Little Mosque on the Prairie

See now, I hate that.

- Root beer? - Yes. Root beer. No, littering.

- What's that saying? - Well, there's that Quranic passage:

"Corruption has appeared in the land and the sea

on account of what the hands of men have wrought. "

Whoa. I was just going to say "give a hoot, don't pollute. "

Ah, yes. The cartoon owl. Very wise.

- Here we go. - Ah, whoa, whoa, what are you doing?

- I'm throwing it out. - Hello? Recycling.

There's no recycling container around here.

Oh, I get it. You're all for saving the environment as long as it's easy.

Come on, Amaar. It's all sticky.

Well, if you think you can live with yourself.

Man, I hate hanging out with people more sanctimonious than me.

- Really? I've never had that problem. - Hmm, why does that not surprise me?

Season 2 Episode 15 Wheat Week

Never seen you with a cellphone before.

It's time I caught up with modern technology.

So, how do you like it?

I can't tell. So far, no one has called me.

Well, you do have a home phone, and one here at the cafe.

So?

So, you're either always here or at home.

What about my commute?

It's five minutes. Kind of a narrow window.

So if something happens, I should be alone with my screams?

- No, no, you should have a cellphone. - But nobody calls it!

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? Hello?

- Hello? - Hey, toots...

- Hello? - Hey, toots...

A little service down here? Huh?

Hang up. You're wasting my minutes.

Totally digital, flat screen LCD.

Totally digital, flat screen LCD.

Do you remember when TVs used to have snow before they were hooked up?

Oh, it'll get hooked up. And when it does,

it'll be the next best thing to having the entire Lebanese football team

right here in our living room.

Do you think they could hook up the TV? Because that might be useful.

Whoa, did the house shrink or did we get a new TV?

Whoa, did the house shrink or did we get a new TV?

- No, it's new. - And whose idea was that?

- No, it's new. - And whose idea was that?

I'm guessing dad.

High-def. 15000:1 contrast ratio.

And to think we lived for so long with a low contrast ratio.

Exactly.

Do I need a haircut?

Um, yeah. Maybe a trim.

My precious flower, you're perfectly beautiful.

My precious flower, you're perfectly beautiful.

Why waste money on a haircut that no one will ever see?

Why waste money on a giant TV

to watch a bunch of guys kick a ball around a field?

Because your mother wouldn't let me fly to Lebanon to watch the game in person.

- Ah-ha! Success! - There's the snow.

So when do you want to start with wheat week?

Oh, didn't I tell you? I'm going to cancel wheat week.

Ann, you can't cancel wheat week! People love wheat week.

They love the rides, the beer tent, the Sheafettes...

best kick-line in town.

They're getting long in the tooth.

Look. We're surrounded by wheat.

We've got wheat in June, wheat in July, the wheat don't care what week it is.

If we cancel everything you didn't like,

the only event we'd have is mayor appreciation day.

I love mayor appreciation day!

Look. Is this about the money? Because we have the money in the budget.

We had the money.

- Can I have a portrait too? - We've been over this. No.

Now, we're going to cancel wheat week,

and we're going make it look like it's not our fault.

- How? - Find some crank to blame it on.

I'm canvassing for the mayor's office. We're looking for thoughts, comments...

- complaints. - No complaints.

Any city events you'd like to see cancelled? Like wheat week?

Wheat week? What kind of crank would cancel wheat week?

- Oh, but come on. You hate everything. - Not wheat week.

It's my favourite grain-related holiday.

But don't you think they should shut it down?

- Wheat week? Come on. - But we're the Sheafettes.

Bad day?

Really rough. I'm supposed to find a crank.

I could give you the one off the meat grinder.

No, I mean a grumpy person. But no luck.

This salt shaker has rice in it. This salt shaker does not have rice in it.

What message are you trying to send?

Wow. Not bad.

Once I got him going, he was really against it.

Actually, he filled out two copies.

- Oh! Are these graphs? - Yeah, there's footnotes, too.

This is fantastic work.

- Let's get this party cancelled. - Hmm.

Fatima! You, me, haircuts. What do you say?

I'd say you need some verbs in that sentence.

- But... yes. - So does that mean you're coming?

- It might. - Goody!

Uh, wait, uh...

how do you ladies get a haircut when,

you know... men aren't supposed to see your, uh...

- Hair. - It's okay.

You can't see our hair but you can say it.

Sorry.

So, really, how do you cut your...

Hair?

- Sorry, I can't help it. - We go to Marsha's Salon.

She has blinds on her windows.

- Is that a secret? - No. We're making fun of you.

Hey, what are you doing up on that ladder,

Taking down the wheat week sign?

Hey, what are you doing in that truck, asking stupid questions?

- What happened to wheat week? - Cancelled. Some Muslim guy complained.

- What? They can't do that! - Well, obviously, they already have.

You know, you don't have to be sarcastic.

I'm sorry. It's a difficult time for all of us.

Amaar, you wouldn't believe it. The picture on this thing.

Well, right now, it's all snow.

Snow? Like in the '70s? Why don't you just adjust the rabbit ears?

Don't make fun of my TV. It's bigger than you are.

So, football, later on. Will you come?

Yeah, I was going to stay home and watch "Oklahoma!"

Play... Tennessee.

In a sports match.

I'll do your thing.

This time you people have gone too far.

Which people? Bald people? Contractors?

- Brown people? - None of those.

Well, sort of the last one.

What do you got against wheat week?

- Tweak, tweak? - Wheat week.

The week where we celebrate wheat, and farmers and combines and...

wheat. It's a cultural thing.

Opera is culture. I think what you're talking about is agriculture.

Wheat week is very popular, my friend. It's the capstone to grain month.

What do you got against it, hmm? Was it the pork? Huh? The beer?

The Sheafettes?

Well, actually I could do without the Sheafettes...

Look, I have no opinion on this.

I wouldn't be caught dead at anything called wheat week.

So you do hate it, huh?

Let me tell you something, buster brown, this ain't over.

- Enjoy your fruit. - It's a salad.

So it's decided. You'll tape your...

musical, and you'll come watch the game.

It's got cowboys in it.

Marsha! Hi. What happened to the blinds?

Oh we got rid of them. We realized people couldn't see in.

But that is the only reason we came here.

- I mean that, and your skills. - Yes, your skills.

- Wonderful skills. - So about the blinds.

- Could you maybe put something up? - Like what?

- I don't know. Blankets? - Sounds classy.

- Garbage bags? - Yeah. We're using those...

to hold garbage.

Look, we try to accommodate everyone.

Even people who don't like wheat week.

But we can't help you.

- I'll come by your house later and cut it. - Thank you.

How does she know we don't like wheat week?

I like wheat week. It's better than mayor appreciation day.

How can you do this? This is a slap in the face to everything decent.

It's just wheat week.

Is it? Well, this week it's wheat week, next week, it's...

Actually, next week was supposed to be wheat week.

All right. Next week it's wheat week,

then the week after that it's barley-rama,

then corn-fest or... oat... day.

Are you just making those up? 'Cause we don't have those things.

- Well, we won't now, will we? - Well, we did have a complaint.

Oh, I know all about your complaint. All you Muslims are complaining.

- What? - Yeah, I spoke with Amaar.

He said he wouldn't be caught dead at wheat week.

- I'm sure Amaar would never... - No, no, Fred's right.

If it were just one person complaining, there'd be something I could do.

But if it's an entire community, I have no choice.

What with lawsuits and political correctness... and the charter of...

- Well... - things.

- This isn't over! - That went great!

- This isn't over! - That went great!

We're kind of scapegoating the Muslims here.

I know! It just fell into our lap!

Now remember, when the game starts, no talking.

- Amazing picture. How many pixels? - Oh... dozens (bits).

- Does this thing have picture in picture? - We are not watching "Oklahoma!"

No, just in case there was another sporting match somewhere.

Dad, what are you doing here?

I haven't moved out yet, even though I'm an adult.

Oh no wait, that's you.

- We're watching sports! - Well, you can't watch it here.

- Okay. - Stay.

You're too late. Sit. Sit. Sit. No talky.

- We're here to get our hair cut. - Where should I set up?

- Uh, right here. - No. Here bad.

We're about to watch the football game. It's a cup qualifier.

- Lebanon versus Saudi Arabia. - Yes, I see that.

But I'm here with Fatima and Lisa and this took a lot of co-ordinating.

Yeah, well, football just doesn't happen either.

Some of these lads have been getting up early and practising since they were boys.