On the Doll

I heard Kristin

wasn't able to go out last night.

How come?

- Well, she just had her lips done,

but the doctor fucked up and put too much shit in them

and not she has to wait until they deflate a little.

That's disgusting.

Hey, I wonder if it's gonna be a problem

the next time she's giving Nathan a blowjob.

How's are boy doing?

He should be getting close.

You wanna go see?

- No, let's give him a little more time just to make sure.

- I found a baby bird once.

It had fallen from some tree, barely had any feathers on it,

just laying there on the grass, drying up in the sun.

I could see it was still breathing, but just barely.

His beak was open

and I could see his tongue was sticking out

and moving back and forth.

I was trying to think of something I could do to help it.

Then, I noticed his tongue wasn't really a tongue at all.

It was some maggot that was trying to crawl out of its mouth

and what I thought was a baby bird's breath

was actually a whole bunch of maggots

moving just under its skin.

In a matter of seconds,

I started seeing all these maggots breaking through its skin

and crawling out of its body, everywhere.

It smelled really bad, so I had to throw it away,

but it made me realize just how deceptive life is sometimes.

You know, how nothing or nobody

is ever the way they seem to be.

20, Lincoln, 9er, code six.

Fucking dog.

Shit!

Oh my god.

- What are you talking about, what bird?

Do you want me to come over?

What are you doing, baby, do you wanna fuck?

Look, do you want me to come over or not?

Just keep talking.

Just keep saying what you're saying.

Fuck.

- What the fuck are you doing?

Don't waste my time, you fuck--

Hey.

Hi.

I gotta renew this.

You work there?

Yeah.

- They've been running ads with us forever,

you could've just sent this in if you wanted.

I mean, not that I wouldn't want you

coming in here or anything.

It's okay.

Actually, I wanted to talk to you about another ad for me.

- Sure, write what you want, just careful how you say it.

What do you mean?

Well.

You can't just say, "I'll let you fuck me up the ass

"for money," or nothing.

You gotta say it in a way

that people know what you're talking about,

but not too obvious.

Here.

What's this?

- It's just something I made to help people

know how to say things the right way.

For instance, if you're into two cocks at once,

you'd say you're into DPs instead.

Double--

Penetration.

Right.

Got it.

- I mean, it's better than two dicks in one

always makes me cum, right?

I kinda like that.

Anyway, I don't really think what I'm looking for

is gonna be on your list.

What do you mean?

Just between you and me?

Sure.

I can't run this.

Why not?

'Cause I can't.

It sounds like you're looking for a hit man or something.

No, it's not like that.

I mean, the guy's gonna get paid a lot of money

for doing practically nothing,

so I don't think he's gonna really mind what it sounds like.

Let me ask you something,

what exactly do you want this guy to do for you?

- There's this guy who calls me like once a month

and he's always got a load of cash on him.

He always wants me to do some crazy shit to him.

Like what?

- Like whacked out role-playing, CBT and shit.

You're into that stuff?

- Well, hey, I'm into whatever they're into, you know?

If some guy wants his cock and balls tortured--

Right, gotcha.

- Right, so the more I kept thinking about it,

the more I realized, it's so fucking simple.

In what?

- This guy has so much fucking money.

I mean, every time he goes to pay me,

I can see he has like thousands of dollars in his wallet

and I'll split it with whoever helps me.

- But why do you wanna rob this guy

if he's a regular customer?

- 'Cause he's a fucking prick, that's why.

I mean, even though he has all this cash,

he never gives me any extra.

It's like his way of showing me

that he's better than me or something.

I figure what I take from him,

he probably owes me in tips anyway.

Listen.

Balery.

Listen, Valerie.

Balery not Valerie.

- Whatever, look, it's illegal and I'm not gonna do it.

Look, this guy is paying me

for this psycho fantasy, right?

Who is to say this isn't all part of it?

- Hey, Jizz, I really need those boxes delivered,

she just called bitching at me again.

- Okay, I said I'd take care of it.

Jizz?

What kind of name is that?

- It's a stupid name I'm really getting sick of hearing.

- Well, we can talk about this later.

I'll write something up

and by the way, you're...

You should come by sometime,

I can really take care of that for ya.

Slow the fuck down, asshole.

What'd he just saying?

- Nothing, nothing, let's keep going, come on.

No, bullshit.

- No, babe, babe, babe, we gotta go, come on.

Just go, it's fine.

Keep going.

Keep going, fucker.

This is really good.

It's really good.

Really?

- I don't know how you come up with shit like this,

but you write great lyrics.

- We'll lay this shit down tomorrow.

We'll get it done.

- No, I told you, I don't wanna sing.

- What the fuck you mean you don't wanna sing?

Come on, you're the fucking singer.

- No, I'm not the singer, Wes, I only sang once,

and I never even wanted to do it then.

Look, I just don't wanna sing anymore, okay?

I'm sorry.

If you don't sing,

look at me.

If you don't sing,

you're out of the band.

I swear to God, you're out of the band, this time forever.

So, I'm out of the band.

Look, all I wanted to do was write a few songs

and then get back to my art.

Singing is your art.

No, Wes.

Wes, my words and my drawings, that's my art.

You can't draw.

- You know who used to draw all the time?

My mom taught me.

And she was artist, even though,

she never got a chance to really be one.

Probably 'cause she was spending so much time with me.

And she liked to teach me things.

Like how beautiful we all are,

how beautiful are bodies really are.

I never understood how some people

couldn't understand the beauty in that.

Let me prove it to you.

What is this?

It's nothing, just forget it.

Is this supposed to be me?

No.

I mean, yeah, but I was just--

Is this how you see me?

You wanna draw me like I'm a fucking woman?

You're gonna draw me like some pussy-looking motherfucker?

Don't say that.

Fuck you.

- Hey, how are you guys doing today?

Can I get something for you?

- You can fuck off and you can fuck off.

Ow!

- I'm sorry, he's just playing around.

I'm really sorry.

Hey.

Come here.