Workaholics

- Yeah, baby! - Yes.

Come on now.

- Wow. - Clunker. Clunkville.

- It's going on 45 minutes, guys. - Yeah.

Someone make a shot, please.

- Yo, dude. - Hey, ders.

Who can make a smaller face?

- Adam. - Thank you.

- That's right, dude. - That's nothing to be proud of.

You owe me a buck or two for that.

On to more important things.

Do you guys know what sexting is?

Yeah, I heard of that. Sexting, for sure.

Okay, cool, 'cause I think.

- I just got super deep into it. - Really?

Well, apparently, I met

some girl named Annette last night.

I was pretty drunk,

so I don't really remember her,

but she's been sexting me all morning.

So she goes, "what happened to you last night?

You bailed on me."

Oh, that's not like you, dude.

- I know. - No.

So I go, "sorry. What are you doing now?"

She says, "nothing."

So I go, "well, we're having a shindig.

- You ought to come by." - Yeah.

She goes, "I'll think about it.

In the meantime, you can think about this."

Boom. Whoa-ho!

Nipple. Nipple shot.

That is a good-looking nipple, bro.

Totally a nipple. Great job.

That's the nipple of my dreams.

Why don't you get her over here, man?

Send her a pic of your dick.

Okay. Um, she just sent me

a picture of her nipple,

so I'm not sure...

Well, that's the order of things.

It goes nipple, dick, , butt hole.

Oh, okay, all right, well, I mean,

I've never done... wait, whose butt hole?

Dude, I saw it on dateline.

Why don't you get some blood in that sucker?

- Seal the deal. - Come on, man.

Seal the deal, dude.

All right, I'll do it.

- Go handle that. - I'm gonna seal the deal.

Get rid of that hat.

Gq time. Gq time.

Everybody, time to get gq time.

Oh, man, are you gonna have sex with this girl, Anders?

Oh, yeah.

- Man-ufique. - Nice.

Oh, okay, that's definitely illegal.

- That was good. - Countdown to vagina town.

- Yeah, baby! - All right.

Uh-huh.

I also washed my rear end

in case I got to take that picture later.

Wow. You did that.

Awesome. Great.

- Very cool. - Whose phone is that?

- That's cool. - Oh, thanks.

It's Vanessa's actually.

She just got a text from you.

That's kind of weird.

Forward to: Select all contacts.

And send.

Vanessa, thanks for the phone.

Enjoy your new wallpaper.

[Cell phones ringing and beeping]

That's his. That's his dick.

Right here.

The nipple of your dreams

is actually my nipple of your nightmares.

Oh, right? Yeah.

- Oh, that's embarrassing. - This isn't funny.

There was a weird shadow.

The lighting in the bathroom is strange.

Oh, nice.

Dude, how are you gonna get down from the roof?

- You're gonna be hammered. - So this is

where my friends are.

Hey, look who it is.

It's dick-tembe mutombo.

Look who it is. It's...

Your dick is so tan, bro!

- No. - No? You didn't like that one?

You know, when you kick a dude and he's already down,

he's not likely to share his blunt with you.

You don't smoke.

I just bought this from a girl,

and I'm smoking it tonight.

You're gonna smoke with us, right?

I don't have to.

Dude, you should be thanking us

because, without us, all of those super hot chicks

wouldn't have seen your...

Tan dick.

Yeah, I heard a girl down there

talking about you, man.

It's basically like you're rounding third base

headed for home.

Wait, was it Vanessa?

She's got tattoos, man. I'm into that lately.

Oh, here we go.

There's something about ink...

Both: Poop dollar! There's poop in it!

There's poop in the dollar!

All right, whose poop this time?

- Oh, that's all Adam. - Gross.

It's weird how unembarrassed I am by that.

Come on, guys. This is a Sunday fun day.

Let's get... Crazy!

Oh, yeah.

ah-ha-ha!

Cool.

It's early in the morning.

I'm not gonna eat a pepperoni pizza.

This is the kind of fertilizer...

You don't want to lay down a thick layer.

I understand that you're in the bathtub,

and if you could just get out, dry yourself off...

Are you guys freaking out?

Okay, now I am, Jillian.

Why don't you chill out?

Sorry, it's just you guys don't at all look ready

for the drug test today.

Wait, there's a drug test today?

Yeah, I know. I'm freaking out too.

Last night I went to the Justin bieber concert

with my nephew Dennis, and this guy was smoking weed

right next to us.

Totally freaked me out.

Hey, you know what else freaked me out?

That picture of your dick, Anders.

I got it in a text.

How didn't we know about this drug test?

We smoked yesterday.

Dude, we smoked in the car this morning.

- Alice! - Alice!

- Yo, boss lady. - Good morning.

Looking large and in charge.

Minus the large, plus points

for being cool.

Shut up, Adam.

God, I cannot believe we are wasting our time

with this pointless drug test yet again.

Oh, yeah, there's that today.

We don't have a problem with that.

Look, you guys know what I'm about.

Both: Putting up the numbers.

That's right. I put up the numbers

like you put your thumbs up each other's butts.

Besides, this drug test is a joke.

I can't have my sales force running to the bathroom

every five minutes like a bunch of bulimics.

You don't have to worry about us

because we are straight as arrows.

We should be in quivers because we're straight

like as arr... we should...

We're archers.

Okay, look, I know what is going on out there, okay.

But you need to grow the "f" up!

Speaking of growing,

wait till you see the boner

they sent over from the testing company.

Knock, knock. Is this the vip lounge?

Oh, and there he is.

- Hi, guys. - Guys, this is Robbie.

Yeah, Robbie. Best test in the west.

He likes to say that.

Best test in the west Robbie.

There he goes.

It's just a drug test,

so nothing to be scared of.

I'm excited.

What kind of drugs are we testing?

What?

- That was a joke. - Oh, I love jokes.

- That's funny. - Okay, well,

I'm just gonna let you guys pal around.

And I'm gonna get away from you.

Okay.

Bye, Alice.

You might have her fooled, but not me.

I recognize burnouts when I see 'em.

I'm a professional. I'm a friggin' bloodhound.

And I can see the signs... the glazed eyes,

the ridiculous j. Crew outfit.

And you, strawberry shortcake,

I can't wait to get deep inside that urinary tract

of a river of pee and just see what kind

of mistakes you've been making in your own life.

Oh, mama, I'm gonna have fun with you.

So, um, I'll see you guys in a little bit.

I found this stuff called niacin.