Parks and Recreation

.

- OKAY, I DON'T WANT TO OVER-HYPE THIS,

BUT PRESENTING... DUN-DA-DA-DAH!

THE NEW CITY OF PAWNEE WEBSITE!

TOTALLY REVAMPED!

YOU CAN PAY PARKING TICKETS,

YOU CAN APPLY FOR A BUSINESS LICENSE AND THE BEST PART

IS WE'RE GOING TO PUT UP AN ONLINE POLL SO PEOPLE

CAN PICK THE NEW TOWN SLOGAN!

HEY, LOOK A PANDA!

- YEAH, THAT'S JUST SOME MASCOT THING

THAT THE DESIGNER PUT UP ON THE FRONT PAGE.

BUT MORE IMPORTANTLY,

YOU CAN NOW APPLY FOR A UTILITY TAX REFUND...ONLINE!

- WAIT, THE PANDA'S NAME IS PEEBO.

PEEBO.

- LOOK, YOU CAN EVEN PLAY PING-PONG.

- WHAT? - I WANT TO PLAY!

- NO, ME FIRST! ME FIRST! THAT'S IT. I'M CALLING IT.

- GUYS, BEN WORKED REALLY HARD ON THIS, OKAY?

LET'S LOOK AT THE ONLINE POLLS.

IT'S GONNA BE A COOL WAY TO CHOOSE OUR NEW TOWN'S SLOGAN.

OH! THE PANDA HOLDS A PADDLE WITH HIS TAIL.

I WANT TO PLAY!

CONGRATULATIONS, BEN.

THIS IS TRULY A FINE PANDA GAME YOU MADE. WELL DONE.

WHAT ELSE DOES HE DO?

- I THINK IF YOU CLICK ON THE BAMBOO,

IT PUTS ON A TOP HAT.

all: WHAT?

I LOVE YOU, BEN!

*

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

YOU LOOK LIKE MERYL STREEP AT THE END OF IRONWEED.

YOU WISH.

- WELL, I'VE BEEN DRIVING ALL OVER INDIANA

LOOKING FOR BANDS TO PLAY THE UNITY CONCERT.

I GOT NOTHING TO SHOW FOR,

EXCEPT FOR FOUR CAR ACCIDENTS.

ALL THESE STRANGERS' INSURANCE INFORMATION.

OOH, I GET IT, YOU HAVE CAR INSURANCE.

WHY DON'T YOU BRAG ABOUT IT?

HEY, YOU ARE FROM EAGLETON, RIGHT?

ARE THERE ANY PLACES OUT THERE I SHOULD CHECK OUT?

- I USED TO GO SEE LIVE SHOWS AT PATTERSON'S.

BUT I'M BOYCOTTING UNTIL THE OWNER APOLOGIZES

FOR WHAT SHE SAID TO ME AT THE DOG PARK.

COOL. ANYTHING ELSE?

- I HEAR COZY'S BAR IS PRETTY PACKED ON THURSDAYS.

BUT I'VE NEVER BEEN BECAUSE IT'S MOSTLY MIDDLE-AGED WOMEN

AND I'M ALLERGIC TO TURKEY NECK.

- REALLY? THAT'S THE BEST PART.

WE SHOULD SPLIT A TURKEY SOMETIME.

OH, MR. LARSON.

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR MEETING ME HERE.

- HAPPY TO. I WAS IN THE AREA.

THE CHANCE FOR ME TO RETURN YOUR BINDER FULL OF QUESTIONS

ABOUT THE JOB.

I THINK I ANSWERED ALL OF THEM.

- THANK YOU. I CANNOT WAIT TO CHECK THIS OUT.

NOW, THE REASON WHY I ASKED YOU TO MEET ME HERE--

MORE QUESTIONS ABOUT THE JOB.

OH, YEAH.

MARTHA? I'M GONNA NEED TWO HOURS WORTH OF WAFFLES.

GRANT LARSON HAS OFFERED ME A CHANCE TO OVERSEE

A BRANCH OFFICE OF THE NATIONAL PARK SERVICE.

THIS IS LIKE THE PARKS EQUIVALENT OF BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN

PULLING COURTENEY COX ONSTAGE.

I MEAN, ONE MINUTE YOU'RE JUST A REGULAR GIRL IN THE CROWD,

AND THE NEXT MINUTE YOU'RE DANCING 10 FEET AWAY

FROM FREAKIN' MAX WEINBERG!

OKAY, MY FORTIETH AND EIGHTEENTH FROM LAST QUESTION

IS ABOUT THE HEARTLAND EXOTIC PLANT MANAGEMENT PROJECT.

NOW, WERE WOULD I BE ACTUALLY DOING THE PHYSICAL PLANTING?

BECAUSE IT IS ALWAYS BEEN A DREAM OF MINE

TO PLANT SPOTTED JEWELWEED ALONG THE RED RIVER BANK

IN ARKANSAS, BUT I'M SURE YOU HEAR THAT A LOT.

- WELL, YOU WOULDN'T ACTUALLY BE PLANTING THINGS.

I MEAN, YOU'RE OVERSEEING 200 PEOPLE.

THE EVERYDAY MINUTIA YOU WOULD DELEGATE TO STAFF.

LESLIE, YOUR JOB IS MORE CREATIVE, BIG PICTURE STUFF.

NO MORE BORING PEOPLE WORKING FOR YOU.

- GOOD! I HATE PAPERWORK.

I HARDLY EVER DO IT IN MY BED ON A SATURDAY NIGHT

WHILE LISTENING TO OLD SPICE GIRLS CDs.

- REGAL MEAGLE. MY FAVORITE REALTOR.

YOU GOT SOME HOT PROPERTIES TO SHOW ME?

YOU KNOW IT.

- REMEMBER MY LIST OF OPEN KITCHEN,

FIREPLACE, EXPOSED BRICK, AND YOU KNOW

I WOULDN'T KICK A SKYLIGHT OUT OF BED.

I'M OPENING PAWNEE'S FIRST AUTHENTIC SINATRA STYLE

ITALIAN RESTAURANT--

"TOM'S BISTRO."

I'M KIND OF LIKE A SKINNY, HANDSOME, INDIAN MARIO BATALI--

WHO DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO COOK.

BEFORE WE GO, I GOT YOU GUYS A LITTLE SOMETHING

FOR HELPING ME OUT.

OH! LOVE IT!

A LARRY VOODOO DOLL?

TOM, THAT'S SO SWEET. THANKS.

OW! OH, MY GOSH!

I DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING.

THE VOODOO DOLL IS READING MY THOUGHTS.

- SO IT SEEMS LIKE IT WENT REALLY WELL, RIGHT?

YEAH. YEAH, TOTALLY.

GRANT IS GREAT, THE JOB IS GREAT.

THE WAFFLES WERE GREAT. - GREAT.

SO WE'RE JUST ABOUT READY TO GO LIVE

WITH THE SLOGAN POLL. YOU WANT TO SEE?

- NOW THAT EAGLETON AND PAWNEE HAVE MERGED,

IT IS TIME TO PICK A NEW TOWN SLOGAN.

AND A SLOGAN CAN MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE WITH TOURISM

IN A TOWN'S IDENTITY.

THERE IS NEW YORK,

THE CITY THAT NEVER SLEEPS.

AND THEN THERE IS GLENWATER, FLORIDA,

HOME OF AMERICA'S MOST VIOLENT WALMART PARKING LOT.

OKAY, SO PEOPLE CAN VOTE NOW.

- YEAH, SEE, THAT'S THE SUPER COOL THING ABOUT THIS WEBSITE

IS IT DOES ALL THE WORK FOR US SO WE CAN JUST SIT BACK

AND TAKE IT EASY.

- NO. NO, WE'RE NOT GONNA DO THAT.

WE'RE GONNA SIT FORWARD AND TAKE IT HARD.

- UM, WHAT? - THERE'S A LOT OF NITTY-GRITTY

LEFT TO DO, BEN.

WE NEED TO ROLL UP OUR SLEEVES,

WE NEED TO GO DOOR TO DOOR,

WE NEED TO HAND OUT FLIERS, AND CANVASS.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE SHOULD DO?

WE SHOULD HAVE A PRESS JUNKET, TO PUBLICIZE THE POLL.

OKAY, I HOPE YOU HAD LUNCH PLANS,

'CAUSE NOW YOU GET TO CANCEL THEM.

WELL, I-I DID.

- SO THIS WAS ONE OF EAGLETON'S TOP SUSHI RESTAURANTS.

BUT YOU CAN'T OUT-RUN THE WHALE MEAT POLICE FOREVER.

- THIS IS GREAT. I LOVE IT!

LOOK AT IT, I CAN PICTURE IT NOW.

THAT'S WHERE THE POLITICIANS WILL SIT,

THIS IS WHERE THE CONNECTED GUYS WILL BRING THEIR GOOMAHS.

THIS PLACE IS PERFECT.

HOW MUCH? - 9,000 A MONTH.

- WHAT? THAT'S WAY MORE THAT I CAN AFFORD.

- WHATEVER. IT'S NOT THAT GREAT.

PLUS, IT'S REALLY FAR AWAY FROM WORK

AND THAT'D BE ANNOYING.

IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

I MEAN, WHEN IT FIRST LAUNCHES I'LL GO BACK AND FORTH,

BUT HOPEFULLY IT TAKES OFF AND IT'LL BECOME A FULL-TIME JOB.

- COME ON, I'LL SHOW SOME PLACES IN YOUR PRICE RANGE.

- THIS PRESS JUNKET IS A BRILLIANT IDEA, ISN'T IT?

MR. STRANGE CAMERAMAN WHO I NEVER MET.

- LESLIE, I TOLD YOU, I'M NOT GONNA PARTICIPATE

IN YOUR WEIRD JULIA ROBERTS, CAMERAMAN HUSBAND FANTASY.

- QUIET, CAMERAMAN, PERD'S HERE.

- LESLIE, YOUR POLL IS DESIGNED TO CHOOSE A NEW SLOGAN.

AND A SLOGAN IS A SERIES OF WORDS THAT HAVE A MEANING.

- SO TRUE, PERD.

ALL OF THE CHOICES

FOR THE TOWN SLOGAN ARE WONDERFUL,

BUT IF I HAD TO CHOOSE MY FAVORITE

IT WOULD PROBABLY BE "STORIED PAST, BRIGHT FUTURE."

- WELL, THE STORY OF MY INTEREST IT'S MEDIUM.

- JOAN, THIS POLL IS A CHANCE TO GIVE

OUR NEWLY-MERGED CITY A NEW IDENTITY--

TO REALLY REBRAND THIS TOWN.

- YES, GREAT QUESTION. I HAVE BEEN THINKING

OF REBRANDING MYSELF.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT JUAN CALLAMEZZO?

ISN'T "JUAN" A MAN'S NAME?

NO, IT MEANS "FLOWER."

I THINK IT MEANS "JOHN."

CRAZY IRA AND THE DOUCHE

FROM 93.7 FM, THE GROOVE.

LESLIE, DO YOU BELIEVE THAT THIS NEW SLOGAN

WILL INTEGRATE PAWNEE AND EAGLETON

INTO ONE COHESIVE CITY?

- WOW, THAT'S A VERY THOUGHTFUL QUESTION, CRAZY IRA.

YES, YES, I DO.

FOLLOW-UP QUESTION, LESLIE,

SHOW US YOUR BOOBS!

- WILL THIS FIT ON A BUMPER STICKER?

GOSH, THIS PLACE IS PACKED.

YOU FOLKS MUST REALLY LIKE THIS GUY.

HONEY, HE IS SEX ON A STICK.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

PUT YOUR JAZZY HANDS TOGETHER FOR MY MAN, MR. DUKE SILVER!

- A SMOOTH AND SILKY EVENING TO YOU ALL.

ON NIGHTS LIKE THIS, WHEN THE COLD WINDS BLOW,

AND THE AIR IS AWASH IN THE SWIRLING EDDIES

OF OUR DREAMS,

COME WITH ME AND FIND SAFE HAVEN...

IN A WARM BATHTUB FULL OF MY JAZZ.

all: UH!

- WELL, THE GOOD NEWS IS YOUR POLL WAS A BIG IT.

THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE VOTED.

- THAT'S GREAT. WHAT'S LEADING?

"STORIED PAST, BRIGHT FUTURE"? - NO.

THE CURRENT LEADER IS

"PAWNEE, WELCOME TO DOUCHE NATION."