In Living Color

Ladies, thank you for giving up your lunch hour...

to attend this seminar on sexual harassment in the workplace.

Now please join me in welcoming the head...

of the, uh, School of Self-defense in Hollywood...

Mr. Sweet Tooth Jones.

Now, normally, I don't work for the man.

But word on the street is that some cats been jivin' y'all at the file cabinet.

They up to no damn good.

- Actually, Mr. Tooth... - That's Sweet Tooth, sister.

- Right on. - Stay loose, kittens.

Lay your number on me, sister. What's the scene?

Okay, so, I'm at the filing cabinet, right?

- Oh, I dig. - L-I'm bending over to get a file and someone grabbed my rear.

- I mean they just, like, grabbed it. - I heard that.

Well, I'm lookin' at your booty now, uh, Snow White, look at that.

Round as Pam Grier's in Coffy.

Did you see Coffy?

Sheba, Baby. Cleopatra Jones. Say what, baby?

Well, wait a minute. What do I do next time it happens?

'Cause I really don't like it that much.

Let me tell you somethin'. If you're too uptight to groove...

and the dude won't get off your tail...

Check this. Step up. Let's do this. Come on. Demo time.

You got to arch that. Arch that.

- There you go, Queen Bee. - Say, mama.

Why don't we go on back to my office and you can take some dictation?

Up yours, jive turkey.

- Any questions? - Excuse me, Mr. Sweet Tooth.

Why did you attack the girl?

Do unto others, before you get your butt whipped.

- - Excuse me. What are you talking about?

What am I talkin' about? I'm talking about straight, "unadultered" kung fu, baby.

Somethin' you probably don't know nothin' about. Now, don't get me wrong.

Oh!

Let's go. Scenario número "B." Let's go.

I dig your groovy boots, white mama.

How'd you like to climb up my corporate ladder.

Back off, jive turkey.

- Excuse me. - You got any questions?

You've just beaten this woman up twice. What lesson are we learning?

My visually vicious, yet totally painless attacks on this woman...

are but a metaphor for life.

You got to watch your back.

Totally painless? You know nothing about karate.

Hey! And I never said I did.

- I'm a fight choreographer out of Hollywood. - That's right, you are.

And I know Townsend and them.

But I can really thrown down. You wanna see?

Huh, you want some of this, mama? Come on. Huh?

- - Tamara Dobson was Cleopatra Jones.

What the hell?

Hey, hey, hey.

Damn.

Damn, Red!

Man, get off me and start the music, man.

See what I'm sayin'?

- You wanna go get some lunch, man? - Come on, man.

Let's go get some lunch, man. Do the rock.

Robot.

Good foot.

You think you're tough, don't you, Ken, huh?

Well, here's your wake-up call.

Excuse me. Uh, hi. Are you the guidance counselor?

- Have a seat. - Okay, thanks.

- Name's Ed Bacon. What's your name, son? - Uh, John. John.

- John? - Yeah.

Let me just get out theJohn file.

- Yeah. - John.

- Yeah, John Sa... - John. John.

John with no "H." What do you know?

There's 200 freakin' Johns in this school.

Hey, maybe you're one of the lucky ones...

whose dad actually stuck around long enough to give him a last name.

It's Sanders! John Sanders! John Sanders!

S-A-N-D-E-R-S. John Sanders with an "S" at both ends.

Sanders.

Uh, "J" Sanders. Here we are.

It's comin' right up here.

Take-Take your time. You seem tense.

- I'm just fine. - Okay.

- John. - All righty.

Now, John...

according to this, you've been spending a lot of time in art class there.

Yeah, I'm, uh... I'm hoping to be a painter.

- Interesting. - Yeah.

- What about the Marines, son? - The Marines?

I'm just suggesting that because you seem a little poofy to me.

A little sweet in the pants, you know what I mean?

Yup, I'd definitely say the Marines are for you, John.

Make you tough. Take a shot at me. Come on!

It'll be good for you, John. It'll be real good for you.

All right, Mr. Bacon, you can spit on my dreams if you want to...

but, uh, I'm gonna show you and everybody.

Uh, someday I'm gonna... I'm gonna be a painter.

Well, then.

By all means, paint.

Just paint your sissy little heart out.

Hell, I've just been doing this for 15 years. What do I know, huh?

- I'm an idiot, right? - I didn't...

Get outta my sight.

Get out!

And don't call me from the homeless shelter either!

Everything all right? Uh, what's with John?

I guess he just had a little bite from the big reality sandwich...

and he started to choke on it.

- Who are you? - Uh, Donita Clark. You sent for me.

Right. Donita.

I've been looking over your file.

I see you've been studying ballet lessons for 14 years.

That's right. I'm gonna be a ballet dancer.

I'm gonna spend the summer in London studying at the Royal Academy.

Big mistake. Have a seat, Donita.

I've taken a personal interest in your career.

Now, why would you want to go all the way to London...

when you could pursue your dream...

- right here in the States? - How?

As a stripper. There's good money in strippin'.

I don't care. I'm gonna be a ballet dancer.

Wake up, Donita!

You're not very pretty and you're not very smart.

So you can thank your lucky stars that God gave you such a great rack.

It's your choice, Donita, strip or starve.

Mr. Baker!

Now, now, Donita.

I know this seems harsh...

but I'm tellin' you now...

because in 10 years, those knockers of yours...

are gonna be down around your ankles.

That's what happens with big ones like yours.

It's a little law called gravity, Donita.

Now, here's what I want you to do.