Candiland

What does this guy do, again?

He's my business manager.

Pays all my bills.

Telephone, rent, charge cards, everything.

I want him to pay yours too.

I mean, let's face it:

We both recently got huge cash settlements,

we don't need to worry about money, so

why should we, right?

I'm ashamed of those days.

I'm ashamed of myself, and embarrassed.

I feel like a failure.

Ah, new sheets!

And they're grey.

Oh, no.

We want color in a thousand thread count!

Go get feather pillows.

Hi.

I'll take these.

Mm-mm.

That'll be $503.65.

Thank you.

Do you...

No, I do not.

Thank you.

Have a nice day.

Don't I need to sign it?

You already did, ma'am.

Oh.

Yes.

Yes, I did.

Thank you.

Ready?

Oh,

yeah, I just need some ba--

Please tell me this is the last thing we had to do.

That's it.

Okay, let's get back to your house.

Oh, you should've had those ready.

Sorry, sorry.

Oh, I'm lost in Candiland.

If only my father were here to help me!

Oh, hi dad, how you doing?

You're my father!

Seriously, Samson?

Every time we get around dead bodies

you go all pre-school on me.

Grow some balls.

Lighten up.

Just trying to figure out their mindset.

Look at this place.

Call from: God.

Peter, pick up the phone please.

I know you hear my voice, come on.

I'm beginning to know your answering machine quite well

- this past month. - If you don't talk

to him, he's gonna come here.

This is your father talking; That's an order.

Hello?

Good dad, good.

Now, how's the knee?

Uh, that's a stupid question.

I just wanted to make sure you're okay.

That's all.

Yeah, yeah, I'm leaving for England tomorrow.

There's a chance I could get to go on with them

and do some promoting on a world class level.

Maybe a month.

I've got everything taken care of on this end.

Well I made the contact a long time ago, dad.

It just came up.

Take care.

And give my regards to the Queen.

He's coming back.

Well hello there, neighbor.

- You wanted to see me? - Yeah.

Follow me.

It's not every day that the elusive Arnie

asks me over; It must be a special occasion.

Here are your pie plates.

Thanks for spoiling me.

Oh great, cause these cost about 30 cents each.

I washed them.

- You okay? - Yeah.

Is it your knee, do you need a doctor?

No, no, no. It just clicks sometimes.

Just the way it's gonna have to be.

Could've been worse.

It's good to have a positive attitude.

In fact, I never used to believe in God.

Do you now?

What am I missing here, Arnie?

What's the magic formula?

Is it cherry?

Blueberry?

All of the above.

Me, I just have the Book of Arnie.

What's that?

Let's see what Psalm:14 has to say.

I want you to know

that drinking isn't the answer.

Take it from me.

It prolongs your depression.

Thou shalt not drink. Praise Arnie.

How many pies has a gal gotta bake before you

take a hint and ask her out?

Oh, because sooner or later

she's gonna open up her stupid mouth hoping

that you'll rescue her.

Please tell me you're following me, Arnie.

You want to go out?

Pick me up at seven?

Yes ma'am.

We just grew apart.

And now he thinks some cheap advice is gonna fix everything.

Well he is not gonna be an issue

for the next little while, so I think

we should...

Remove him from the apartment.

All messages deleted.

I'm half empty without you.

Marines don't cry.

You're all I got.

And I love you so much.

- Hi. - Hello.

New sheets!

Is it too early to fall in love with you?

Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were awake.

I've been here for so long without going home.

Tess! Look at me.

For the first time in ages I meet someone who

makes me feel at peace, and what do I do?

I get so excited...

That I smother her.

I'm really not like this.

I'm just so happy.

I'm happy too.

But there's...

There's something about me that you don't know.

I can't have children.

That's it? You can't have kids?

That's what...

My scar is from.

I was pregnant...

Something went wrong so they took it

out of me, they...

They took it all out of me.

Tess, I don't want kids.

You say that now.

Thought about it upside down and sideways.

No interest.

Charles wanted kids more than

he wanted me.

Maybe he's the one who's missing something.

He let the perfect Contessa

slip through his fingers.

You think I'm perfect?

Oh, I love having you here.

That was...

I've always felt like I've been alone before.

I think that's the first time I've ever made love.

What's happening here?

I've never felt so close so fast.

So how's the Billster doing with soccer?

Oh, pretty good.

He's gotta hit the field more, but uh,

he's all obsessed with this blog of his.

You gotta beat that art shit right out of him.

Trust me, you don't want him to end up

like one of these whack jobs.

It tickles!

Is it a puppy dog?

Uh-uh.

Is it a truck?

Nope.

Is it a pair of pants?

Ha, wrong!

Now press back,

and hold still.

I can do that.

Can you now?

It's a cactus.

It's not a cactus!

I think it looks like us.

Our own little private expression.

Uh-oh.

But now the rest of the place looks super bland.

Yeah!

You're right!

How dare this goddamn place be so boring!

We have to fight against it!

Yeah!

Delivery, paint.

Just leave it.

I need a signature, please.

This is all the...

That we had left over.

Leave!

- Pardon me? - Leave!

What about the Dolly?