Superstore

So the takeaway is, just never ask a customer

when she's due.

And, finally, some big news.

Are you ready for this?

How should we know?

Yeah, it kind of depends what the news is.

Guys, the more we talk about it,

the more it won't live up to the hype.

Let's just get it over with. Amy.

Thank you, Garrett.

The West Concord Mall...

is closing.

- Oh. - The mall's gone?

- Really? - That's crazy.

I lost my virginity there and a lipstick I really liked.

Wait, so you're telling me I have to go

all the way to the airport to get Sbarro's?

I got my ears pierced at the Claire's there,

and then that's where Emma got her ears pierced.

Can't wait to tell her that story

so she can say, "Cool story, Mom,"

without looking up from her cell phone.

Anyway... Glenn, are you okay?

- We did it, Dina. - We did it.

I've been fighting that mall for 40 years.

It undercut my dad's hardware store.

It darn near took this place under.

It took my youth.

It took my body.

In what sense?

I think the point is that from a business perspective,

this is really good news for us.

Oh, yeah, the death of retail...

that's great news for our store.

Sorry I'm late.

Carol. Hey, welcome back.

- New look. - New outlook.

Sedona changed everything for me.

Or maybe I should say it allowed me

to access the change that was already there.

I think we should drug-test her.

So I realized the best way to attract a mall crowd

is to mall this place up.

I had them spray a bunch of knockoff perfume everywhere.

I put some massage chairs over on the breezeway.

We're giving away free ear piercings,

and I had them bring in the water fountain

from the Garden Center.

The mall had all this stuff in one place?

Yeah, I mean, I'm working with what we have.

It's not like I can put a movie theater in here.

The mall had movies, too?

It sounds terrible. I'm glad it's gone.

And you know how mall walkers love their free food.

Well, I bumped up our sample stations.

- Guess how many. - You want me to guess how many

free sample stations you arranged?

Okay, never mind. It was dumb.

- I'm embarrassed. - I mean, I guess

- I got to say three. - Four.

- Four? - Is that a record?

I mean, corporate thought so.

It's badass you got them to okay that.

It's pretty cool, right?

Amy, it is so cool.

Oh, hey, man, Colleen and I went

to that Cuban place you recommended.

Oh, the place I said would be good for a double date.

So you... you two went, just, uh... just the two of you.

- Yeah. - Huh.

So I guess you didn't get to have the combo platter...

the signature dish, serves four.

No, we ordered that.

We just shared it with the couple sitting next to us.

- Great, that sounds fun. - Ugh.

How's the job search going?

Well, I need something that's cash only

and under the table,

and I'm not willing to clean anyone's garage

in my underwater, so my options are limited.

Well, you know, I-I could just front you a...

Thanks, but I'm not your charity case.

You want to feel good about yourself,

go teach some inner-city kids poetry.

Well, the joke's on you,

'cause they actually ended up teaching me, you know.

And... and it wouldn't be charity.

It's just an advance.

- You pay me back when you can. - I don't need any help.

I am gonna figure this out on my own.

So new subject, please.

So, uh, you guys watching

Family Vacation"?

I'm not really watching anything.

I mean, it's so hard to focus. I'm so worried about money.

- So just let me... - No.

There are so many extra bodies in here,

I had to call corporate and ask them

to turn the thermostat down.

They refused. But I bet we're raking it in.

You know, funny you should say that.

I just checked, and no.

No? How?

I mean, we have all this extra mall traffic.

Yeah, well, mall people don't buy, they hang.

I hate people that treat shopping like an adventure.

Give me a shut-in who needs a sponge.

Anyway, should we start rousting 'em?

Well, I'm not exactly sure what rousting entails,

but it wouldn't hurt to remind them

that the store is for customers only.

Nice, I'll go warm up for the rousting.

Sandra, get those kids off the massage chairs.

Those girls?

They look like they're from "Euphoria."

Well, they don't have to go back there.

They just have to get off the chairs.

"Euphoria's" a show.

Whatever, there's a bunch of teens in the café.

We can start there.

Okay, kids, if you're not gonna buy anything,

I'm gonna have to ask you...

Um, I got to pee, guys. I'll be right back.

Don't get me wrong. I like that you're here.

I just didn't think you'd ever want to hang out at your mom's work.

Well, I tried to get them to hang out

in the parking lot of Tony Rotundo's,

but people wanted Wi-Fi.

By the way, who are those girls?

Oh, those are my drug-dealer friends.

We sit in the pile of broken bottles by the bleachers.

You're... you're joking.

So am I. I'm in on this.

Yeah, well, they're seniors,

and they're finally letting me hang out with them.

And I was hoping you could be cool about this,

but, obviously...

No, no. I-I-I can be cool.

I'm being cool. Just hang out.

They won't even know I'm your mom.

You know, there's free samples. It's dumb.

Never mind. That's stupid.

But there are four stations, and one of them's hummus.

You love hummus.

Stop knowing what I like.

Ugh.

That's them.

Thanks for doing this,

but don't tell them I needed you.

Oh, I'm not even gonna mention you.

I mean, no offense, but it'd be really weird

if you came up.

Hey, guys.

Um, so I know this sucks, but it'd be really chill

if you could find somewhere else to hang out.

- "Chill"? - Yeah.

You know, so the customers can try these out

in case they want to buy them.

Sounds chill.

I know. These rules suck, right?

That's why we're laughing.

Totally.

Wait, is that about me?

No, okay, you don't get it.

I'm cool.

You're okay. You're okay.

Trust me, don't look back. It only adds to the shame.

Hey, gang, shame about the mall closing.

It's like America's declared war on public spaces.

Anyway, get out.

Good joke, Dina. Put that on TikTok.

- What are you doing? - Change of plans.

Emma's hanging out with her friends.

Wait, really? That's Emma?

Man, she has the least memorable face I've ever seen.

Okay, we're not kicking her out.

What, we're just gonna let her flout the rules?

I thought we were being tough moms.

I haven't gotten to spend much time with her lately.

I'm so busy at work.

So she's spending most of her time with Adam,

and then whenever we are together,

she's just annoyed with me.

Like, the other day I said, "You have a lovely smile."

And she looked me in the eye and said,

"It skipped a generation."

Like, why?

Because your mother has an objectively better smile.

I mean, she lights up a room.

It's a tricky time,

and I don't want to make it worse.

All right, look, I'll give you a half an hour.

But, Amy, understand this is an infestation.

Sure, the first termite is cute,

but if you let more of them come,

sooner or later, bye-bye, houseboat.

Don't you have a gambling problem?

It's the only way that I can get him to take my money,

and it's not gambling when it's a sure thing.

Uh... no, you're crazy, Garrett.