Flutter

Why are you doing this to us?

I'm not gonna kill him.

I can't!

Some people are casual gamblers.

They just enjoy the occasional flutter.

For me, it's about playing the odds,

taking a calculated risk.

Morning. It lives.

Barely.

I take it we didn't win.

If we'd have won, I would've woke you.

So who won? Magnetic Moll.

Top of the head, nine to four.

Well, let's hope you have some better luck tonight.

- It's not luck. It's a science. - Whatever you say, dear.

Oh, fuckin' hell!

What's wrong? What have you done?

I feel I've cracked a tooth.

Well, you shouldn't read and eat, should you?

Can we sue 'em?

There's a disclaimer on the box,

and the apple's blue to stop idiots eating it.

Got a new client the other day. He's a dentist. You should go and see him.

- You know I hate going to the dentist. - Stop moaning. Just go see him.

I'll call you later. All right?

All right. Bye.

11:37 AM. I've got bets on dogs across the country.

Southern Terry, Here Today, Contact Man, Baron Dom and Magic Christian,

all to win.

12:10. Fourth, third, sixth and second.

Down another 250. Tooth feels like it's been split in half.

One last chance.

12:15. Photo finish.

Second.

What I need now is a good tip.

This way, Mr. Marlowe.

Oh.

First time's a charm.

Nancy, would you prepare the GIC?

Thanks.

I don't think that should take too much to fix.

You into dog racing then?

As a matter of fact, I am. Why? You a greyhound man yourself?

Yeah, I, uh, enjoy the occasional flutter every now and then.

Well, I have two passions in my life...

dentistry and dogs.

Or canines and canines.

So to speak.

Funny.

No, my practice affords us...

a small but, if I may say so, successful kennel.

You can always tell our dogs because...

we've named them after teeth.

We have The Incisor. We have Lower Molar.

Come to think of it, we have a young bitch running tonight...

named after the very tooth you damaged...

Upper Wisdom. Really?

- She worth a go then? - I'd say. Go ahead and rinse.

She's drawn the inside.

Nothing'll catch her.

And there it was.

A tip straight from the dentist's mouth.

How could I possibly ignore that?

All right, John. Thanks, mate.

There's only one place you can make the most of a good tip.

That's the track. That's where you'll find the serious money.

All right, John? Evenin', fellas.

All right, John? Terry.

All right. What you reckon?

No, mate, it's a mutt. No stamina over that distance. Fair enough.

Whereas that is a much better dog than they're letting on.

In fact, I'm gonna have a piece of that. Nice one.

All right, Zaf, mate. What you doin' on the five dog in the 8:30?

I'll do you six to four. Yeah, go on.

There you go.

Thanks, mate.

You all right, John? Usual? Yeah.

Busy night, innit? Yeah. Can't complain, mate.

Adrian's upstairs.

No, you're all right.

Yes, mate?

Told ya. Yeah. Cheers, mate.

"Friends and relatives in the world of show biz were shocked and distressed yesterday... "

Don't start.

"by the sudden death of the comedian Hank Hardy, who passed away on Tuesday. "

Hank Hardy. You're fucking kidding me.

Basic rule of having a death pool... never choose the pope.

It's a novice's mistake, John.

I'm surprised at you.

Well, you're not getting paid now. All my money's tied up.

Charming.

Well, shall we adjourn to the track?

Form please, Wagner!

In the 7:30 dog six is the favorite.

He's not very good in the wet. There's gonna be five dogs.

This race is classed as a grade-A4 race.

If you look at the form, he's doing way better...

What the fuck is that? What's what?

That's Stan's spot. What's she done with Stan?

- She's better looking than Stan. - I've run things over that are better looking than Stan.

I'll go and investigate, shall I?

The dogs are out now for our fourth race on the race card.

It's the 8:15... Danny Chapman and Wedding Stakes.

Distance tonight is 480 meters and is classed as a grade-A2 race.

All right?

Where's Stan?

What?

- I said, where's Stan? - I'm Stan.

No, Stan was fat and bald,

and you're... you're neither of those things.

I'm the new Stan.

So where's the old Stan?

He had some, uh, bad luck.

All right, what are you, uh... what are you doing on Upper Wisdom?

- Do you tens. - Yeah, all right. I'll have some of that.

Eight hundred to win.

I'm John.

I'll have number two dog, please.

Isn't Stan a bit of an odd name for a woman?

Considering your name means "toilet," I don't think you're one to judge.

What you doing on trap five?

Do you fours.

Won't be too long till they're off now.

- So? - What was she like?

Well, she's American, and that's Stan.

That's not Stan. Stan was fat and bald. That's what I said.

But that's the new Stan, and she's offering tens on Upper Wisdom...

when everyone else was offering nines.

- You can't argue with that, can you? - Upper Wisdom? You're mad!

- She's got no form. - What, at tens, mate?

I hate those printed receipts.

All the fucking poetry's been drained out of this sport.

Here we go.

Away they go!

Come on, come on, come on.

Oh, look out!

Come on. Come on.

Fuckin' hell. £8,000.

Number two, Lover's Charm.

You could at least have the decency to gloat, rub it in a bit.

Come on. We would.

8,000, plus your stake... £8,800.

Fuck me. Look at all that money.

I almost feel guilty taking this much off of you.

- Could always give it back. No, you're all right.

Come on then.

Least you can do is buy us all a curry. Yeah, why not?

Thanks.

Gonna buy me one too?

I mean, you did take all my money.

It doesn't seem right, a woman being a bookie.

Why not? It isn't natural.

Actually, it's a wonderful thing.

All I do is bat my eyelashes and I take double the money of any other bookie.

I wouldn't bet with someone just 'cause they were a woman.

Yes, you would.

Yeah. Yeah, I probably would, yeah.

Who's the lucky girl?

Uh, that's Helen. She's, uh... She's great.

Gonna treat her to something nice with your winnings?

Yeah, of course.

Have to keep the little lady happy, huh?

But the whole point is that the injury has to be caused by negligence.

So? Negligence by your employer.

We have to prove it was their fault. Then we can claim compensation.

Mmm.

You've already stated that at lunchtime you drank in excess of nine pints of lager...

and that your fall was "almost certainly a result of your 'intoxification'."

So how exactly is that negligence by your employer?

They shouldn't have asked me to do any work in that state. I was hammered.

Where were you last night?

I'm sorry, love.

Things got a bit stupid, and I ended up on Adrian's couch.

Oh, I see. With Wagner.

Promise.

I've got something to show you. Follow me.

Just look into my eyes. Follow me.

Don't trip off the curb. And sniff the roses.

What's all this? How much did we win?

It doesn't matter. Yes, it does. You know the rules.

Always tell Helen the truth.

So, how much?

Keep the change.

What?

"Congratulations, John. Hope you like champagne.

Enjoy yourself. Stan. "

Who's Stan?

It's the bookie I took to the cleaners.

So, why is he sending you gifts?

She. Stan's a woman.

And I've no idea.

So, you've been hanging about with strange women, have you?

Should I be worried?

- No. She's fat and bald. - Ha!

Hey, I'm not kidding. She is.

We could go somewhere hot.

Yeah? Look at that.

Looks like the Cook Islands.

Where is that again? I've no idea.

I just saw it on TV once.