The Last Man on Earth

Previously on The Last Man On Earth...

- Jasper. - There is a little boy out there

who's confused and freaked out.

Have you ever been painted?

We're going back to my place after dinner,

and I'm gonna paint you.

- You're a serial killer. - I swear I've changed.

You got to believe me.

I don't kill anymore.

Jasper?

Hi.

Okay, let's call it a night and hit it again tomorrow.

Hey, gals.

- Any luck finding Jasper? - No sign.

Then you'll be happy to know that we did have some luck.

Here, come with us.

Shh. Easy.

Easy. We don't want to scare him off.

Ladies and gentlewomen,

feast your eyes on... this.

I got him.

What the hell?

Hi, I'm Karl.

Blanks.

So, yeah, this is Karl.

Karl, this is the group.

Sorry. It wasn't my idea.

Found him on our search for Jasper,

and that little rascal, Todd, thought this would be

a fun way to introduce him.

I couldn't talk him out of it.

Ugh, so Jasper is...

- Still out in the wild? Yeah. - Idiot.

Don't call Karl an idiot. He is our guest.

Now, come on. Don't be shy.

Karl doesn't bite. Do you, Karl?

Nope.

No.

Okay, okay. I got another one.

What's the worst thing

a prison guard could find at a wedding?

An open bar.

Very fun.

So, Karl,

I'm still trying to figure out how you got trapped in there.

I mean, don't guards have all the keys?

So many keys.

Like, name a number of keys,

and it would be more than that.

But the main door locks,

they were code-based,

and I would always forget the code.

So much so that they called me The Code Forgetter.

The Code Forgetter.

Ugh. And I had to sit there and take it,

'cause it's so true.

Anyway, I needed a change,

so I came down to Mexico.

I took up painting, flamenco dancing.

I mean, the whole nueve.

That's, uh, Spanish for nine.

Spanish for nine. Yeah, knew it.

Ocho is eight.

Yeah, life was perfect...

and then the virus struck.

It took my wife and her son...

and his kids and his grandkids.

Towards the end, it was just me

and this one other prisoner.

He was a serial killer.

Killed a lot of people.

And get this:

He would eat them.

- What? - Gross.

No.

I mean, who would do that?

That's sick, in my opinion,

but, after some time, we formed a friendship.

I mean, talk about an odd couple:

A guy who eats people,

and a guy who keeps people-eaters locked up.

I, of course, being the latter.

I feel like it's important for me to get in there, again,

how strongly I'm against the use of people as food.

Yeah, you mentioned that already.

I was just emphasizing my point.

They used to call me The Point Emphasizer.

I thought they called you The Code Forgetter.

- Yeah, but also The Point Emphasizer. - Well, man,

you must be some kind of saint,

'cause I could never be friends

with a psycho killer qu'est-ce que c'est like that.

I guess I am kind of forgiving.

That's why they called me The Everyone Forgiver.

- You sure had a lot of nicknames. - Yeah.

They used to call me The Nickname Accumulator.

Anyway, look.

I'm gonna go hit the hay.

I honestly never thought I'd get this chance again,

so thank you.

- Good night. - Good night.

Aw.

What a neat guy.

Yep. Handsome.

Ah, wow.

- Something smells delicious. - Oh.

Well, you must be smelling something else,

'cause it smells like hell in here.

I-I just burned my hair on that fricking curling iron.

Burned my finger, too.

Oh.

That's what the smell was?

Yuck. That is awful.

Pee-yew. I mean, who could possibly like a smell like that?

Disgusting smell.

Ah.

I'm really glad you're here.

Erica's birthday's coming up,

and I wanted to get her something nice,

and you mentioned that you used to paint.

I was wondering

if you'd consider doing a portrait of me

that I could give her?

I don't paint anymore.

Just a lot of bad emotional connections to it,

so it's a real... talk-to-the-hand for me.

Sorry. Sad face.

Oh, yeah. That's cool.

I'll just get her a candle or Lamborghini

- or something. - You know, for a burn,

you don't need a Band-Aid. You just have to apply ice.

Human flesh cooks so fast it just...

gets a-away from you in a hurry.

Is what I heard from my uncle,

because he...

worked at a burn...

firm.

A burn firm?

A firm for burns.

Anyway, ice is best.

Okay. Well, I don't need this, then.

Go get some ice, then.

Ugh. You're not that person anymore. Stop it.

Oh, God. Get it together.

You've changed.

You okay, Karl?

Oh, uh... Yeah, I was just, uh,

overcome with emotion for about six seconds.

I'm just excited to see a piano.

I actually met my wife at a dueling piano bar.

So you play?

Yeah. Sure.

Yes. I mean, you know, only semiprofessionally.

Oh, wow. Would you mind playing something for me?

Uh...

I'm a little rusty, so no judgment, okay?

Still got it.

Excuse me.

Oh, God. Oh.

Hey...

You ready to go, Melissa?

Uh, about that...

I'm going to propose something,

and it's going to be unpopular.

I doubt it. What is it, hon?

I think we should stop searching for Jasper.

- What are you talking about, hon? - Why?

Well, the last thing he needs is us breathing down his neck.

And that's what drove him away in the first place.

So, what, we just leave him out there?

He was doing fine on his own before we came along.

And what-what if we did find him? Would we ground him

for running away?

Uh, to start.

That worked well last time.

And then what?

Well, we'll tell him how much we love him.

And how-how much it scares us that he ran off,

and that it would just kill us if something happened to him.

I mean, I just can't sleep

knowing he's out there.

He just can't do this to us!

I mean, does he want me to have another heart attack?

I mean, come on, Jasper!

That's a healthy energy for him to come back to.

Melissa, we can't stop looking for him.

And I'm telling you if we want any chance of him coming back,

we have to stop looking for him.

Sorry, Melissa. I just can't do it.

Yeah.

I'm with Todd.

Sorry, Melissa.

Gail?

Erica?

Anybody?

What's going on in here?

Nothing.

I was, uh... taking the trash out.

Taking the trash out, huh?

Why?