Single Parents

God, I hate when they close the school for no reason.

Well, there is a good reason.

Teacher enrichment? It's gonna be off the hook.

You didn't hear this from me,

but word on the street is there's gonna be bagels.

So, now we're stuck with them? Is that even legal?

Guess that means I'm bringing Graham to the law firm with me.

And apparently Rory, too,

because he is obsessed with some dumb law show.

It's called "Gavel Town," and it's about Deb Schwepps,

a big-city lawyer who gets banished

to a small town in Georgia.

Tagline... "Don't judge her."

My man.

My job is nothing like "Gavel Town."

- Overruled. -

Pro bono, you didn't! - What's that?

"LL"? Who's LL?

Cool J or Bean? Cool J or Bean?!

Okay, it's "landlord," as in the Winebrary landlord,

and I haven't opened it yet because it's scary mail,

and when I get scary mail, I have to wait

until I'm emotionally ready to read it.

And I'm thinking I'll be there in about 10 more business days.

Well, that's insane. What if it's important?

Uh, what's important

is that she's honoring her own timetable,

and there's real power in that.

To which I say, madam...

Sorry.

I've been spending a lot of time at the Winebrary,

and it's having a real effect on me.

I'm very into female empowerment now,

and also I am drunk most of the time.

Wait, so you've been skipping out on work?

As much as possible. I just can't face it.

It's been so awkward since I broke up with Tracy.

I have been doing a lot of pretend phone calls.

Gary? Gary, calm down!

I can help you land this plane,

but you gotta remain calm, okay?

Gary? Gary, lower your voice.

Gary, pull up!

- Gary!! -

I'm sorry, I just couldn't watch you land another plane.

Are you almost done with the toaster?

Guys, I dated my boss.

Why did you let me do that? This is on you.

Okay, while you were all spellbound

by his story about toast, I did a thing.

I opened the mail.

Turns out that they raised your rent two months ago,

and between the late fees and some other crap,

- you owe 8 grand. -

Douglas, this is why I said don't open it!

And not to be that guy, but you also owe me 10 bucks

from the movies last week.

I can't believe this.

Like, what kind of landlord just raises the rent?

A good one. I raise the rent on the shed every year.

You're not seeing a dime over 5%.

Talk to us when our lease is over.

Oh, okay, look, I'm gonna write you a check,

and I'm gonna fix this all up, all right?

Oh, you think you can just solve a woman's problem

- with your checkbook? - Yes.

Why don't you swipe your credit card

on her ass while you're at it?

Will, you gotta hang out here less.

Douglas, I don't need your money.

- I'm gonna handle this on my own. - Okay, option B...

and I'm sure this isn't gonna be a crowd pleaser...

- cut your losses and close. - Huh?

- Huh?! - W-What?

It's the best business decision.

Douglas Robert Fogerty. Close?!

There is no way in hell

I would ever shut down the Winebrary!

I'm gonna figure this out.

Yeah, and I'm gonna help!

As long as it doesn't involve going near KZOP,

seeing Tracy, or making toast.

That's a real trigger snack for me.

Oh, see, my trigger snack is popcorn.

It's just like, oh, so g...

Wait, don't distract me! Come on, let's go, Will.

Watch the bar for me, okay?

W-W-W-Wait,

y-you're gonna leave me alone with these people?

"These people" are regulars.

Right, right. And what do they call themselves?

The, uh... The Wine-o's?

Winebrarians. And we run this joint.

I've seen this on Animal Planet,

and I'm the antelope.

- Objection! -

Judge, this is a mockery of our judicial system.

In New York City...

You're not in New York City anymore!

- You're in Gavel Town. -

You're gonna be eatin' those words

with your grits for breakfast.

Your mom's office is nothing like this show.

Yeah, this place is the pits.

Mom, we're bored.

Well, I'm bored every day of my life.

That's why they pay me the medium bucks.

- Hey, hey, hey! - Oh, my God.

Sorry. I forgot you worked here.

Yeah, people always tell me that.

Anyway, I can't stop thinking about Poppy.

I wish we could help her.

I spent all my money on my custom calendars.

"Miggy at Large: 2020."

This is just you shirtless around the office.

Right? Plus I added three new months...

Monember, Julip, and February Two.

Oh, oh, oh!

Hey, maybe we can sell those and make money for Poppy.

Miggy, no one wants to buy a calendar in late February.

I mean, the year is basically half over.

- What? - Hello, co-workers!

And co-lurkers.

My niece is selling Girl Scout Cookies,

- and I would love it if you... - Tell her to go shake it

outside the grocery store like everyone else.

Beat it, Kammy.

Bye, Kammy. See you later.

Oh, my God.

That's it!

I have been buying crap

from my co-workers for years...

cookies, wrapping paper,

magazines because apparently those still exist.

But I've never hit them up for any cash.

Today is the day... we are fundraising

for the Winebrary!

I don't know if people are gonna give us money

for our friend's wine/bookstore.

But what about raising money

for our beloved co-worker Dolores

who's recovering from a hip injury?

Hold up, who's Dolores?

No one.

I just made her up.

Angie, you bad.

Ooh!

All right, plan time.

I just checked the forecast.

We got a Category Five brainstorm coming!

Not now, Will, I'm looking for something.

Ah-ha! I found it.

My engagement ring from Ron.

It's my backup plan.

I always told myself if I got in a pinch, I could sell it,

and we're in pinch time, baby!

Okay, you know, there's actually a little part of me

that thought you were gonna propose to me right now,

and my immediate answer was not no.

I-I'm gonna blow by that.

This is worth a lot of money.

Ron was a bad husband,

but he could splurge on some jewelry.

- Mm. - That and designer overalls.

So, we find a jewelry store,

and I help you jack up the price.

I've already got a character locked and loaded

that is going to guarantee you top dollar.

Fine. But just don't do your Mrs. Doubtfire voice.

Honestly?

I might.

Don't.

I might.

Hello!

Hello.

Beautiful, isn't it? And not small.

I mean, look at what that thing

did to my finger.

It's called finger droop. Whoop!

You want me to look, or you want me to listen?

Oh, yeah, you do your thing. Sorry.

Um, excuse me.

I'm developing a headache

from the glare of that majestic piece.

- You're not selling it, are you? - I am.

Mark Tiffany!

Yes, that Tiffany.

I was just doing my regular stroll

through the District... that's what we call

the Diamond District in my family.

That must save you a great deal of time.

Mm.

May I?

Oh, it's spectacular.

99-scale capture,

deep-pressed water blessings...

The 4 and 12s are nearly jumping off the crest-piece!

I-It's a wearable miracle!

I'll give you 200 bucks.

$200?!