Sneaky Pete

I got nothing, bud.

I got nothing.

That's awful stupid, white boy.

- Just trying to show you. - Hmm.

- Real still. - Okay, okay.

Look, there's no problem here. Defense of others.

Works just like self-defense.

Guy comes in here with a mask,

pointing a gun at us.

He's right. You'll never be charged.

You probably won't even be arrested.

You think I'm stupid.

- Hmm? - No.

I think you're a hero,

and I'm grateful for what you've done for us.

State doesn't allow a felon to carry a weapon of any kind.

Maybe you found the knife here.

Hey, boss. Yeah, it's me.

- Mm-hmm. - You had a fuckin' gun.

We had $150,000 in cash in the car.

You don't try to do something?

He had a gun too.

He was probably pretty good with it.

Yeah, yeah.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

He can't answer, Audrey.

And even if he did, he couldn't really talk.

Why doesn't he respond to my texts?

Lance and Grandpa are probably right there next to him.

Maybe he couldn't get away so quickwithout looking suspicious.

Oh, he can get Lance to shell out 150 grand

to keep me from selling off my goddamn pile of kitty litter,

but he can't slip off long enough to send us a thumbs up?

Oh, you'd have a better handle on what it takes to maintain a lie.

Well, I'm just happy to see you maintain your spunk through our slings and arrows.

Your slings and arrows.

Oh, you're not part of this family?

Look, obviously I'm part of this family.

I'm just not part of getting this family into this mess.

Well, you did bring Lance into our lives.

Oh!

I need to talk to your cousin.

Yeah, about his friend, Mikhail Baryshnikov?

Marius Josepovich.

I told Pete you stopped by yesterday. He didn't call?

Must have slipped his mind.

Yeah, well, you know Pete.

Speaking of which, how do you know Pete?

Look, I get it. I let you give me the runaround last time.

You think you can do it again.

Thing is now I'm up against a deadline.

Yeah, and now I have a shotgun.

You ever see what one of those can do to a man's body

at this range?

You ought to back up.

Back up some.

Otherwise, get covered in blood.

Risk exposing yourself to all the diseases I might be carrying.

Plus it makes it a hell of lot harder to cover up.

Aunt Carly?

I need you to go back inside, honey.

Grandpa says that's not a toy.

Ellen, I need you to go watch another show. Things are fine.

I am a police officer.

Ellen, I'm not playing around.

I'm looking for Pete. Is he inside the house right now?

Mm-mmm.

You wouldn't lie to a police officer, would you?

I want to tell you I trust you a hundred percent.

The thing is, when I go back to tell my bosses Pete wasn't home,

I have to be able to say that I went in and looked for myself.

Not fucking happening.

Well, you know how to stop me.

It's gonna be a rough thing for Ellen to have to see,

but she's young, she'll probably get over it.

Try to be quiet. Jacob's asleep.

Let's go.

Fuck.

Do you wanna see what Audrey and your sisters

did to my fucking car?

They keyed it.

The Pink Lady, they fucking keyed it.

It's bad enough that they harass us,

with their nuisance complaints.

You haven't been parking in their spaces? Hmm?

- You coming? - Yeah, no, I've seen a keyed car before.

Whatever. I just thought maybe you would like to see the damage,

because you're gonna be paying to have it fixed.

- Me? - And if you think I'm gonna settle

for some half-assed cut-rate...

You don't even know that they had anything to do with this.

Yeah, I prefer Gustavo's on Route One,

and the color's a mixture of Barbie Pink Sea Pearl and Briar Rose.

You wanna tell me what that was?

You came to my work, so I thought I'd return the favor.

- That's not what I want. - Since when?

I want more, Shannon.

You don't... You don't answer yesterday

when I tell you that I love you.

You don't answer a couple hours ago

when I tell you I wanna be with you.

And then you come here with this comedy skit.

Taylor, I love you.

I've loved you since I was 15 years old.

I've never loved anyone else.

And it's starting to look like

there's a real possibility I never will.

So what do we do now?

I mean, what happens?

We can go by your place, pick up what you need.

If Sean shows up, we'll just...

I think...

I think I have a way

to set us up for the rest of our lives.

I just means that I have to stay

with Sean a little bit longer.

Shannon, I... I don't wanna wait.

Okay?

I wanna be with you. I wanna be with you right now.

Oh, shit. Hold on.

Hey, Grandma, everything okay?

There's a cop here looking for Pete... a New York cop.

Did you tell him that your brother's on the local force?

- He doesn't care. - Yeah, let me talk to him.

My brother, the cop's on the...

Uh, yeah, that's not gonna happen.

Probably just as well. I figure, you know,

I don't wanna delay his search...

Delay his... This...

This guy is in the house?

You let him in?

No. I told him not to, but...

He showed you a search warrant?

He kind of just pushed past.

Listen to me, Carly. I want you to tell him that you do not consent

to a search of your residence, okay?

I told you, I already told him.

Tell him again. I wanna hear you say it.

You don't consent to a search, and you'd like him to leave.

Tell him again. I want to hear you say it right now.

Detective, I do not consent

to your search of...

- And you need to leave! - Okay, hang on.

Don't hang up. I'm on my way.

Did you get a license plate number?

I couldn't see it.

How do we know that he's not a real cop?

He is a real cop, okay? I called the NYPD.

You gotta tell me everything that he said

from the moment you answered the door.

Yeah, well, so I was already holding the gun.

Jesus, Carly!

Okay, great. So he sees the fucking gun.

He says, what, "Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

I'm a cop! I'm a cop!"

No, I already knew that part from yesterday.

- Well, at least... - Wait! Wait!

You've met him before?

Yeah, yesterday when he gave me that card.

He had a woman in the car with him yesterday.

I don't know if she was still there just now.

Did you tell Grandma and Grandpa any of this?

Well, I told Pete. Then I gave him the number,

and he said that he would take care of it.

I guess I was creeped out by the guy's eye.

Winslow's eye?

Yeah, okay, I guess that makes me superficial.

What about his eye?

His right eye was messed up.

Messed up? Like, how, messed up? Like a boxer?

Kind of, except the skin was, like,

smooth, kind of, like...

Like a firework blew up in his face.

You know him?

I don't know, he sounds...

like this guy that came into the station a couple days ago.

He left before I could get his name

or even who he was looking for,

but, God, I don't know,

there was something about this guy,

he made my...

My fuckin' Spidey sense tingle.

Go get the kids, okay?

We can't stay here.

Yeah.

Eddie the Eagle, yes? Fast Eddie.

None the worse for wear.

It only hurts when I breathe.

Drivers in this city are a scandal.

In a few years, it will be worse than Bangalore.

Oh, Mr. Mukherjee,

I am so sorry I wasn't there to greet you.

Nonsense. The duties of a hostess are all consuming.

I, myself, have never seen the wisdom of putting a beautiful woman to work.

She should be free to move through the world as she pleases,

reminding all who behold her the existence of God.

My God, that's beautiful.

Good luck tonight, Mr. Mukherjee.

- Thank you. - Please.