

he managed a one in a million shot

straight through the snipers barrel

exploding the snipers round burning off his flesh.

ladies & gentlemen, that concludes our mission briefing.