Support Your Local Sheriff (Support Your Local Sheriff!)

We are gathered here today to consign the mortal remains of Millard Frymore,

or whatever his name really was.

I ain't really got a lot to say about Millard

because he only rode amongst us two days ago,

and was promptly struck down

by whatever deadly disease it was struck him down.

We can only hope that whatever deadly disease it was,

it wasn't particularly contagious.

And with that in mind I suggest we all bow our heads in devout prayer.

Heavenly father, we hereby consign to your tender mercies,

all that remains...

Get out! Get out!

All that remains of one Millard Frymore,

origin unknown, cause of death unknown,

and of considerable concern to those of us who'd been thrown into contact with him

during the last two days.

Millard was struck down in what was evidently the prime of his life.

In fact, he was took from us so fast,

he never even got a chance to unpack his suitcase.

However, in as much as we were the last to know poor Millard here on earth

and in so far as we were all drawn

to this godforsaken country in search of a common goal,

I'm certain you'll agree with me when I...

- Hey, Pa! - What is the matter with you?

- Take a look! - Ain't you got any reverence for anything?

- It's gold! - What?

Take a look, it's gold.

I'd like to remind everyone

we're here to consign the remains of Millard Frymore.

- It's gold, Henry! - Gold!

Down there, in the grave.

Whoa!

Get this coffin away! And have a look.

Oh, no, you don't!

Get out of my gold mine!

Get out of my gold mine!

Get out of my gold mine!

Gold! Gold! Gold!

Gold!

It just doesn't seem possible that a town could get itself in this condition

in the short time it's been in existence.

Lynchings, gunfights, and that drunken revelry

going on at Madame Orr's House 24 hours a day.

I tell you, a decent woman is not safe on these streets.

Oh, I think the women are safe enough for the most part.

I mean, we only got a couple that would be of much interest to anyone...

Outside the dance hall girls

and they're pretty good at handling themselves in a pinch.

Or in a ticklish situation.

Oh, well, now this may be very funny to the members of the town council,

but we mine owners haven't found anything to laugh about

since we started in business.

We don't think it's funny, Tom.

We just don't know what to do about it.

Maybe what we need is a new mayor and a town council

that does know what to do about it.

Now what kind of talk is that?

We all know that the reason I'm mayor and the others are councilmen

is because nobody else wanted the jobs.

And don't forget, Tom, we're mine owners ourselves.

Do you enjoy giving 20%

of everything you take out of the mines to the Danby family?

Why would we enjoy it?

Well, all right, then let's do something about it.

What? You all know the situation.

There's us, here in Calendar.

There's Galena, where we've gotta ship our gold.

And there's the Danby ranch, halfway in between the two.

The road even runs through their property.

All right, fine. Then we'll build the road around their property.

How? They own that whole valley!

Besides, if they don't get their 20%

they just hold up every stage that comes through and take all of it.

All right, all right! But we've got to do something,

even if it means bringing troops in here.

Troops?

- Troops? - Troops?

What troops? From where? The nearest troops are 500 miles.

All right, then we'll recruit our own.

How? We can't even recruit enough dishwashers.

How are we gonna recruit any troops?

Nobody wants to stop prospecting long enough to take a bath,

let alone join an army.

It all happened so fast we just ain't had a chance to really get organized yet.

And the Danbys are taking advantage of it.

There goes one of them now.

- Which one is he? - Joe.

Out of the father and three brothers he's about the second toughest.

They all act like they own the place.

The way things are set up right now, they do.

And it's gonna stay that way

till we can find ourselves a sheriff that doesn't turn tail

and run the minute someone takes a shot at him.

Whiskey.

All right, you all saw it,

and it was a fair fight.

He drew first. So it was self-defense.

Uh-huh, I told you, he drew first. Sure as anything.

Oh, you could call it anything else but self-defense.

Well, it may have been a lot of things, but self-defense it wasn't.

And he didn't draw first. You did.

What do you mean by that?

Oh, it's an old trick. You did it pretty well.

Not real well, but pretty well.

You feinted with your left shoulder,

getting him to go for his gun

while you were going for yours with your right hand at the same time.

It's an old Arizona trick,

but I have seen it used as far north as Montana.

Are you calling me a liar?

Well, now you heard every word I said, and I didn't call you a liar.

All I said was you feinted him into drawing with your left shoulder

while you were going for your gun with your right hand.

So what?

You beat that poor man to the draw.

He's dead and you're alive.

That's the whole idea of the game, isn't it?

What's your name?

Jason McCullough. What's yours?

Joe Danby, and you had better remember it.

Oh, I'll remember it, Joe.

That's about all I'm going to do the rest of my life,

is go around remembering your name.

- The bread's on the table in front of you. - Thanks.

Oh! Why, you!

This one of Emma's Tasty Home Cooked Meals?

That's it, mister.

They charge $3 for this, huh?

That's what they call inflation.

Sometimes it catches you right in between mouthfuls.

Is there really any gold in this town?

How long did it take you to get that?

All yesterday afternoon, good part of this morning.

Where could a man find a place to sleep?

If you mean a room, you can't.

Down at the end of the street, get a cot.

- How much? - $20. Eight-hour shift.

Say a man was willing to go to work to get himself a stake.

How would he go about it?

You don't want a job?

No. I figure the way prices are around here,

I'll go broke about 2:30 this afternoon.

We got a bulletin board with that kinda stuff down at the assay office.

Hmm? Oh, thank you.

Hold it! Hold it!

Okay, go head on.

Fight!

- I said, out of my way! - Heck, go around!

I told you to get out of there!

I'll kill you!

I'll tell you something...

Watch where you're grabbing!

What about you?

What about me?

You want to grab something?

Everything looks too slippery.

What does that mean?

Oh, nothing.

You look too clean to suit me.

- You're gonna get me change. - Give me a packet.

Are you the man I talk to about...

Wait your turn, mister.

About the job of sheriff?

You interested in the job of sheriff?

Well, maybe. How much does it pay?

Well, none of our sheriffs ever lived long enough to find out.

Look, boys, why don't you all go outside and watch the fight? The ladies, too.

Very good fight out there.

You watch it too, Sam.

Okay, come on!

Let's get out. Get moving. Come on.

All right, let's go.

I'm Olly Perkins, the mayor here.

Jason McCullough.

Fred Johnson, Henry Jackson, Tom Devery,

three of our original settlers.

And Fred and Henry are members of the town council.

And I represent the mine owners.

Nice to meet you, gentlemen.

What that fellow said just a minute ago ain't strictly true.

We've had three sheriffs the past two months.

But only two of them got killed.

Oh, what about the other one?

Well, he quit kind of sudden-like.

I don't think he had exactly the right kind of temperament for the position.

Well, you never have said anything about the pay.

Well, for the right kind of man, $150 a month.

With the spiraling prices you have around here,

that'd only allow a man to eat and sleep about eight days a month.

The job includes room and board.

Not at Emma's Food Emporium?

At my house. My daughter does the cooking.

Well, gentlemen, I think it's only fair to tell you

that I'd only be interested in this job on a temporary basis.

Oh?

Well, you see, actually I was on my way to Australia

when I heard about your gold strike.

And I decided to, uh, travel through here to see if I could pick up a little stake.

What do you wanna go to Australia for?

Well, it's the last of the frontier country.