Grace and Frankie

If you're a ghost, I'm a friend.

- What if I'm Babe? - Oh, Babe!

- Ah! - Oh, my God.

- I didn't know you were back. - I'm back.

And look! I've got a new wagon.

- What's in it? - Just a little spring cleaning.

I saw your fire ceremony from my bedroom window

and I wanted to get in on it.

Oh, Babe, I was cleansing myself of an ugly corporate chapter of my life.

Aww.

But I don't want to talk about me.

I want to talk about you. I want to hear all about your travels.

Same old, same old. The Great Wall, the Berlin Wall, the Wailing Wall.

The whole world is just a bunch of walls. Now, come on, catch me up.

Let's see.

Robert and Sol told us they were lovers, so I moved in here with Grace.

Sol and Robert got married, now they're getting divorced

because Sol was unfaithful with a woman who turned out to be me.

And I almost made nine million dollars.

You and Grace are living together?

I wasn't really expecting today to go like this.

But I'm so glad it did.

Me, too.

So... how do we do this exactly?

I think we've reached that point in the evening

where you ask me if I'd like to come in.

- Do you want to come in? - I do.

But I don't want you to think I'm easy.

Believe me, I know you're not easy.

Ah!

What's so funny?

Oh, I'm just trying to picture you two down here

hanging over waffles in the morning.

- It's been a process. - Oh, I thought you hated Grace.

Hate's such a strong word.

It's the word you used when you said things like, "I hate Grace."

Thank God I could vent about her on our walks.

You know, she vented about you, too, sunshine.

- When? - On my walks I took with her

right after the walks I took with you.

- You did a lot of walking. - I did.

- My ass looked good then. - Your ass looks good now.

So, how's Grace been managing with all this drama?

Like a champ. With my help, of course.

And you know, like, how she was always a skinny,

emotionally shut down drill sergeant?

Now she's a skinny, not so emotionally shut down drill sergeant.

Where is she? I want to give her a squeeze.

Upstairs sleeping. She's going through a lot of rough stuff right now.

I'm sure she'll tell you, but it's very private,

so it's not for me to say.

She reconnected with this guy that she'd been in love with for years

and it didn't work out.

He has a sick wife.

I'm sure she'll tell you.

If only her neighbor were throwing a party,

maybe that'd cheer her up.

- A Babe party? - The Babe party.

It's gonna be the party to end all parties.

I don't know how it could beat the last one.

It went on for 24 hours.

Are you gonna have that little monkey that picks pockets?

Oh, no. I'm done with her owner.

He doesn't think Patton Oswalt's funny.

Fuck that noise.

Turns out you are easy.

God, I've missed you.

I had some moments of missing you, too.

But I played it pretty close to the vest.

Feels good holding you again.

I thought you were holding me so I didn't drop to the floor.

Sorry the bed's so small.

Don't be. It was the best night's sleep I've had in weeks.

Me, too.

This place is way worse in the daylight.

Fortunately, it never gets brighter than this.

Why would you move in here in the first place?

I don't know.

I guess after what I did to you...

it's what I thought I deserved.

I will never again doubt how bad you felt.

And I'm sorry.

Oh, good morning.

Try again.

Bad morning?

Can I get you something?

A larger sphere of personal space.

It's the one thing I'm out of.

Then, no.

OK, here's what we need to do.

We're gonna start Frankie Bergstein's three-step emotional healing system,

- patent pending. - No.

Step one: talk about it. You need to purge.

- It's essential for closure. - No.

And I've got watermelon.

It's everyone's favorite low-calorie food.

Basically celery in a Lilly Pulitzer dress.

Can we move on to step two so I can say no to that?

Step two: art therapy.

- No. - I soaked you an extra lump of clay.

I just want to get into my bed...

and watch that show where terrible people buy tiny houses.

All right. But I want you to know I'm proud of you.

I know it was hard to say no to Phil...

but it's so much better that you stopped it before it started.

Yeah, well...

No, I'm not gonna let you put a negative spin on this.

You are my shero.

- Please don't tell me why. - I'll tell you why.

You were strong when you made a clean break.

You weren't weak like I was when I slept with Sol.

Why are you defiling my watermelon?

Because they don't sell them like this.

Isn't it a little early for that watermelon to be drunk?

I'm talking about you, Grace. You're the watermelon.

I'm not having it now. It has to marinate.

I'm cooking.

You know, you should share that with Babe. She's back.

She is?

Oh, God, I'd love to see her, but not right now.

The boys are coming today to meet Jacob.

You want to join us for crafts?

You talking to me or the watermelon? 'Cause the watermelon's not coming.

I'm the watermelon.

You want me to cancel so I can be with you?

Oh, please don't feel hurt, but I... I need some alone time.

Yes, alone time is all part of the process.

You can vlog. You can write your feelings in the sand.

You can jump in the pool and do some underwater yelling.

I think I'm just gonna take myself for a walk on the beach.

Mmm.

Best martini in town. Another.

If you think I'm gonna ask you why you're drinking at 11 in the morning,

you've come to the wrong bartender.

That's exactly why I'm here. No talking, just drinking.

- Hey. - Hey.

Are we really braiding garlic?

I think it's Mom's idea of a group bonding activity.

Hm.

Are you really packing a Dry Lady Dry?

Mom asked me to pick it up.

Man, I cannot believe she is back on deodorant.

Well, maybe she's just trying to get ahead of the garlic. Frankie B!

Up or down? Down or up?

- What? - My hair.

Oh, down.

Oh, God, I've got... I better go fix it.

Oh, you know my...

- What about my dress? - Is it like too... Is it...

I'm trying... Am I trying too... I mean, my hands are so sweaty.

I hope you like him. I think you will.

I know he's gonna like you. He's really a great... I'm... I...

I'm pretty sure you'll like him, too. I... Oh, God, I'm so nervous.

You can't tell, can you? Really?

- Not at all. - Whoa.

Our mom is using store-bought deodorant for a man that isn't our dad.

- Or Art Garfunkel. - She is leaning in, man.

Yeah.

Do you think this guy's the real deal?

Well, she seems pretty sure about him.

And she deserves to have somebody. Maybe he's that someone.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Or maybe he's that someone that blows in with all the sizzle and jazz

of a master garlic braider,

only he's braiding someone else's garlic on the side.

- That would suck. - Not on my watch.

I'm really nervous now too.

Well, hey-hey. Here he is.

Hey, guys. Great to finally meet you. Your mom talks about you two all the time.

I got a few more boxes in the car.

We will give you a hand.

Bud...

- I love him. - You just met him.

No, no, I can tell. He's solid, man.

- I got great instincts. - You have terrible instincts.

- That's what you're known for. - No...

Suck on that, bitches.

I think she's hustling us.

- Yeah. - You're next, Abandoned Husband.

OK.

I hope you're not as bad as Workers' Comp.

You think he'd be better with all that free time on his hands.

Hey.

Hey, you. Excuse me. How much do you have to drink to not feel anything?

If you're still asking... you're not even close.

Hello?

OK, maybe you should slow down. It's 12:15.

But I'm having a good time with my friends.

Workers' Comp, Been-Here-Since-Last-Night,

- and... - Abandoned Husband.

Yeah. I love these guys.

Hey, let's start a darsleague. Darts league.

A round for my darts league.

We need a name.

"Who Darted"?

- Did you get it? - Yeah.

Hey, that's some pretty stellar braiding you got going on.

Oh, thanks.

Bud, look at you.

- Yeah. - Super first attempt.