Grace and Frankie

I sound pretty good.

You're the Jennifer Holliday of Tuvan throat singing.

Thanks to your voice, crops are bigger and better than ever.

I mean... have you ever seen anything so bulbous?

Well, that's a trick question, to which I will answer, "perhaps."

You know what? I'm making you dinner.

- You are? - Yep.

Tomorrow night. I make a mean veggie tagine.

We can talk about what varieties to plant next.

I'm thinking Japanese for hardiness.

I would hate for my lube to lack hardiness.

Oh, wait, wait, wait. This is my favorite part.

Hmm.

Good morning, Grace.

How about a kale smoothie? Fresh from the farm.

No, thank you. I already didn't drink the one you gave me yesterday.

Oh, my.

Did all the other fancy ladies get beamed back up into the mothership without you?

I'm saying goodbye to the old me.

This is a bon voyage party for her and her country club clothes.

You gonna burn 'em? 'Cause if you don't,

we could make an army out of business casual scarecrows.

- I'm donating them. - Good for you.

Bon voyage, tiny pantsuits.

You'll make some little doll women very happy.

Am I to assume you had another business meeting with Jacob

or are you returning a ring to Middle-earth?

I don't know why you wag your eyebrows when you say "business meeting."

And we are having a business dinner tomorrow night.

It's not a business dinner.

What do you call talking about seed varieties

while we eat a tagine made from surplus vegetables?

It's a date. It's a sad, weird, hippie date, but it's a date nonetheless.

No, I've seen the way he looks at you.

Oh, you can see that, but you can't see chemtrails

or all the people who live under the San Diego river.

Don't you have somewhere to go?

I do and that's why I can't listen to your romantic notions and chemtrail blather.

- That was you! - They're real and I'm right.

Oh, jeez.

So, what do you think?

Maybe let the seams out a little?

- Oh, my. Can you sit? - Let's see.

No. It's a no-go.

I love this suit. It's from our London trip.

Dad, don't worry, I know a tailor who can work magic.

This much magic?

He does everything.

Believe me, I have become quite a fan of the elastic waistband.

Well, I thought with all the weight I'd lost since the hospital,

I could pull it off.

Now I'm not even sure I can actually pull it off.

Oh, dear. Uh, hon, maybe you should hit "end call."

- This won't be pretty. - OK.

Oh, these are beautiful.

Thank you. This is so generous.

You have no idea how happy I am to be rid of them.

- Oh. - Oh. "A Change of A Dress."

I just got it. Oh, that's clever.

Thank you. I had to fight for it.

You hear that, Carol? Another name fan.

Whatever.

- This is really impressive. - We help a lot of women.

Some come in just to get clothes, but we also do job placement and mentoring.

Oh.

I will be right back with your donation receipt.

Hm.

May I?

Of course. Oh, it fits you perfectly.

Not everyone can carry off canary yellow. We're the lucky ones.

It's not too bright? I'm interviewing to be a bank teller.

You wear a bright color like that, you'll be even more memorable.

If you really want to stand out, after the interview, mail them a thank you note.

It's more personal than a... than an email.

But the trick is, write it ahead of time

and then slip it in the mailbox as you leave.

That's a great idea.

I would've never thought of that. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Tell me... Tell me more about this mentoring thing.

Oh, of course.

Ta-da!

Wow... It's very vaginal.

I don't mean to toot my own horn, but I think it's my best work

- since Hitler's Circumcision. - Mm-hmm.

I don't know if you know, but Hitler's Circumcision

is in the private collection of one Mr. Kenny Loggins.

Yes. Who saw it in Sol's office and bought it on the spot.

I love that story.

The thing is, we want your lube

- in every store in America. - Yes, yes!

And pubic hair might be making a comeback,

there's just so very, very much of it.

Alas, our rigid Western

- standards of beauty. - Yeah.

Still, I do want to be in every store in America. Ta-da.

OK. Yes, this is closer. I can't really tell what it is.

Thank you. I painted this one with my vagina.

You need a long brush and a very strong pelvic floor.

Brianna, I just...

Sorry. I'll-I'll come back. Oh. Wow.

See? Imagine him walking around a supermarket looking for...

oat bran. This would catch his eye.

That would definitely catch my eye.

- Frankie, this is Barry, our accountant. - Barry.

I was just checking if you looked at my projections for year-end taxes.

Yes, did you, uh, declare the new emulsifier as a capital expense?

Ah! Angela Merkel.

Why don't you two just get on the table and do it?

Excuse me?

No seriously, how long has this been going on?

What... What is this? A conversation about tax season?

No. I know what I'm talking about.

- I am an intuitive witch. - OK.

Thank you, Goody Proctor.

Actually, she wasn't a witch. Kinda the whole point of The Crucible.

I was in it in high school.

Well, I have to move my car, I'm in a loading zone.

Uh, good day. No, not "good day," uh... Obviously, I'll be right back.

How did she know about us?

I don't know, but clearly we need to be more careful around here.

Or, we could finally... come out?

We've talked about this. Barry, I'm the boss, you work under me,

and that's a joke everyone will make.

OK, for a minute. Who cares?

Why do we have to tell anyone anything?

Because that's what people who are dating do.

Why do they do that?

Aren't you sick of staggering our entrances?

No, I like it.

Or trying not to look at each other too much during meetings?

Your shirt popped open yesterday and everyone could see your bra.

And I didn't want you to flash the whole office,

but I was afraid even acknowledging you have breasts

would somehow give us away.

I like being with you.

I don't want to hide anymore.

You're right. We will tell everyone.

Thank you.

Eventually.

- Great. - Eventually.

Yeah, we'll see.

Hey, you guys! Barry from Accounting and I are doing it.

On the regs. And if you have a problem with that, Cindy, you're fired.

And also, thank you for telling me my bra was showing yesterday.

You're fired for that, too.

Everybody knows. Nobody cares. Love today's bra.

Damn it.

Gina said they don't usually approve mentors this quickly,

but she was so impressed with the advice I gave

and with my business background that she wanted me to start right away.

Oh, I'm sorry, I lost track, uh, around "Gina said."

You know, this is exciting for me.

You have your yams and whatever else you do.

I... I need something. I... I need a purpose and this might be it.

You're right. I'm happy for you.

See, isn't it nice to be nice to the nice?

I have been nice before.

It's been ages since I stole a Christmas goose from a crippled child.

She's here. How do I look?

Uh, like a docent at a hair spray museum.

Just answer the door. I... I need to de-poof.

Oh, this poor kid. She's not gonna know what hit her.

You Grace? It took me frickin' forever to find this place.

There's like no street parking and your neighbor's dog is a dick.

She'll be fine.

All right, let's start with the basics.

- Do you have a résumé? - I do.

It flew out of my car window while I was driving here.

That's OK. We'll start from scratch. Um, what work experience do you have?

- I was in the Army for a while. - Great. How long did you serve?

Top secret.

OK.

Do you have any customer service experience?

- Baskin-Robbins. - Good.

Best three days of my life.

OK. Do you have a job now?

- Yeah. I'm a bartender, but... - But?

I don't want to be working for tips or cleaning things with a rag

the rest of my life. It's like nobody fucking sees me. I'm invisible.

I have more to offer than people think.

I know what you mean.

What would you like to be doing?

- I want to be Diane. - Who's Diane?

She works in my doctor's office. She isn't a doctor or a nurse,

but she bosses 'em all around.

And they listen to her because she knows everything.

Except for all the gross medical stuff, which I have zero interest in.

Sounds like she might be an office manager.

That sounds good. I want that.

It isn't that easy. You don't have any office experience.

You know, there's a few steps between where you are now

- and where you want to go. - Ugh. Steps?

That's what my stupid sponsor's always bugging me about.

Alcoholism isn't funny. OK, I think we need to hone your interviewing skills

and your image that you project to the world.

- What was wrong with my image? - It's specific.

Look, I'm not gonna start taking shit from anybody, including you,

just because I need a job.

Well, that's unfortunate.