The Office

All right, everybody. Great season of softball,

I'm super proud of you, guys.

And I think you're gonna like this

little highlight reel that I've put together.

Dunder Mifflin!

Andy Bernard presents...

Summer Softball, epic fails!

Fail.

Fail.

- That's me. - Fail.

Is this like a blooper reel?

A blooper reel? What is this, 2005?

Do I look like Bob Saget?

Fail!

Who's this guy?

Look at him dance. Fail!

Fail.

I deserve that.

That was a triple.

Can't take the fail? Get out of the fail video!

My pleasure.

Hi, I'm Pete.

Puberty is such a drag, man.

And I'm Clark. I like to eat toilet paper.

We fail.

I'd like to take a solemn moment to remember Jerry,

in the warehouse, who passed away this year.

Well, that's all, folks.

Ski you later, everybody.

Thanks for a great season.

What was that?

That was just normal video with you making vulgar noises.

Well, I worked with what I had, Oscar.

Next time, do more fail-ier stuff, okay?

What happened to that video I sent you?

Oh, that wasn't-- that didn't work.

That was... not the right thing.

- Wait, let's see it. - Play it.

- I think I got it right here. - No--

Oh!

Forgot about this.

That was not a fail.

That was actually a serious accident

that could've resulted in severe bodily harm.

All: - Fail, fail, fail. - You're all failing right now.

Congratulations on your epic fail

of the use of the word fail.

Oh, God.

What's going on?

Nothing, nothing is going on. Keep moving, please.

What's he measuring?

Okay, excuse me, I'm the landlord.

This is between me and the management,

no one else, please.

It's an EMF hotspot.

Oh, my God!

It stands for electromagnetic fields generally caused

by a concentration of wiring in one area,

especially if poorly insulated.

Dwight?

Um, okay, I'm just walking into this.

Am I to understand there's a beehive in the wall?

You think I have a machine for measuring beehives?

I was just asking a question, Toby.

How are you not murdered every hour?

Well, I'm not getting paid to work in a microwave oven.

Okay, listen, everything here is up to code.

Oh, the wires need insulation.

It's a wire, people. I'm not buying it a fur coat.

- Thank you. - You got it.

Last week, I finally told Pam about the other job

- I took in Philly, the side job. - Thank you.

And she was so incredibly cool about it.

And now, I just want to do something huge for her.

Like if we were in some biker bar,

and she mouthed off to some bikers,

and they came lumbering over, and I was like, "wham!

Gotta go through me first."

Andy, could I have a word, please?

Um, it won't take a moment.

It's extremely important,

and it really has to happen now.

Fine, I will give you one minute--

Oh, please, don't use the hourglass.

You have one minute, and your minute has begun,

and no time will be added at the end,

even to accommodate this sentence

with all of its baroque-dependent clauses

and cascading turns of phrase.

I'm trying to adopt a baby.

A baby what? A human?

And the agency require character reference

from my employer.

Oh.

You won't have to do anything.

I would write the letter myself.

You'd just need to sign it, so--

Okay, and fall right into your plagiarism-entrapment scheme?

- I don't think so. - It's not--

And I happen to notice you're down to about 30 seconds here.

Well, then, if I could just convince you that you--

And those sand grains are tumbling with fury down--

It's not entrapment if I'm writing--

Time's up!

Fine.

Sure, I'll read her letter,

and if she tells the truth

about how evil and unfit to be a mother she is,

then, yeah, I'll sign that.

"Statistical correlations exist between EMF radiation

and various health hazards,

but mainstream studies are inconclusive."

That means you can't make me do squat.

You better fix this.

I already ditched my uterus,

and I ain't losing any more good parts.

You people don't realize what you're asking.

I'd have to rip open the walls.

I'd have to shut this place down for a week.

Week off. That'd be great.

Hey, if you don't want to teach me PowerPoint,

just say so.

I don't want to teach you PowerPoint.

Come on. Just show me PowerPoint.

- Just do the tutorial. - You're the tutorial.

No, dude, I'm not. I'm not the tutorial.

- You could be. - Mm-mm.

What are you doing?

Getting my wife a week off from work.

You popped one kernel.

Awesome, right?

So creed is that dude's stepdad?

Correct.

Well, I don't know about the rest of you,

but I'm just going to say it; I'm nervous.

I have no idea what health problems

this is all going to cause.

- He's right. - What? Come on.

I'm getting older. I'm losing my hair.

- I'm sorry. - I'm gonna grow a third arm.

I know what Jim is trying to do.

He's trying to get big, bad Dwight

to shell out for a huge repair job,

while Lucky Jimbo gets a paid vacation.

Well, sorry, Lucky Jimbo,

I can live very happily in a magnetic field.

Most of my childhood heroes got their powers that way.

Side effects of EMF include headaches--

Had them all my life.

Breast pain--

No nobbies, no probbies. Nice try, Jim.

Oof. Infertility.

Yeah, right.

Ah, there's my popcorn. Can you just grab that for me?

Keep your snacks on your side, Jim, idiot.

- What the--? - What?

Some of these kernels have crowned.

That's impossible 'cause that's a brand-new bag.

Oh, my God.

Andy!

I'm going to drive you up to the lake,

give you a whole week on the water,

just you, me, and the kids.

Oh, can we stop by that pie stand on the way?

You mean, "Laverne's Pies, Tires Fixed Also"? Yes.

We will be doing that, and we'll be getting a dozen.

A dozen different pies? 'Cause that means rhubarb.

Why would you say that?

I meant four apple, four blueberry,

two cherry, one peach, one chocolate.

I thought that was implied.

Yeah, okay, then.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have heard your complaints,

and we reached a settlement.

So...

We will be leaving the office for one whole week.

Nice job.

In my contract, it is stipulated

that I provide a temporary work space.

It will arrive in one hour.

What?

- What's this? - Oh!

- What? - Bring it in.

Roll into the future with work bus.

Say good-bye to wasteful buildings.

These days, a mobile office

isn't just for hotshot politicians.

Now anyone can rent a work bus.

If you've got a parking lot,

a work space is just a phone call away.

In this age

of belt-tightening and less-empowered workers,

a work bus

is how tomorrow gets things done.

- Shh! - Shh!

Shh! $23.99 a page, yes.

- Six. Yes. - Yeah.

- - Oh, sorry about that.

Oh, my God!

Oops. Sorry.