Samuel the Boy Prophet

So, I did it.

I finally did it.

Congratulations!

You finally came aboard the manscaping train.

No. What? I bought a bed.

Oh, you can... you can stand up when you manscape.

You'll find out.

Brian, I actually bought, like, a real bed.

Like, I got rid of the baby bed.

Hey, all right! I'm proud of you!

Finally stretching out like a real man.

You go king? Cali King?

No, it's like a... a daybed, pull-out bed kind of thing.

But, you know, I had to fit it in my living room.

So, no baby bed, but still baby steps. That's okay.

Hey, I'm wondering if you can pick it up for me.

Julia's out of town this week and we've got some new clients

pitching to us in a couple of days.

Yeah, sure. I can do that.

- I'll even assemble it for you. - What?

I'm gonna call you back.

What?

Get out of this line, now.

No way. I've been in it for 20 minutes.

As long as no one challenges the plumbing,

I'll be a new woman in another five.

Just trust me, please?

This. Changes. Everything.

Oh, my God, this smells amazing.

Like wandering through an English garden

after a summer rain.

"Threesome Slam."

Yup. This definitely Julia's bathroom.

Who else knows about this?

No one.

I only told you.

It can be our secret.

Thanks.

I may sound like I'm exaggerating,

but this really is the single greatest gift

anyone has ever given me ever.

Wow, really?

Well, I mean, this is nothing.

Wait till you see what I got planned for Christmas.

- (chuckles) - I mean, I have gotten jewelry,

-plane tickets, a car... -Yeah, I'm just gonna quit while I'm ahead

with just the one bathroom.

But an empty bladder and the confidence

to drink a Big Gulp... That, Kevin, that is a gift.

Well, good. You know, I'm... I'm happy to have given it.

- Let's enjoy it. - Oh, my God.

This is warm. Lean against this with me right now.

Your butt will never be the same.

- More wine? - No thanks.

Okay, girl, it's almost 2:00 p.m. and that's only your second glass.

What's wrong?

I don't want to talk about it.

Bye, everyone!

I'm just really annoyed at Dev.

He spends so much time on his stupid doctor stuff

and the rest of his time on his DJ playlist,

but he doesn't spend any time on me.

Like, on top of me.

It's classic doctor DJ behavior.

I don't know how much more I can take.

I know I'm usually not very vocal about this,

but I have needs.

Girl, I hear you.

You know, I once dated a shaman who put

his career before me.

He thought it was his mission to heal the world.

- Ugh. So selfish. - Yeah.

So, I threatened to break up with him.

Suddenly, he's all about me 24/7.

We did so much Ayahuasca, he thought he was a blowfish

and almost drowned in the bathtub.

It was really spiritual.

So, you think I should threaten to break up with Dev?

Oh, up to you.

I'm just saying, you know, men only respond

to one thing... Emotional manipulation.

Pour me some of that great idea juice, girl.

There's my girl.

Keep goin'.

Both: (giggling)

Both: Mmm.

Whoo!

Both: (giggling)

- Audrey: (giggles) - Kevin: Wow.

I'm so happy you're doing this for Kevin.

God, I'm so sick of hearing him whine about his bed.

It's just like when we were kids.

You know, in fifth grade, he dislocated his pinky

playing catch with my dad... Whined about it for months.

Damn! Your dad must have an arm on him.

Oh, no. The ball was on the ground.

Kevin's pinky bent backwards when he picked it up.

Stop it right now.

That's... that's the funniest thing I've ever heard.

Oh, it gets better. For, like, a year after,

whenever anyone would ask him to play catch,

he would lie and say he had a heart murmur to get out of it.

- Both: (laughing) - (phone rings)

Well, now look who it is. Hello?

Brian.

Kevin, is that you?

I can't hear you over your fake heart murmur.

Did Roxie tell you that? It's not fake.

It's self-diagnosed, okay? There's a difference.

Anyway, I just... (laughs) Something kind of amazing

happened at work today with Audrey.

Oh, yeah? You guys kiss?

Nope.

I found a hidden bathroom.

Where you guys kissed?

No. I just told Audrey about it

and now the two of us know about it.

It's actually kind of romantic.

Ah.

We really bonded over it.

It's like we have a thing now.

- (door slams) - Hey, what are you doing?

- (hardware clattering) - Hey, what are you doing?

Stop! That's not right!

My life is over!

- Kev, I gotta go. - What happened?

- Girl... - Roxie: What happened?

I told Dev I want to break up with him

and he agreed with me!

So, now we're broken up.

Got any other great mind games

for a doctor who takes everything at face value?

Ugh! I can't believe this.

That's never happened before.

God, it's like he's rational or something.

I know! I hate him.

This can't be happening.

We've been together for over two whole weeks.

I can't start over now!

Aww, my poor Patti Cakes.

-That was Devy's sexy-time name for me. -Aww. Come here.

No, don't go.

I need you.

Get comfortable, girl.

I do sad hard.

What about long?

Do you do sad... long?

That's cool.

I'll... I guess I'll go buy the little felt circle things

that go underneath the feet.

- (sobbing) - Aww, poor girl.

This. Changes. Everything.

Bad news.

Ricky knows about our bathroom.

This sucks.

- Kevin? - I don't know how he found out.

Unless he already knew? But we were so careful...

Kevin, I told Ricky.

What? Why?

I'm so sorry. I had no choice.

Audrey: Earlier this morning,

I snuck into Julia's bathroom to restock the soaps

and I made sure no one saw me.

Or so I thought...

- What were you doing in there? - I was just check...

Did Julia ask you to go in there?

- No. I was just... - What are you hiding?

Nothing. I swear.

I don't even know what you're talking about.

Oh, I think you know.

I think you know lots of things...

and I'm not leaving...

until you tell me all the fun little things

that I think you know.

I had to tell him. He gets crazy when he's out of the loop.

You know how he lost it on Simon

when he found out he got rid of our Saturday mail pick-up.

This can't sit in the outbox until Monday.

How am I supposed to get Grown Ups 2

if I can't return Grown Ups 1?

I don't know.

I think you know.

I think you know lots of things...

Well, if Ricky knows, it's only a matter of time

before everyone else does, too.

He said he wanted to start interviewing

bathroom attendants, so...

yeah, it's safe to say he's going wide with it.