Rules of Engagement

Hi. Hey.

Oh, is somebody eating with you?

No, just me.

Oh, of course.

That's not an obscene amount of food

For one person.

Well, it's your fault.

It's this baby you put inside me.

I am hungry all the time.

Yesterday I ate a whole package of hot dog buns.

Well, now, given your lifestyle,

I'm guessing that you passed on the wieners.

Just coffee to go.

Uh, scrambled eggs, pancakes...

No. Hash browns, bacon...

No, no, no, no. A scone.

There's no one growing inside of you.

He'll have egg whites, dry toast, fruit,

And turkey bacon.

Ugh, turkey.

Stupid lean, flightless bird.

Uh, you heard what the doctor said

About your cholesterol.

He was impressed. That you're alive.

So then I guess that's a "no"

To steaks and the nba playoffs

Tonight at the cattle drive bar and grill?

The doctor said jeff has to drop 15 pounds.

Oh, come on! That's easy.

He could shave that off in body hair.

Well, listen, just because it worked for you...

All right, I gotta go to work.

You be good.

You, do not feed him

No matter how much he begs or licks your face.

Do me a favor. Just... Mmm.

Eat with your mouth open so I can smell it.

Okay.

Mmm.

Yikes.

Scoot over, preggo.

Uh, just coffee.

Oh, me too. Just keep it coming, please.

I am exhausted.

Jen started this new boot-camp workout,

So now we've been getting up every day at dawn.

You're working out with her?

No. I'm already about as cut as you wanna be.

Anyway, we're getting up every day at 5:00,

So it's lights out by 9:30.

So...You have a bedtime.

I wouldn't call it that.

No, just a set time every night

That jen makes you go to bed.

That's right.

That's right. And I'm-- I'm not even sleepy that early.

Maybe you should try telling yourself this story.

Good morning, sir.

Timmy, I'm bored.

Well, doing nothing for 40 years

Will often bring that on, sir.

Ugh. Now I'm even bored-er.

Hey!

I finished running those copies you wanted.

Thank you.

Mr. Dunbar,

This is our new intern from nyu, topher.

Hey, crockett from miami vice called.

he wants his stubble back.

I don't know who that is.

But you know what?

I like the statement you're making with your hair.

Thanks. Hey, um...

Just so I know my statement is coming across,

What--what are you getting exactly?

Ironic '70s porno guy.

Oh, great, it's working.

Topher.

All these copies will need to be redone,

I'm afraid.

You missed side two of the document.

Fine, whatever.

The world doesn't need trees...

Much.

oh, that's funny.

He says it like he thinks that we don't need trees,

But he really thinks that we do.

Yes, I was here.

I like this guy.

Maybe we should take him out with us tonight.

We're going to this cool club.

It's called spaces. It's pretty maj.

My friends and I go there ironically

To make fun of people who actually like it.

Mm.

Dude, that's why I go there--

Ironically.

But this clown thinks it's cool.

No, I go because you've made it part of my job

To stand next to you

As you spew crude double entendres

At women just this side of streetwalkers.

Hey, if we're lucky they're on this side.

I pray my parents die never knowing

What I do for a living.

They don't know you work for me?

In an effort to preserve my dignity,

I've told them I'm the mop boy

At the 8th avenue peep show.

Please. You couldn't carry glenn's bucket.

And if that's your attitude,

Maybe I'll just hang out with topher here tonight.

Whoo!

It's me and you. How about it, toph?

You wanna go?

Well, there's an underground club

I was gonna check out.

I guess you could come.

All right!

I'll meet you there at 9:00.

so we can stand there like tools

For four hours till it opens?

Sandwich and fries for you. Thank you.

Salad, light dressing, and a scoop of tuna.

I ordered a hamburger. What the...

Audrey got to you, didn't she?

Yup. Damn it.

How'd she do that?

You wouldn't understand.

She tips.

Well, I'm not gonna be starting now.

Hello there, gents.

Mr. Dunbar's engaged tonight, so I'm as free as a bird.

Who might be up for a wee bit o' mischief?

Leprechauns?

I mean, I would love to do something with you, timmy,

But, um--

Oh, crap. I need to get home.

Move, move. It's, uh, past his bedtime.

No, it isn't.

Got 20 minutes.

Well, then why are you leaving?

Oh, I still have to take my bath.

So what say, mr. Bingham, hmm?

An evening out?

Capers and jests?

And I assure you wherever the night's fancy takes us

Shall forever remain entre nous.

Uh, you know what? I don't think so. Uh, you know what? I don't think so.

Um...In fact...

I'm sure, no.

So I'll just pay for this then,

Shall I?

Is this seat taken?

Oh, my god. Jeff, what are you doing here?

Don't act all surprised, brett favre,

Teasing me with this photo of your meat.

You wanted this to happen.

Does audrey know you're here?

No.

She can't find out.

Don't worry.

This'll be our secret.

Well, it has to be. Tonight it's just you, me...

And whatever's left of that cow.

See, isn't it nice going to sleep together?

I'd hate to become one of those couples

With separate bedtimes.

I know. That would be...

Different than this.

I need you.

I have trouble falling asleep without you in the bed.

Hey, you know what helps me fall asleep?

Sex stuff.

I would, but it's already past 9:30.

But we haven't done it

Since you started this boot camp.

I know. But you can still hold me.

That's-- that's just as good.

Mm.

Oh, yeah. This is great.

That was amazing.

Ohh...

You are insatiable.

Yeah, I don't get to do this with audrey anymore,

So I wanted to make the most of it.

Oh... Audrey.

I feel so guilty going behind her back like this.

Uh, look. I do too. It just happened.

It's not like we planned that.

Jeff, you phoned in your order.

So...What do you think?

Tomorrow you can maybe sneak away

For a little duane's barbecue?

No. Look, we gotta make this just a one-time thing.

I suppose you're right.

Would you like me to bring you

Some dessert menus?