South Park

Oh, my God!

Isn't it awesome having an iPad, you guys?

Hey, Bebe, where's your iPad?

Oh, right. You're not cool enough.

Hey, hey, you see my iPad, Token?

Funny, you don't seem to have one.

I thought your family was rich!

You dumbasses have to play four square

'cause you don't have iPads!

Oh, what should I do on my iPad next?

Think I'll email some of my friends.

Oh, no, wait.

Maybe I'll download some more cool apps!

This is so awesome!

Tom Saltzman says you don't really have an iPad.

What?

Tom Saltzman says you just glued a piece of glass

to an iPad cover and you're faking it.

Tom Saltzman's dad is an alcoholic

who drinks and drives!

Let me see your iPad, Cartman.

Seriously, you guys,

Tom Saltzman's dad is a drunk driver!

He's the one who ran over Joey Potts' dog

because Joey Potts doesn't know how to take care of his animals,

which is why he gets beat by his mom.

Just let us see your iPad, Cartman.

No, because the batterys dead.

It just ran out of power.

- So plug it in. - I left my charger at home!

Fine!

I'm gonna go home and charge my iPad and bring it tomorrow,

and you guys are gonna feel really stupid!

Well, good going, Mom.

You've completely screwed me over!

What happened, Eric?

You said I had to wait till my birthday to get an iPad,

so the one I rubbed in everyone's faces today

isn't real, and tomorrow everyone's gonna call me a liar.

Would you mind loaning me some of your lipstick, Mom?

Because I want to at least look pretty

the next time you decide to fuck me!

You see?

And then I can take all my homework on my iPad

and swipe it over to my iPhone.

Uh, yeah, Apple stuff is pretty neat, all right.

I just don't want any big company

tracking where I am at all times.

Aw, that's just a rumor. They don't really track you.

Here he is!

Hello, Kyle. We're from Apple.

We're all ready for you now.

What? Ready for what?

To fulfill the agreement.

Can we get a weight, please?

- 83 pounds, sir. - What agreement?

83 pounds, good. Let's get the blood work.

Hey, you can't do that!

You agreed we could take all the blood we needed.

What are you talking about?

A window on your screen popped up

and asked you if you agreed to our terms and conditions.

You clicked "Agree."

All right, let's get him to the water tank.

The water tank? I'm not going with you!

You've agreed to all of this!

Hey!

You guys! You got to help me!

These business casual G-men are trying to kidnap me!

- What? - It's crazy, dude!

They're saying it's because I agreed

to the latest terms and conditions on iTunes!

Why?

What did the terms and conditions

for the last update say?

I don't know. I didn't read them.

You didn't read them?

Who the hell reads that entire thing

every time it pops up?

- I do. - Me too.

You're telling me that every time

you guys download an update for iTunes,

you read the entire terms and conditions?

Of course.

Well, how do you know if you agree to something

if you don't read it?

Well, I turned off all my Apple stuff.

They can't locate you

if you don't have your stuff on, right?

There he is! Hey, you!

Dad!

Dad, I need a lawyer!

Kyle, what are you doing here?

Dad, if you agree to something

but you didn't mean to agree to it, what do you do?

Well, Kyle, it's always

the agreeing party's responsibility

to know what they are signing.

But it's, like, eight pages long,

and they send me a new one, like, every three weeks!

- How can they know if I- - Calm down, Kyle.

It's okay. You're safe with Daddy.

Here he is.

- - Come on, you!

Hey, what the heck is going on?

Your son has made a binding

and legal agreement with Apple, sir.

An agreement to do what?

Apple's inner workings are top secret to all users.

You know how it is.

No, I don't know how it is. I use a PC.

You what?

Come on, let's go!

Hey, now, let him go-Aah!

Dad! You Tasered my dad!

You said we could.

Okay, Wi-Fi plus 3G, 64 gig.

This one, this one! - Oh, sweetie, $900?

I can't wait to see the look on Kyle's stupid face

when he sees my iPad has more memory than his.

Eric, we can't afford that one.

Well, you don't expect me to get the Wi-Fi only

16-gig version, do you?

I think we need to get you a different brand, hon.

They're a little cheaper.

Mom, everyone knows

that everything but Apple is stupid.

Here, look at this one.

Toshiba Handibook.

Toshiba Handibook?

This says it does everything the iPad does

at half the price.

Mom, do not screw me over again!

If I take that thing to school,

everyone's gonna think I'm a poverty-stricken asshole!

Eric, stop acting like a spoiled brat.

You can either have the Toshiba Handibook,

or you can have nothing at all.

Oh, I've got a better idea.

Why don't you go across the street

and buy some condoms?

Because we should at least be safe

if you're gonna fuck me, Mom.

Eric!

You might as well go buy some cigarettes too,

because I like to have a smoke

after I get good and fucked.

You want to fuck me, Mom? Just say so!

Go ahead! Here!

Huh? Go ahead, Mom. Fuck me!

Fuck me right here in the Best Buy.

You want to fuck your son so bad?

Go on, Mom. Fuck me! Fuck me!

Stop crying, Eric.

I told you if you kept acting up,

you weren't getting anything.

But I told you I was sorry.

You made me look like some sort of child molester

in front of all those people!

I wasn't trying to get you in trouble.

Then why did you go outside to a police officer

and say, "Help, help!

My mom is trying to fuck me"?

Oh, wait. I get it now.

The F word is a no-no word,

and I shouldn't say it around other people.

I'm sorry, Mama.

If you're really sorry,

then you'll understand why you aren't getting anything.

Well, no, that doesn't really

have any logical sense, Mommy,

because I'm already being punished

by not getting the iPad... Mama.

Please can we just go back and get the Toshiba Handibook?

No!

Well, then could we at least pull up here

and get some dinner?

'Cause I liked to be wined and dined

after I've been fucked!

What are you gonna do to us?

What is this? What's going on?

You-you agreed to the iTunes

terms and conditions too?

What?

I just clicked "Agree." I didn't read it.

I was in a hurry, you see,

and I-I didn't know what I was agreeing to!

I can't even read English!

Hey, shut up in there!

You all agreed to stay quiet.

Hey! Hey, let me out of here!

This is a mistake! I agreed by accident!