PCU

This--this is something, man.

This is our generation, man.

All you people, we're all together, man, it's groovy.

And dig yourselves. It's really groovy.

* You don't hear no sounds, but dig this *

* Yeah

* Yeah

* Yeah, OK, then--hey *

* Hey, man

* Yeah, dig, brother

* Groovy, groovy

* Hey, what's up? Hey, we got some--hey *

* Yeah, OK, let's--hey

* Hey, man

* Yeah, dig, brother

* Groovy, groovy

* Groovy, groovy *

* Groovy, groovy

* Groovy, groovy

* Groovy, groovy

* Groovy, groovy

* Groovy, groovy *

* Yeah, dig, brother *

Hello?

* Groovy, groovy

* Groovy, groovy

* Groovy, groovy

* Groovy, groovy *

Fuck!

Oh, yeah.

Shit. Fuse box again.

I got it last time.

I know.

Um...

Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Is James Andrews around?

What are you, a narc?

No, no, no. I'm a pre-frosh.

I'm just looking for James Andrews.

Heads up!

James Andrews...

Oh, Droz. He's in the hole, room two.

Um...where--

The basement.

Come on. Follow me.

End of the hall.

Ahem.

Go ahead.

Last door on the left.

Hello?

Uh...

James?

Uh, excuse me.

Ooh.

Uh...

Uh...

Coffee.

Coffee now!

There.

All right, what do you need,

bottle rockets, dental dams, reddi-whips?

Term papers?

Um, actually, no, no, no.

I'm Tom Lawrence. I'm a pre-frosh.

I'm just up here at Port Chester

just to see if I want to go here.

What am I, a stop on the tour?

Actually, um,

admissions arranged for me

to spend the night at your frat.

Gee, Scooter, frats were banned in the sixties.

They were?

Let me see that.

I don't believe this.

I've been pimped by admissions.

OK.

Want some advice?

Well, yeah.

Here's all you need to know:

classes--nothing before 11:00;

beer--your best friend, you drink a lot of it;

women--you're a freshman,

so it's pretty much out of the question.

Will you have a car? Um, no.

Someone on your hall will.

Find them and make friends with them on the first day.

Anything else?

Yeah. Um...

look, uh,

can anyone just, uh,

live in these big houses with--with girls?

Times have changed in the past 30 years, Tomas.

We no longer swill sherry

and screw goats for fun anymore.

I'd love to tell you about it, but...

Should I just leave my stuff in your room?

Uh, no.

Look, I'd like to help you out,

but we're cutting in on my nap time as it is.

But the good news is

I've got just the guy for the job.

Yo, Gut, what's up, baby?

What's up, Droz?

Got any smokes, baby?

No, man, last one.

Listen, Tom-man--

Tom-man here is a pre-frosh.

I told him you'd show him around.

No can do.

Whoa, Gut, can't or won't?

Can't, man.

It's grunge night at Vienna House.

The Merkins are opening

for Frog and Toad Are Friends.

I got to psych up for the show.

Frog and Toad Are Friends,

that's with the guy from the Clash, right?

The? The Clash.

I don't know if you're aware of this, Gutter,

but there actually was music

recorded before 1989.

What is this?

You're wearing this to the show?

You're gonna wear the shirt

of the band you're gonna go see?

Don't be that guy.

Hey! Dave!

Dave, Dave! What's up, my brothers?

Here we go. Very quickly,

just a quick moment of--

It's all right. Mullaney.

What's up? Good to see you.

Is this a pre-frosh?

Yes, it is.

You showing him around?

Actually-- You know,

that's really swell.

Now, you gotta make sure he gives you

the special bicentennial tour, 200 years of bullshit.

You little bitch.

Yep, now we're even for the milk bones.

You signed me up as a weekend host.

You swing bag.

Sucker.

Milk bones?

Spring Break, I filled his suitcase with dog biscuits

coming back from Jamaica.

Drug-sniffing dogs went ape shit.

I got one more idea.

Pigman!

Pigman!

What's he doing?

He's finishing his senior thesis.

Pigman is trying to prove the Caine/Hackman Theory.

No matter what time it is,

24 hours a day, you can find

a Michael Caine or a Gene Hackman movie

playing on TV.

Wait, that's his thesis? Yes!

That's the beauty

of college these days, Tommy.

You can major in Game Boy if you know how to bullshit.

Have a seat, there's the TV.

Pigman's got you covered.

Call me for the shower scene in Dressed To Kill.

Um...

What?

Did I tell you that I'm from Delaware?

Really?

Well, I mean, I just spent 6 hou--

6 hours on a public bus

just to come to Port Chester

to decide if I want to come here.

So, you know, maybe I should see the campus

or, you know, like, a pep rally

or a tailgate party. OK, OK.

OK, OK. I-- I've got it.

Here's the deal.

You gotta get all this fifties cornball shit

out of your head.

It's a whole new ball game on campus these days,

and they call it PC.

PC?

Politically Correct,

and it's not just politics, it's everything.

it's what you eat, it's what wear,

and it's what you say.

And if you don't watch yourself,

you can get in a butt-load of trouble.

For instance, see these girls?

Yeah.

No, you don't. Those are women.

You call them girls, and they'll pop your figs.

Save the whales.

Gays in the military now!

Free Nelson Mandela.

They freed him already.

What?

Those women?